A parenting and relationship question...in need of advice?

I have a six year old step-daughter and just last week gave birth to my first biological child. I love my step-daughter like she's my own child and when talking about her generally I call her my daughter. Her mother lives in another state and basically has nothing to do with her.





Anyway, as a gag gift my best friend gave my honey a cigar when our daughter was born that says ';It's a girl!'; He held it up to me tonight and asked why she gave it to him since she knows he doesn't smoke. I told him just to keep it as a memento of our daughter's birth. He got upset and said that he didn't want to do things like that for our new baby because he doesn't have anything from when my step-daughter was a baby. Between his divorce from his first wife and moving around all her baby stuff has been lost.





He's afraid that she'll feel less loved since we don't have anything to show from when she was born. I feel bad that her stuff has been lost but it hurts me that he doesn't want to keep things from our new daughter's birth. I still plan to keep things, whether he likes it or not, but am I being unfair? Do you think she'll feel like she's not as loved as the baby?





Since I have been in her life I've kept scrap books for my step-daughter. I keep all her art work from school. I make sure to do special activities with just her, so I don't think she'll feel less loved, but he does.





What do you think? Sorry this is so long. Thanks in advance.A parenting and relationship question...in need of advice?
I think he is being a little silly myself. While I understand that he feels bad that he doesn't have anything from his daughters birth, that isn't a good reason to not do anything special for your new babies birth. Two wrongs don't make a right. Why don't you get something special for both your children. Like a necklace or a locket. Doesn't have to be expensive, but something special for both your babies. That way your husband can't disagree and it would be something that would commemorate that special day.





The fact that your being fair and keeping a scrapbook for your step-daughter and all the other stuff you would typically keep for your child shows that your not being unfair by any means. I could understand your husband being upset if you were not doing these kinds of things. The fact is, you were not in your daughters life at that point, so you can't change the past. Its just something you have to correct in the now and make sure that the memories YOU had with her are documents and that your doing YOUR part as her step-mom.





I honestly think when it comes to that time where she would even question whether she was treated fairly as a baby she will be old enough to realize it was out of your control. That it was a point in her life that wasn't so great and now she has a wonderful new step-mom who truly cares about her.





The only thing I would worry about is jealousy and as long as your taking the time to spend individual time with both your children, that's what she will appreciate.





Best of luck with the new baby on the way and I wouldn't worry too much about your step daughter. Sounds like you both have a great relationship. =)A parenting and relationship question...in need of advice?
i think hes overreacting
That is really hard. The only suggestion I have for your husband to sit down and write a small story book about her birth and how she grew to be so big. And also, any event that was funny or memorable. Make it all about your step daughter, husband, and you...not anything to do with her bio mom or the divorce. He can get really detailed.








She can help by drawing pictures about the story when he reads it to her. That way, when she is older, she can pull it out and read all about her life as a baby. And they can even add onto it when she is older.





This might make up for the lost memorabilia. She may not even realize that her things have been lost. And I am sure when she is older, she will understand the circumstances in which her baby things were lost.





Good luck!
I don't think you're being unfair. I think this baby deserves those things just as much as her big sister did and does. You sound like a wonderful parent. Just try to remember your husband is just a lil sensitive to his first daughter's needs right now. I know I was hyper sensitive to my oldest daughter's feelings when we first brought home our 18mo foster daughter. I was so afraid of her feeling pushed aside or left out... I'd get mad at anyone making a big deal out of the foster daughter. It seems crazy now, but I couldn't help it... my now 12yo is and will always be my baby. Give him time to realize that she'll probably be just fine and not feel any less love.
hmm, you have to understand that he may feel upset that he doesnt have anything to show for your stepdaughter, and hes lookin out for her and hopin she doesnt feel less loved. but just try to explain to him that you still want to keep things while you can, and that does not mean you still dont love your stepdaughter. after all its not your fault that all her baby things are lost. also make sure you include your stepdaughter as much as you can!!! this is big for her too!!! all you husband wants is that you love her and include her the same!!