Heres my situation.... I was in credit debt for the past couple of years but it wasnt to the point it was hurting my credit (i was paying ontime) The past 5 months, my credit was almost ruined because I lost my job in Sept and could not make my payments.. From Oct til now, I have gotten in over my head with debt and my credit dropped from 700's to 500's with late payments hurting my score. My problem is wether to leave my girlfriend or not. We have been together for the last 5 years, and I have been a decent boyfriend but not exactly something to fight over. I feel that it would be wrong for me to put her through a situation where my credit was bad and could hurt future plans (house, etc) Would it be wrong for me not to tell her about my situation and let her get involved? I feel that it would only be fair to her and to give her the chance to be with someone who could do these things for her. Any suggestionsRelationship question that I need some help with. I do not have many girls to ask such advice to?
that sounds like a stupid reason to leave someone. there is a simple solution, pay your bills. it would only hurt her score if you got married and in that case the two of you would have a combined score. the only real reason to tell her would be if you were that serious and planning on buying a house or car together soon. a 500 credit score isnt really that bad its just not good. credit has a way of turning around quickly when you start paying things off.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Seriouse relationship problems... please give me your best advice..?
Im engaged to a guy for 6months now... he is abusive and VERY jeolous... yesterday he got mad at me for wearing a spagetti shirt when my sister and her husband were at my house. and i finally i got the nerve to tell him that im sick of him controlling me and telling me i cant go to the mall, i cant say hi to my cusins and etc... he told me he wanted to talk to me so we got in the car and drove away he started yelling at me and grabbing me... i started crying and he didnt even care.. then at night he send me a text that he still wanted to be with me.. what should i do? should i call him? tell him he need to change, and ill be with him.. i really need help, im afraid to tell my family that he does this to me. please help me, give me some good advice..(i dont want to leave him) but how do i make him change... thank you in advance!Seriouse relationship problems... please give me your best advice..?
I understand that you love him but do you love yourself because if you loved yourself you would not allow someone to hurt you over and over again.
Your family has been a part of your life since you were born they want to protect you and enjoy you for you they do not want you to have a future of being hurt.
Maybe you are confused on your love for this man.Maybe you have put him on a pedestal and what you see is only the good and no bad in this man.
You need to ask yourself a question of what you really want in life not who.
No matter what you do you cannot change someone and in most cases the person cannot change themselves without extensive work and sacrifice.
I'm sorry to tell you this but you need to find yourself before entering into a serious relationship
I will keep you in my prayersSeriouse relationship problems... please give me your best advice..?
Call the police. Seriously.
Don't ever ever torture yourself and stay in an abusive relationship. He's never going to change his ways, even if he says he will. And if he does, it will only be temporary. You've known him for a long time, and you've seen how he can be. Is this something you want for the rest of your life?
You can't make him change. You can change yourself, and change what you will and will not tolerate! Do you deserve to be abused? I didn't think so.
If you can't find the strength to tell him how you feel and you're afraid of him, then I would suggest you tell someone that is going to help you get out of that situation before the abuse becomes severe! Is that how you want to spend the rest of your life in fear? He's got some underline issues that he needs to get resolved.
Stop letting him abuse you! You weren't created to be abused! You were created to Praise God and to be loved and nourished, and taken care of. Find your strength and use it to get him some help or get away from the abuse!
No offense
dump his sorry ***
good thing you're not married yet
THere's a difference between him bring controlling and insecure and him being down right abusive
there'll be more guys
I would say talk this out and maybe you should approach him with an iron fist
but why risk the abuse?oreal
I understand that you love him but do you love yourself because if you loved yourself you would not allow someone to hurt you over and over again.
Your family has been a part of your life since you were born they want to protect you and enjoy you for you they do not want you to have a future of being hurt.
Maybe you are confused on your love for this man.Maybe you have put him on a pedestal and what you see is only the good and no bad in this man.
You need to ask yourself a question of what you really want in life not who.
No matter what you do you cannot change someone and in most cases the person cannot change themselves without extensive work and sacrifice.
I'm sorry to tell you this but you need to find yourself before entering into a serious relationship
I will keep you in my prayersSeriouse relationship problems... please give me your best advice..?
Call the police. Seriously.
Don't ever ever torture yourself and stay in an abusive relationship. He's never going to change his ways, even if he says he will. And if he does, it will only be temporary. You've known him for a long time, and you've seen how he can be. Is this something you want for the rest of your life?
You can't make him change. You can change yourself, and change what you will and will not tolerate! Do you deserve to be abused? I didn't think so.
If you can't find the strength to tell him how you feel and you're afraid of him, then I would suggest you tell someone that is going to help you get out of that situation before the abuse becomes severe! Is that how you want to spend the rest of your life in fear? He's got some underline issues that he needs to get resolved.
Stop letting him abuse you! You weren't created to be abused! You were created to Praise God and to be loved and nourished, and taken care of. Find your strength and use it to get him some help or get away from the abuse!
No offense
dump his sorry ***
good thing you're not married yet
THere's a difference between him bring controlling and insecure and him being down right abusive
there'll be more guys
I would say talk this out and maybe you should approach him with an iron fist
but why risk the abuse?
New relationship...need help reading her signs. Womanly advice welcome!!?
I have been dating a woman for about 2 months now. I love to be with her and think about her all the time. She says the same about me (less than me). However, sometimes I can't tell where we are at. Friday we had a great time out and she was affectionate and attentive. Saturday was basically the same. Sunday though she seemed annoyed and could care less that I was there at her house. Said maybe two words to me. (yes we hung out basically 3 days in a row I know!). There are other days too where she is affectionate one second and totally alloof the next. I don't get it. Is it getting comfortable this soon for her? I am definately not comfortable yet. Should I just back off for a while and let her make the next call or set up the next date? Should I stop letting us set up entire weekends together? Any advice is helpfull, maybe even a little womanly intuition would be helpfull here. Thanks.
-Totally Confused.New relationship...need help reading her signs. Womanly advice welcome!!?
From personal experience.
It sounds like she does really like you...good for you!
I will tell you that I personally really enjoy my alone time. If I don't get that one day to myself, I act the same way. I just don't like to say ';leave me alone, I want to have some time to myself';. I haven't found a nice way to say that. What you may want to do is maybe say something to her like ';want me to come over, or do you just want to relax by yourself';. She'll totally appreciate the consideration.New relationship...need help reading her signs. Womanly advice welcome!!?
i suggest giving her some space. some girls don't like having the guy around all the time. maybe she just wants some time to hang out with her friends or something.
you were totally focused on her for 3 days and she got burnt out, as anyone would ... ask yourself, why is it that when I get into a relationship insted of doing what I would normally do and including my new GF ... I drop everything I'm into, and focus all my attention on her... if you can answer that, it will lead to the bigger question ... is the source of my happiness from inside me? or am I looking for it in someone else
Maybe shes an independent woman and shes not used to having someone with her 24/7. Or shes just moody, stressed out etc.
bless ur heart ~women we r so hard to understand sometimes just use your gut feeling and follow your heart my best to you!!!
Hi there, Jasper:
It sounds to me like she's just got a small issue of mood swings. In the idea situation, you SHOULD talk to her about it, because if you want a lasting, solid relationship w/ this woman, communication is the key! Ask her about it; don't be accusing or insensitive, just mention the fact that she seems kinda upset/distracted some days %26amp; you'd like to know if there are any issues she needs to talk about %26amp;/or if something is bothering her. Take what she gives you the first time %26amp; don't continue to flog the dead horse. But yes, communicate this problem with her at all costs.
She may be a softy %26amp; not want to be mean %26amp; tell you she wants/needs some time alone, so she is getting pissy when you're around too much; yet, she knows she dug HERSELF into that hole by not telling you up-front, so she's grumping around %26amp; being pissy, but not talking; that could be one reason. Anywho, I would back off a bit. Don't STOP calling her, just let up a bit. Lay off the 3-day weekends, unless she suggests them. Don't stop setting up dates, but again, losen up on the frequency. Let her meet you half way on the involvment in the relationship %26amp; if at all possible, again, TALK TO HER. It's the only real way to know for sure whats in her heart %26amp; on her mind! Best of Luck!
us women have our moments, like pms, hormone crazies, maybe you should just ask her, and i might add, i'm an affectionate women, my feelings get hurt when shadeyness is present...talk to her really..if that doesnt solve things then might be your sign to back off...
give her some space. it may be too much too soon.
I have to admit that women are hard to read they say one thing and really mean the other.I'm a women my self and i can't figure my self out most of the time.The best thing for you to do is sit down with her explain to her what you just said to us and see what she has to say about it, and then go from there.Good Luck and God Bless
-Totally Confused.New relationship...need help reading her signs. Womanly advice welcome!!?
From personal experience.
It sounds like she does really like you...good for you!
I will tell you that I personally really enjoy my alone time. If I don't get that one day to myself, I act the same way. I just don't like to say ';leave me alone, I want to have some time to myself';. I haven't found a nice way to say that. What you may want to do is maybe say something to her like ';want me to come over, or do you just want to relax by yourself';. She'll totally appreciate the consideration.New relationship...need help reading her signs. Womanly advice welcome!!?
i suggest giving her some space. some girls don't like having the guy around all the time. maybe she just wants some time to hang out with her friends or something.
you were totally focused on her for 3 days and she got burnt out, as anyone would ... ask yourself, why is it that when I get into a relationship insted of doing what I would normally do and including my new GF ... I drop everything I'm into, and focus all my attention on her... if you can answer that, it will lead to the bigger question ... is the source of my happiness from inside me? or am I looking for it in someone else
Maybe shes an independent woman and shes not used to having someone with her 24/7. Or shes just moody, stressed out etc.
bless ur heart ~women we r so hard to understand sometimes just use your gut feeling and follow your heart my best to you!!!
Hi there, Jasper:
It sounds to me like she's just got a small issue of mood swings. In the idea situation, you SHOULD talk to her about it, because if you want a lasting, solid relationship w/ this woman, communication is the key! Ask her about it; don't be accusing or insensitive, just mention the fact that she seems kinda upset/distracted some days %26amp; you'd like to know if there are any issues she needs to talk about %26amp;/or if something is bothering her. Take what she gives you the first time %26amp; don't continue to flog the dead horse. But yes, communicate this problem with her at all costs.
She may be a softy %26amp; not want to be mean %26amp; tell you she wants/needs some time alone, so she is getting pissy when you're around too much; yet, she knows she dug HERSELF into that hole by not telling you up-front, so she's grumping around %26amp; being pissy, but not talking; that could be one reason. Anywho, I would back off a bit. Don't STOP calling her, just let up a bit. Lay off the 3-day weekends, unless she suggests them. Don't stop setting up dates, but again, losen up on the frequency. Let her meet you half way on the involvment in the relationship %26amp; if at all possible, again, TALK TO HER. It's the only real way to know for sure whats in her heart %26amp; on her mind! Best of Luck!
us women have our moments, like pms, hormone crazies, maybe you should just ask her, and i might add, i'm an affectionate women, my feelings get hurt when shadeyness is present...talk to her really..if that doesnt solve things then might be your sign to back off...
give her some space. it may be too much too soon.
I have to admit that women are hard to read they say one thing and really mean the other.I'm a women my self and i can't figure my self out most of the time.The best thing for you to do is sit down with her explain to her what you just said to us and see what she has to say about it, and then go from there.Good Luck and God Bless
I'm confused about relationship with my friend..please help! Advice needed...(superiority complex)?
Well...my friend and I have know each other since 6th grade...met in gym class. I constantly feel the need to be better than her...It's really weird, because I am not competitive at all by nature. I'm usually very calm...very shy...don't talk much or argue...but with her it like flips my personality. I'm sarcastic and sadistic...I argue all the time. She is naturally a veyr angry person...I don't think we've ever gone more than a week without getting into some sort of fight. She says she loves me like a sister....she's not even my best friend. She's kind(as far as she goes) to me....but she talks about me behind my back. She's jealous...she's said it a few times. I feel bad for her, because she has a lot of family problems and not many friends, but this relationship is jsut so complicated and strange...it's hardly a friendship at all. Well..it is at times, and then not...it's weird. But very very stressful...and I don't know, what do you guys think I should do?I'm confused about relationship with my friend..please help! Advice needed...(superiority complex)?
End the friendship it's not healthy.I'm confused about relationship with my friend..please help! Advice needed...(superiority complex)?
im not one to tell any one what they should do but i like to give advice so here it goese.... i had a friend alot like the one you have but we didnt fight as much as you two but we didnt hang out that much we did in school but that was about it im not as competitive as it sounds as you are but im not much of a fightter i do every once in a while and thats only if i have to and this is what i did i just let him do his own thing and just went with it we both quite hanging out even at school and we just left it at that but you two could do something diffent and could all still get along and i think that would be cool i think everyone could use as many friends as possible friends can come in handy in many place more than you know
End the friendship it's not healthy.I'm confused about relationship with my friend..please help! Advice needed...(superiority complex)?
im not one to tell any one what they should do but i like to give advice so here it goese.... i had a friend alot like the one you have but we didnt fight as much as you two but we didnt hang out that much we did in school but that was about it im not as competitive as it sounds as you are but im not much of a fightter i do every once in a while and thats only if i have to and this is what i did i just let him do his own thing and just went with it we both quite hanging out even at school and we just left it at that but you two could do something diffent and could all still get along and i think that would be cool i think everyone could use as many friends as possible friends can come in handy in many place more than you know
Need Advice.My brother is getting into a relationship with someone I despise.?
The reason is I despise that person is because , I have natural hair and she said that '; I needed a perm,and called my hair nappy'; I am very hurt over this comment,and I dont want my brother fooling with this person ,what do I do?Need Advice.My brother is getting into a relationship with someone I despise.?
Um..shave her head while she sleeps?
Um..shave her head while she sleeps?
Is this a relationship? What's really going on?Girls advice鈥erious answers only please,ANY MORE ADVICE,THXS!
I keep going out with my close female friend, we go to dinner, lunch together and for drinks in the evening. We also take roadtrips together to the coast and to the country for walks, usually followed by dinner and its just the 2 of us.This happens at least every 2 weeks, if not on a weekly basis. We鈥檙e attracted to each other, flirt with each other, we鈥檙e in touch practically everyday, can only open up too me,feels very comfortable with me, enjoys spending time with me,we trust each other etc
She doesn鈥檛 like it when I mention other girls that I鈥檓 interested in or ask her for advice concerning them.She always tells me that she never pulled when she went out,she鈥檚 not interested in anyone, don鈥檛 fancy anyone,etc
We kissed once(very passionate,all over each other)a few months back and she said we should remain friends.She said that I don鈥檛 do it for her(also kiss), but still finds me attractive and the thought of us being intimate doesn鈥檛 repulse her. So how can鈥檛 I do it for her?Is this a relationship? What's really going on?Girls advice鈥erious answers only please,ANY MORE ADVICE,THXS!
Dear :
She is not a psyco nor is she a c***k tease!Nor is she playing you!
From my point of view it seems that this girl really loves you and wants you forever in her life!Because of the fact that she never had a relationship before she is scared that if She goes to the next level with you then she might lose you and your friendship!
It is so hard for girls to find a best friend in the guy they love and most often when a girl spends most of her time with a boy she considers her friend she grows to love him very strongly!
She doesnot advice and like hearing about other girls because she loves you and she doesnot want anyone to take you away from her!
You will want to know then why does she not get into a relationship with you, and why she apologises and says there can be no relationship!
This girl loves you soo much that she is afraid that you will turn her away or just get fedup of her!Maybe she knows your history with other girls and she is afraid to end up like them!
Sit down with her and confess your love and tell her that you will always be her best friend and lover if she wishes it!
Make it clear that if ahe does not want you then if another girl comes along you will have no choice as you cannot remain single for ever-but do this gently!
Just make her known that your outings and fun will not stop if the two of you become lovers!
You see, most times when a woman enters a relationship the fun she had before with the guy is gone!Thats what she is afraid of!Just reassure her that lovers doesnot mean the elimination of fun!
Goodluck and dodnot hurt her for it seems that you will never find a girl that loves you as mush as her!
Love SANAMIs this a relationship? What's really going on?Girls advice鈥erious answers only please,ANY MORE ADVICE,THXS!
stop forcing the issue --- you are both an item --- stop mentioning other ladies --- dont say anything --- dont see any dont talk about any ---- she will notice
go out together as you have been doing ---- see what happens
hang in there..sounds like she really does want you but she may really be scared that if she admits it, something will go wrong and she will lose you...maybe even as a friend. maybe if you don't mention other girls to her it would help...only talk about her and as if she is the only one....hopefully that will make her feel more secure about a real relationship....good luck....no one ever said love is easy......
you had me feeling all sad for you right up til the phrase 'c**k tease' you are obviously quite a frustrated guy over this and no woman likes to be called that unless in a saucy moment with her beloved...its not nice...
i think she sounds quite confused and to be honest you can love someone and wish that you could be together on another level but it just doesnt kick in physically for you so ts no good but it doesnt stop the emotonal feelings...i think your best option would be to sit her down without pressuring her and just tell her that you like her but she has said that she isnt interested in that kind of relationship and you respect that but if thats the case then you would like her to accept that you do have needs and wishes of your own and that she has to allow you the space and respect of still being you friend if you see other women ...if she doesnt want to talk write her a letter and give it to her saying that you know he doesnt like to talk so would she read the letter and come back to you to talk or give you a letter back in response...hope this helps but make sure you keep that frustration under wraps...its not attractive...;0)
You already know this... she is very close to you as a friend, AND on a more intimate level.
She does feel jealousy and is hurt by the thought of not having you, but at the same time, is probably scared of what the cost could be if it went wrong. Some people live for YEARS with these untouchable, secret feelings.
Ask her on a date.... tell her you DO like her, treat her as someone very special so that she can see you think of her as more than 'just' a friend. It really is better to take a chance and experience love than to always wonder what might have been. An enduring friendship will survive if there isn't anything else in it.
I think she has really deep feelings for you, but is possibly scared of a sexual relationship with you. You don't say how old you both are. If you carry on the same way you are now, it could develop into something deeper when she's ready, but it's a risk...you could be wasting your time.
This is a relationship already. At least for you. It's OK, after all you do get to socialize, but don't expect anything more.
hi. i dont know why you got thumbs down. anyway she sounds scared of ruining anything you have got as friends and when you are in a relationship it goes much further and she may be frightened it could turn sour halfway down the line and losing your friendship and love altogether so she sounds confused about what she wants from you and ive no doubt this girl is crazy for you she just dont know what to do about it thats why she changes the topic. my advice tell her you know shes tryin to change the subject but tell her life is too short and if you dont give it a go then you will always be the buts if's and maybes.
You need to just be honest with eachother, it appears that there is a lot of dodging the real situation here and a lot of avoiding the truth. Just tell her how you feel, if she doesn't want to admit to anything, then she is playing games with you and isn't worth it. It's going to take one of you to put a stop to that and unfortunately - it looks like it's going to be you.
I think she likes you but never want to be your girlfriend. She likes you for sure -- she wants you to be with her but doesn't want a relationship with you. Quite confusing huh?! If you want to be her ''formal'; boyfriend and in a serious relationship with her, I suggest you to speak to her. It's better if -she is my girlfriend or she isn't - than keep thinking about this.
You really loved this girl huh... =) Wish you the best!
You sure talk a lot LOL! This girl has got you wind up! YOU HAVE TO GET A GRIP! She is playing you from both ends! as for you don't get this other girl you dating hurt beacuse you have feelings for your friend i think you need to be by yourself! I think ya need to be serious for once if not get some space!
I know this is easy for me to say, but why cant you just ask her out on a date. Tell her how you feel about her. Maybe she feels the saame as you but is too scared to tell you in case you dont feel anything but friendship for her.
This is a very difficult situation but unless you tell her how you feel you will not be able to move on with your life , if she genuinely doesnt want you as her boyfriend..
Good luck and I hope it all works out the way you want it too.
shame... i think that she likes you but somehow i think that she may need some convincing from your side. i think you have a chance here otherwise here's no point in beating yourself over for someone who doesn't want to give themselves to you.
yeah what she said,she`s mad for you..and won't accept it..try to hit on her ...
It sounds to me that you have been manupilated by a woman who doesn't find you sexually appealing and cannot see herself with you but yet she wants you single just in case. Never ever waste time on someone who will not make it obvious that she wants to be *more* than friends. Let her go, experience your life and if she gets jealous about it she isn't worth keeping as a friend. Friends don't do that to one another.
She's mad for you but for some reason won't admit it !!! Maybe she's scared it'll all end in tears !!!
sounds to me like she does really have very deep feelings for you, but wont admit it for whatever reason. She may be scared of losing you if it all goes wrong. Bear with it and i'm sure in time you'll get together. Dont mention other girls to her as it only makes her jealous.
She sounds like she really likes you a lot and in a romantic way ..............but she also seems to have a barrier up.........has she been hurt before in another relationship? Have patience and perhaps she may surprise you and drop the barrier. I hope so for your sake because you sound like you are very fond of her.
Sounds like she enjoys hanging around with you, until someone else comes along. You should get on with your life, you have given her the opportunity and she doesnt want a relationship, so move on, if you are meant to be together you will.
Okay, so I'm not a girl....
It sounds to me that she cares for you deeply - as a friend. Jealousy happens, even in a platonic relationship; she may be worried that you won't want to see her any more if you start seeing someone else.
You obviously want to be more than friends. Ask her. If she says no, then you still have a very good friend and at least you know where you stand.
I think she is having feeling for you but due to some very strong personal reason she is not admitting it......Acc to me...u should just make her feel more comfortable with ur friendship so dta she vomit out all going inside her and yell her love for u......!
She might be afraid to admit her feelings or to take the step that will lead to a committment. You did say she hasn't had a boyfriend before so maybe she's unsure and afraid of what will happen.
You've tried talking to her and it obviously hasnt worked. I would say try to persuade her by other means i.e. show her what a great boyfriend you would make without actually mentioning the subject again, so buy her flowers etc. Hopefully she will soon admit her true feelings.
this girl obviously feels a great deal for u. but it is obviously scared of ruining the bond and friendship the two of you have built up. she just needs lots of time to realise if ya want something in life there are usually risks. if you can reassure this girl that you think the world of her and that no matter what you will always be friends and you will always be there for her then given time she will realise you are worth the risk, as you have waited patiently untill she is ready to move forward. hope all goes well mate.
She is totally, utterly besotted with you but for some reason cannot admit it! Maybe something bad has happened to her in her childhood that makes her unable to admit her feelings - or maybe someone she really trusted/loved in the past left her without any explanation! Its a tuff one and i really really wish you the best of luck! You both deserve to be happy TOGETHER!!!!! Goodluck xxx
You are a good friend, if you had a relationship and it didn't work, then she has lost this good friend too. She doesn't want to risk that, so if you get too close she backs off, although she probably loves you, she would rather have you as a friend for ever or not
at all.
Elaine
She doesn鈥檛 like it when I mention other girls that I鈥檓 interested in or ask her for advice concerning them.She always tells me that she never pulled when she went out,she鈥檚 not interested in anyone, don鈥檛 fancy anyone,etc
We kissed once(very passionate,all over each other)a few months back and she said we should remain friends.She said that I don鈥檛 do it for her(also kiss), but still finds me attractive and the thought of us being intimate doesn鈥檛 repulse her. So how can鈥檛 I do it for her?Is this a relationship? What's really going on?Girls advice鈥erious answers only please,ANY MORE ADVICE,THXS!
Dear :
She is not a psyco nor is she a c***k tease!Nor is she playing you!
From my point of view it seems that this girl really loves you and wants you forever in her life!Because of the fact that she never had a relationship before she is scared that if She goes to the next level with you then she might lose you and your friendship!
It is so hard for girls to find a best friend in the guy they love and most often when a girl spends most of her time with a boy she considers her friend she grows to love him very strongly!
She doesnot advice and like hearing about other girls because she loves you and she doesnot want anyone to take you away from her!
You will want to know then why does she not get into a relationship with you, and why she apologises and says there can be no relationship!
This girl loves you soo much that she is afraid that you will turn her away or just get fedup of her!Maybe she knows your history with other girls and she is afraid to end up like them!
Sit down with her and confess your love and tell her that you will always be her best friend and lover if she wishes it!
Make it clear that if ahe does not want you then if another girl comes along you will have no choice as you cannot remain single for ever-but do this gently!
Just make her known that your outings and fun will not stop if the two of you become lovers!
You see, most times when a woman enters a relationship the fun she had before with the guy is gone!Thats what she is afraid of!Just reassure her that lovers doesnot mean the elimination of fun!
Goodluck and dodnot hurt her for it seems that you will never find a girl that loves you as mush as her!
Love SANAMIs this a relationship? What's really going on?Girls advice鈥erious answers only please,ANY MORE ADVICE,THXS!
stop forcing the issue --- you are both an item --- stop mentioning other ladies --- dont say anything --- dont see any dont talk about any ---- she will notice
go out together as you have been doing ---- see what happens
hang in there..sounds like she really does want you but she may really be scared that if she admits it, something will go wrong and she will lose you...maybe even as a friend. maybe if you don't mention other girls to her it would help...only talk about her and as if she is the only one....hopefully that will make her feel more secure about a real relationship....good luck....no one ever said love is easy......
you had me feeling all sad for you right up til the phrase 'c**k tease' you are obviously quite a frustrated guy over this and no woman likes to be called that unless in a saucy moment with her beloved...its not nice...
i think she sounds quite confused and to be honest you can love someone and wish that you could be together on another level but it just doesnt kick in physically for you so ts no good but it doesnt stop the emotonal feelings...i think your best option would be to sit her down without pressuring her and just tell her that you like her but she has said that she isnt interested in that kind of relationship and you respect that but if thats the case then you would like her to accept that you do have needs and wishes of your own and that she has to allow you the space and respect of still being you friend if you see other women ...if she doesnt want to talk write her a letter and give it to her saying that you know he doesnt like to talk so would she read the letter and come back to you to talk or give you a letter back in response...hope this helps but make sure you keep that frustration under wraps...its not attractive...;0)
You already know this... she is very close to you as a friend, AND on a more intimate level.
She does feel jealousy and is hurt by the thought of not having you, but at the same time, is probably scared of what the cost could be if it went wrong. Some people live for YEARS with these untouchable, secret feelings.
Ask her on a date.... tell her you DO like her, treat her as someone very special so that she can see you think of her as more than 'just' a friend. It really is better to take a chance and experience love than to always wonder what might have been. An enduring friendship will survive if there isn't anything else in it.
I think she has really deep feelings for you, but is possibly scared of a sexual relationship with you. You don't say how old you both are. If you carry on the same way you are now, it could develop into something deeper when she's ready, but it's a risk...you could be wasting your time.
This is a relationship already. At least for you. It's OK, after all you do get to socialize, but don't expect anything more.
hi. i dont know why you got thumbs down. anyway she sounds scared of ruining anything you have got as friends and when you are in a relationship it goes much further and she may be frightened it could turn sour halfway down the line and losing your friendship and love altogether so she sounds confused about what she wants from you and ive no doubt this girl is crazy for you she just dont know what to do about it thats why she changes the topic. my advice tell her you know shes tryin to change the subject but tell her life is too short and if you dont give it a go then you will always be the buts if's and maybes.
You need to just be honest with eachother, it appears that there is a lot of dodging the real situation here and a lot of avoiding the truth. Just tell her how you feel, if she doesn't want to admit to anything, then she is playing games with you and isn't worth it. It's going to take one of you to put a stop to that and unfortunately - it looks like it's going to be you.
I think she likes you but never want to be your girlfriend. She likes you for sure -- she wants you to be with her but doesn't want a relationship with you. Quite confusing huh?! If you want to be her ''formal'; boyfriend and in a serious relationship with her, I suggest you to speak to her. It's better if -she is my girlfriend or she isn't - than keep thinking about this.
You really loved this girl huh... =) Wish you the best!
You sure talk a lot LOL! This girl has got you wind up! YOU HAVE TO GET A GRIP! She is playing you from both ends! as for you don't get this other girl you dating hurt beacuse you have feelings for your friend i think you need to be by yourself! I think ya need to be serious for once if not get some space!
I know this is easy for me to say, but why cant you just ask her out on a date. Tell her how you feel about her. Maybe she feels the saame as you but is too scared to tell you in case you dont feel anything but friendship for her.
This is a very difficult situation but unless you tell her how you feel you will not be able to move on with your life , if she genuinely doesnt want you as her boyfriend..
Good luck and I hope it all works out the way you want it too.
shame... i think that she likes you but somehow i think that she may need some convincing from your side. i think you have a chance here otherwise here's no point in beating yourself over for someone who doesn't want to give themselves to you.
yeah what she said,she`s mad for you..and won't accept it..try to hit on her ...
It sounds to me that you have been manupilated by a woman who doesn't find you sexually appealing and cannot see herself with you but yet she wants you single just in case. Never ever waste time on someone who will not make it obvious that she wants to be *more* than friends. Let her go, experience your life and if she gets jealous about it she isn't worth keeping as a friend. Friends don't do that to one another.
She's mad for you but for some reason won't admit it !!! Maybe she's scared it'll all end in tears !!!
sounds to me like she does really have very deep feelings for you, but wont admit it for whatever reason. She may be scared of losing you if it all goes wrong. Bear with it and i'm sure in time you'll get together. Dont mention other girls to her as it only makes her jealous.
She sounds like she really likes you a lot and in a romantic way ..............but she also seems to have a barrier up.........has she been hurt before in another relationship? Have patience and perhaps she may surprise you and drop the barrier. I hope so for your sake because you sound like you are very fond of her.
Sounds like she enjoys hanging around with you, until someone else comes along. You should get on with your life, you have given her the opportunity and she doesnt want a relationship, so move on, if you are meant to be together you will.
Okay, so I'm not a girl....
It sounds to me that she cares for you deeply - as a friend. Jealousy happens, even in a platonic relationship; she may be worried that you won't want to see her any more if you start seeing someone else.
You obviously want to be more than friends. Ask her. If she says no, then you still have a very good friend and at least you know where you stand.
I think she is having feeling for you but due to some very strong personal reason she is not admitting it......Acc to me...u should just make her feel more comfortable with ur friendship so dta she vomit out all going inside her and yell her love for u......!
She might be afraid to admit her feelings or to take the step that will lead to a committment. You did say she hasn't had a boyfriend before so maybe she's unsure and afraid of what will happen.
You've tried talking to her and it obviously hasnt worked. I would say try to persuade her by other means i.e. show her what a great boyfriend you would make without actually mentioning the subject again, so buy her flowers etc. Hopefully she will soon admit her true feelings.
this girl obviously feels a great deal for u. but it is obviously scared of ruining the bond and friendship the two of you have built up. she just needs lots of time to realise if ya want something in life there are usually risks. if you can reassure this girl that you think the world of her and that no matter what you will always be friends and you will always be there for her then given time she will realise you are worth the risk, as you have waited patiently untill she is ready to move forward. hope all goes well mate.
She is totally, utterly besotted with you but for some reason cannot admit it! Maybe something bad has happened to her in her childhood that makes her unable to admit her feelings - or maybe someone she really trusted/loved in the past left her without any explanation! Its a tuff one and i really really wish you the best of luck! You both deserve to be happy TOGETHER!!!!! Goodluck xxx
You are a good friend, if you had a relationship and it didn't work, then she has lost this good friend too. She doesn't want to risk that, so if you get too close she backs off, although she probably loves you, she would rather have you as a friend for ever or not
at all.
Elaine
Girl leaving a longer relationship for someone she barely knows .... advice?
So I barely know this girl from one of my classes and shes been talking to me telling me she thinks im really good looking. We seem to share some things in common but have never hung out.
Anyways she invited me to hang out/maybe go on a date about a week ago. Then I found out she was in a relationship and said that I wanted to but didnt think it would be a good idea since she had a boyfriend. (seems to have been a decently long relationship 1-2 years) She said I was probably right but that they had been on the outs for a while.
So about a week passes and now shes single and trying to talk to me again.
How long should I wait to make sure things are resolved before doing anything ?
Should I even bother if she is so quick to drop one guy for another?Girl leaving a longer relationship for someone she barely knows .... advice?
It won't hurt, to go out and talk to her. Just be careful before giving her your heart. Talking to people is okay, get to know her better and you might be surprised because sometime what you think you know you really don't have a clue about.
Good Luck!Girl leaving a longer relationship for someone she barely knows .... advice?
It is best for you, as a new intimate factor in her life, to stay out of such a relationship to avoid further conflict from her ex. So wait for about a month or two (maintaining friendship) or until it all cools down and then you can date her. Best of regards, and Godspeed.
Dude, relationships have their ups and downs... so this is a clear sign that this girl isn't in it for the long haul... if you start on a down, then she's going to book for the next guy she finds good looking. So, advice, if you want to have some fun, go for it whenever you feel like it, but I wouldn't get ';involved'; with her if i were you...
This personally happened to me. Some kid was up by four months and I was a dick for a year. But now I'm the man, and that kid sucked anyway, woo hoo, I am a success of a man.
Ps. Last month's issue of Maxim, COXER IS FIGURE SKATING!
chances are she is ganna tell you that he was a abusive asshole and a jerk. its not true. you give her more attention than the other guy since its something new. you flatter her more right now. she thinks things will be better with you. but she will be back with the other dude
It would really depend on the reason why she broke up with her boyfriend.
Was it a mature decision on both parties?
there's nothing wrong with having her just as a close friend for now, so you can get to know her better.
HAH! i wouldnt touch her! she sounds like a cheater! i bet by the sounds of it that her and her boyfriend break up and make up alot and all the guys inbetween are rebound.
If you think that you like her than all you can do is try and see if it works out maybe she will be diffrent with you
well she aint worth it! i bet shell do that again!http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?鈥?/a>
go for it. early bird gets the worm. she might meet someone else so why waste time. if anything, take as a hint the fact that she broke up with him shortly after she asked her out.
Last line of your question sums it up quite nicely. You know what's going to happen.
id say its not worth it ..
if she did that to him who's to say she wont do that to you..
sounds like a whore to me
that seems like the type of person who seems to always be looking for ';the next best thing';. BUT she really might have been having problems in her former reationship, so it's a really hard one to call. i think your best bet is to wait a few weeks and make sure, that SHE is sure of what she wants, and make sure she's not just telling you she's over with her ex, to try and get you to date her, just to see which one she wants. i would go to her myspace and her ex bfs too and try to see if shes telling the truth.
Anyways she invited me to hang out/maybe go on a date about a week ago. Then I found out she was in a relationship and said that I wanted to but didnt think it would be a good idea since she had a boyfriend. (seems to have been a decently long relationship 1-2 years) She said I was probably right but that they had been on the outs for a while.
So about a week passes and now shes single and trying to talk to me again.
How long should I wait to make sure things are resolved before doing anything ?
Should I even bother if she is so quick to drop one guy for another?Girl leaving a longer relationship for someone she barely knows .... advice?
It won't hurt, to go out and talk to her. Just be careful before giving her your heart. Talking to people is okay, get to know her better and you might be surprised because sometime what you think you know you really don't have a clue about.
Good Luck!Girl leaving a longer relationship for someone she barely knows .... advice?
It is best for you, as a new intimate factor in her life, to stay out of such a relationship to avoid further conflict from her ex. So wait for about a month or two (maintaining friendship) or until it all cools down and then you can date her. Best of regards, and Godspeed.
Dude, relationships have their ups and downs... so this is a clear sign that this girl isn't in it for the long haul... if you start on a down, then she's going to book for the next guy she finds good looking. So, advice, if you want to have some fun, go for it whenever you feel like it, but I wouldn't get ';involved'; with her if i were you...
This personally happened to me. Some kid was up by four months and I was a dick for a year. But now I'm the man, and that kid sucked anyway, woo hoo, I am a success of a man.
Ps. Last month's issue of Maxim, COXER IS FIGURE SKATING!
chances are she is ganna tell you that he was a abusive asshole and a jerk. its not true. you give her more attention than the other guy since its something new. you flatter her more right now. she thinks things will be better with you. but she will be back with the other dude
It would really depend on the reason why she broke up with her boyfriend.
Was it a mature decision on both parties?
there's nothing wrong with having her just as a close friend for now, so you can get to know her better.
HAH! i wouldnt touch her! she sounds like a cheater! i bet by the sounds of it that her and her boyfriend break up and make up alot and all the guys inbetween are rebound.
If you think that you like her than all you can do is try and see if it works out maybe she will be diffrent with you
well she aint worth it! i bet shell do that again!http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?鈥?/a>
go for it. early bird gets the worm. she might meet someone else so why waste time. if anything, take as a hint the fact that she broke up with him shortly after she asked her out.
Last line of your question sums it up quite nicely. You know what's going to happen.
id say its not worth it ..
if she did that to him who's to say she wont do that to you..
sounds like a whore to me
that seems like the type of person who seems to always be looking for ';the next best thing';. BUT she really might have been having problems in her former reationship, so it's a really hard one to call. i think your best bet is to wait a few weeks and make sure, that SHE is sure of what she wants, and make sure she's not just telling you she's over with her ex, to try and get you to date her, just to see which one she wants. i would go to her myspace and her ex bfs too and try to see if shes telling the truth.
Psychic advice and/or reading for love life/relationship?
Hi, I am looking for some psychic advice/reading for my love life. Could anyone be of help? It would mean a lot. Please no mean answers. Thank you!Psychic advice and/or reading for love life/relationship?
my advice as a psychic:
solve your own problems. this is the only way you will ever find meaningful and lasting solutions.oreal
my advice as a psychic:
solve your own problems. this is the only way you will ever find meaningful and lasting solutions.
Help... My Fiance' & I just got engaged, we need advice on how to make this relationship last!?
We both love one another, but have a hard time expressing our feeling to one another. He is an impatient person as well as controlling, I have my control issues as well... I alllow him to make me feel like I'm living on egg shells 24/7 We work together bur I never have a paycheck. Always having to ask for everything instead of being able to go buy the things I want or need, If we have an argument he makes it clear that everything belongs to him!! I'm at my witts end. He doesn't make love to me often, It's about his wants %26amp; needs @ his time! Please Hlp!Help... My Fiance' %26amp; I just got engaged, we need advice on how to make this relationship last!?
Obviously there is some reason why you have chosen to become engaged altho it sounds like there are control issues for both of you. You don't want to get tied into a marriage with someone who will control you like that ~ but what are your control issues? Be honest about all of this with him %26amp; see what happens. Now is not the time to start keeping your feelings to yourself.
As for your difficulty in expressing your feeling to each other:
I recommend this book (not a quick-fix answer ';): ';intimacy, trusting oneself and the other'; by Osho. Here is a little bit from the back cover: ';.....Far more important to intimacy is a willingness to expose our deepest feelings and vulnerabilities, with the trust that the other person will treat these with care. Ultimately, the willingness to take the risk of intimacy has to be grounded in an inner strength that knows that even if the other remains closed, even if that trust is betrayed, we will not suffer any permanent damage....[Osho takes us ...through what makes intimacy frightening and how to encounter those fears, go beyond them, and nourish ourselves and our relationships to support more openness and trust]';.
from st. martin's griffin press or www.stmartins.com
you can find it at many large bookstores or they can order it %26amp; is less than 200 pages but excellent...
Also, pls ask him to read it! Good luck!Help... My Fiance' %26amp; I just got engaged, we need advice on how to make this relationship last!?
When it comes to money, there is always arguing. A solution that you could come up to is to get a job that pays you. That way, you can get the stuff you want and share off the products to pay and bills depending on the proportion of income you could get. If you haven't finish your studies, go for it. You are never to old to learn and you'll get paid even more. You'll also get more respect from your husbund.
hope this helps
goodluck
PRE MARITAL COUNSELING
if ur already asking that question and just got engaged, maybe u should break it off and wait awhile. i was in the same boat. relationships take alot of effort. there are always going to be up and downs. you should be allowed to at least have some independence. if he wants to be the breadwinner and wont let u work, then tell him he can finance ur education, and everything else u need. do not marry unless u both are sure that its a lifetime commitment.. good luck girl
Why are you marrying him? If he is a controlling boyfriend, he will be an even more controlling husband and that is not good marriage material.
It sounds like you both have some growing up to do. Don't get married until you are both more mature. From what you write there are a lot of danger signs in your relationship.
Dear ... This situation is only going to get worse if you marry him. Why on earth would you even want to be with this person much less marry him? Run!!! I stayed with a man like this for 16 years ... He became more and more abusive and more and more controlling.
oh-- hell naw..... you get your *** up, get a part
time job.. then go to a full time job.......
stand your ground...... stand on your own two feet.....
and make your own living.......
i did it after 22yrs. of marriage,
after my kids were out of school.....and older......
was hard at first..... but better toward the end.......
Obviously there is some reason why you have chosen to become engaged altho it sounds like there are control issues for both of you. You don't want to get tied into a marriage with someone who will control you like that ~ but what are your control issues? Be honest about all of this with him %26amp; see what happens. Now is not the time to start keeping your feelings to yourself.
As for your difficulty in expressing your feeling to each other:
I recommend this book (not a quick-fix answer ';): ';intimacy, trusting oneself and the other'; by Osho. Here is a little bit from the back cover: ';.....Far more important to intimacy is a willingness to expose our deepest feelings and vulnerabilities, with the trust that the other person will treat these with care. Ultimately, the willingness to take the risk of intimacy has to be grounded in an inner strength that knows that even if the other remains closed, even if that trust is betrayed, we will not suffer any permanent damage....[Osho takes us ...through what makes intimacy frightening and how to encounter those fears, go beyond them, and nourish ourselves and our relationships to support more openness and trust]';.
from st. martin's griffin press or www.stmartins.com
you can find it at many large bookstores or they can order it %26amp; is less than 200 pages but excellent...
Also, pls ask him to read it! Good luck!Help... My Fiance' %26amp; I just got engaged, we need advice on how to make this relationship last!?
When it comes to money, there is always arguing. A solution that you could come up to is to get a job that pays you. That way, you can get the stuff you want and share off the products to pay and bills depending on the proportion of income you could get. If you haven't finish your studies, go for it. You are never to old to learn and you'll get paid even more. You'll also get more respect from your husbund.
hope this helps
goodluck
PRE MARITAL COUNSELING
if ur already asking that question and just got engaged, maybe u should break it off and wait awhile. i was in the same boat. relationships take alot of effort. there are always going to be up and downs. you should be allowed to at least have some independence. if he wants to be the breadwinner and wont let u work, then tell him he can finance ur education, and everything else u need. do not marry unless u both are sure that its a lifetime commitment.. good luck girl
Why are you marrying him? If he is a controlling boyfriend, he will be an even more controlling husband and that is not good marriage material.
It sounds like you both have some growing up to do. Don't get married until you are both more mature. From what you write there are a lot of danger signs in your relationship.
Dear ... This situation is only going to get worse if you marry him. Why on earth would you even want to be with this person much less marry him? Run!!! I stayed with a man like this for 16 years ... He became more and more abusive and more and more controlling.
oh-- hell naw..... you get your *** up, get a part
time job.. then go to a full time job.......
stand your ground...... stand on your own two feet.....
and make your own living.......
i did it after 22yrs. of marriage,
after my kids were out of school.....and older......
was hard at first..... but better toward the end.......
I am truly sick of this shi*... I need some advice on my emotionally abusive relationship?
I just can't do it. I just can't do it anymore. I am balling my eyes out right now. I am so sick and tired of feeling like I always have to tell him what I want to do. I know he is not a mind reader!!!! But come on, I have been asking him all ******* week to go to the beach, and he has said yes this whole entire time!!! But now, I have been walking around in my bikini for 2 hours and he has been drinking ******* beer since 8 am in in the mother ******* morning! I finally got sick of dropping hints and was like, ';Hey, lets go to the beach! It is 86 degrees outside'; and he says, ';I don't liek my body right now, maybe next weekend'; The guy weighs himself everyday, and drinks alcohol in place of food. I just blew up. I started crying, becuase girls, you know that sometims it is nice for your your boyfrined just to pick up on the little things you say... I always have to ask him for things, when I know that he knows what I want... he admits that he, ';just needs to hear it....'; He says, ';I am sick of people not ';owning'; up'; I feel like a crazy person right now. He heard me crying and he just said, ';Ball, baby.. ball'; And then came in 3 minutes later to ask me if I wanted to go to target with him? Are you serious? Why would I want to go a ******* place with you? The only place I want to go with him is to the middle of the woods far far away so no one can hear him scream while I castrate him! When ever he knows that I want something, he will make me ask for it... even though he knows exactly what it is... and when I finally do, he says NO!!! That is what pisses me off. And then he turns it around on me and gets mad because I scream at him. I just hate him. I just hate him so bad. He seen me cry and he just laughed. I have NO friends and he knows it, and he tells me all the time, ';You have no place to go';. I hate him. I just want to be away. Oh God, how did I get myself into this ****? He knows I want to leave him, and he says he will change, but if this is his definition of chage than he can **** off!I am truly sick of this shi*... I need some advice on my emotionally abusive relationship?
Youre stupid. Thats why he does that stuff to you. He knows you'll take it. If you keep doing what you're doing, I wouldn't be surprised if he starts slapping you around a bit. Or has he already started? LOLI am truly sick of this shi*... I need some advice on my emotionally abusive relationship?
woahh...calm down first then leave that loser alone!!
Go to the beach if you want to dont let him hold you back from life. Go out there make freinds and show him up for what he really is, a stupid pig. Hes taken you forgranted and dont let this carry on! You Go Girl!
Erm.... so why haven't you left him then?
if you hate him so much break up with him. everyone can find someone else... just look at those people on the eharmony ads!
You have to find up some way to leave him is the only thing you can do.
He sounds like a jackass and you deserve more than that.
I don't see any change by this. And in the future it might turn to physical abusive,
Youre stupid. Thats why he does that stuff to you. He knows you'll take it. If you keep doing what you're doing, I wouldn't be surprised if he starts slapping you around a bit. Or has he already started? LOLI am truly sick of this shi*... I need some advice on my emotionally abusive relationship?
woahh...calm down first then leave that loser alone!!
Go to the beach if you want to dont let him hold you back from life. Go out there make freinds and show him up for what he really is, a stupid pig. Hes taken you forgranted and dont let this carry on! You Go Girl!
Erm.... so why haven't you left him then?
if you hate him so much break up with him. everyone can find someone else... just look at those people on the eharmony ads!
You have to find up some way to leave him is the only thing you can do.
He sounds like a jackass and you deserve more than that.
I don't see any change by this. And in the future it might turn to physical abusive,
Mature Advice Pls: Feeling very down about relationship?
Seems my fiance can't be happy. I know he had a BAD childhood.
He is very insecure and irresponsible when it comes to paying bills on time, budgeting, time with kids, etc.
I use to be a very freespirited, open, inspired person but now I am very depressed and have been for a while, can it be b/c of him?
I feel inspired when I hear certain songs or meet certain people who are not as insecure and are free, it also makes me feel like I've lost myself.
At times, I feel close to him but other times I don't.
I called just now to ask about the kids and how they are doing, ate breakfast, etc. He was very bland about it and said he feels wierd vibes from me and that I didn't ask how he was doing. I said that will happen sometimes, I'm not perfect andwill ask about the kids and not him at times, doesn't mean I don't love him.
Something's always wrong. And I feel very,very trapped and edgy.
My dreams seem distant, and when I tell him how he doesnt seem happy, I cant help but get frustrated, adviceMature Advice Pls: Feeling very down about relationship?
I'm sorry to hear about your unhappiness, and I think it's good that you are asking these questions. Sometimes, when we first fall in love, we imagine our lives for a while. When something reveals itself to us, we imagine it away by either noticing good things or covering the bad things with rationalizations.
It's sad that your fianc茅e is from a bad childhood. While there are many adults who have overcome disappointments in life, there are many who can't, won't, or just never will. Even well-adjusted adults can carry hurts and disappointments with them into relationships. It's important that you look very carefully at your relationship and see how your fianc茅e鈥檚 disappointments may be affecting you.
It seems that over time you have begun to notice how his behavior is affecting you. You are feeling depressed and edgy. You find yourself reminding him not to overreact when you ask about the children first. Perhaps you should remind yourself that there isn't anything wrong with asking about the children first. It wasn't that you were being imperfect. You were making conversation.
Understandably, a relationship of four years may be very comfortable in spite of hardship. You have been close for a long time. However, you are noticing some problems with the way you relate. Perhaps there is good reason for you to feel trapped and edgy. Maybe this relationship just doesn't fit for you right now.
I'm not suggesting you throw everything away, but now might be a good time to seek some counseling for yourself. Can you follow your dreams in the context of this relationship? Or have you reached a fork in the road? Has the relationship caused you to doubt yourself and your own value as a person? Would you benefit from some time away? Maybe this relationship can't go any further.
You seem to be honestly assessing your hopes, dreams, and goals, and whether they work for you in this relationship. Continue to look at this honestly as you seek direction for your life right now. It is easy when things become confused to ';imagine'; our lives are as we wish they were. Instead, stand back and examine your reality. Only you can decide if this relationship still works for you.
I will be thinking of you.
__________________________
I see that you feel ';stuck'; -- with your own children and a fianc茅e that may encourage you to believe you have no options. I really think that finding a counselor that will work with you to help you make a ';plan';, whether to stay or to leave, would be of tremendous benefit to you. A good counselor will help you put things in perspective and will also help you find resources that you may not know are available.
In the meantime, try visiting your local social services agency. They have access to lists of resources for parents in need of childcare or legal assistance.Mature Advice Pls: Feeling very down about relationship?
You are welcome, fiestygirl. And thank you. I'll be thinking of you and wish you well.
He obviously needs to get past his anger. Only he can do that. You probably need to explain to him that is the only way. I know it will be hard. Maybe write him a letter or several. Whatever it takes. Explain to him that it dosen't help anyone that he is feeling and acting this way.
I think he might be bringing you down. So people with low self esteem problems pick at everything to get someone to baby them. What you might have to do is split the time and make sure you have time to reassure him that you love him and want the best for him. If that means getting help or just some alone time with you at night might fix the problem.
Hi,
If you need adivce mail me at my yahoo. Will help you out.
I think it's time for you to move on. It sounds as though he has broken your spirit, and you had better move fast to get it back. From what you have said, there are just too many little things that all add up to problems, and there are probably many more. If it doesn't feel good, it probably isn't. Go with your instinct!
This advice you don't really want to read, but in being fair from what I've just given up 31 yrs of my life for, has to be said. He sounds like an exact clone of my ex, and I felt sorry for him after finding out about his long, difficult childhood, and it still didn't work out after giving my all. Get out, it won't be easy, but if you really want a life for yourself with any type of happiness, he can't be in it. He'll try and tell you things will change, but that will happen until he puts you back in the same state of mind, so don't listen. You deserve a real life.
The problem is not him, is YOU. You want something else that he is not giving you and your are not satisfied in the relationship, You are dissapointed on him because you have all of this expectations for your life partner and he is not fulfilling your stantdards.
You are wondering about someting else is is clear that he is not him. It seems like you feel as if your are being taken for granted, bus this is how you feel. If he is getting bad vibes from you is because you are unhappy and the guy doesn't know why or how to fix it.
The problem here is that you stop communicating.... men are not mind readers. If you don;t tell him what is bothering you then he cannot do nothing about it. It will do you both some good to go to a couple's therapy because normally a mediated conversation will allow you to express hidden emotions, grudges and feelings that you would normally don't tell your partner.
Ussualy, when you hold a grudge for something, it grows and grows, then the other person keeps on going like nothing happens because they don;t know! then you become irritated and distant.....
Communicate, there is a underlying problem (the real issue) that you are not tellimg him and you are just venting over everything else and becoming frustrated about everything rathen than addressing the real issue.
Good luck
He is making you feel depressed and it's understandably why. He doesn't pay bills, can't manage money, doesn't spend time with the kids, has no motivation to stick with anything and whines because you didn't ask how he was doing. This is not all about him and many people in this world had bad childhoods and did not let that stop them from really making something of themselves.
It's good he picked up vibes from you this morning. If he was a smart man, he would realize you're getting tired of doing it all and it's affecting you and if he doesn't straighten up he's going to loose you.
You/ve got yourself a bum that's why you feel so down. Find someone better.
I am ';clinically Depressed [chemical imbalance]'; and my wife of 34 years has just adapted to it. She loves me too much to leave me, but I often wonder why. I'm moody, can't keep a job for more than 3-6 months [no matter how much I think I try].
Point is; you want to spend your life unhappy all the time? I don't think so! If you want, and you know best, RUN, RUN FAST; OR BE IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU REGRET FROM NOW ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
maybe you all should take a little break from each other and see if that would help. some times you really don't know what you got till its gone! being away from each other might make you realize you love that person and don't want to be with out them. maybe you need a chance to ';miss'; eachother. our take sometime for yourself without kids, sometimes we get bored and depressed with the same routine and need a little excitment away from realization. go on a date somewhere you both have never been or just get out of the house.
It sounds like you have given yourself your own answer you just need to take the leap and do it. Your not happy, this person is constanlty bringing making you feel bad. Changing your personality. Is that really how you want to live the rest of your life?? It sounds like NO. So I believe you need to make arraignements and move on. Good luck I know it's not easy but you will feel better in the long run and start to feel like your old self again.
You must have seen something in him when you met. I don't know if your married or not but you have children with him. He could be wondering the same thing about you. A healthy relationship is not easy. You have to work at it constantly. Everyone at sometime or the other wonders if they made the right choices. You have children so that will automatically take away from yourself for the next 18 years anyway. It does get better though. You have to communicate with each other. Both ways. Go to the doctor and get an antidepressant, it will help until you can deal better.
Why would you want to marry a man like this. Please don't say that you love him, because if you don't respect him and have fun with him what is love anyway? He is bringing you down and there is no reason that you should stay with him. Go now; you'll be glad you did.
He is very insecure and irresponsible when it comes to paying bills on time, budgeting, time with kids, etc.
I use to be a very freespirited, open, inspired person but now I am very depressed and have been for a while, can it be b/c of him?
I feel inspired when I hear certain songs or meet certain people who are not as insecure and are free, it also makes me feel like I've lost myself.
At times, I feel close to him but other times I don't.
I called just now to ask about the kids and how they are doing, ate breakfast, etc. He was very bland about it and said he feels wierd vibes from me and that I didn't ask how he was doing. I said that will happen sometimes, I'm not perfect andwill ask about the kids and not him at times, doesn't mean I don't love him.
Something's always wrong. And I feel very,very trapped and edgy.
My dreams seem distant, and when I tell him how he doesnt seem happy, I cant help but get frustrated, adviceMature Advice Pls: Feeling very down about relationship?
I'm sorry to hear about your unhappiness, and I think it's good that you are asking these questions. Sometimes, when we first fall in love, we imagine our lives for a while. When something reveals itself to us, we imagine it away by either noticing good things or covering the bad things with rationalizations.
It's sad that your fianc茅e is from a bad childhood. While there are many adults who have overcome disappointments in life, there are many who can't, won't, or just never will. Even well-adjusted adults can carry hurts and disappointments with them into relationships. It's important that you look very carefully at your relationship and see how your fianc茅e鈥檚 disappointments may be affecting you.
It seems that over time you have begun to notice how his behavior is affecting you. You are feeling depressed and edgy. You find yourself reminding him not to overreact when you ask about the children first. Perhaps you should remind yourself that there isn't anything wrong with asking about the children first. It wasn't that you were being imperfect. You were making conversation.
Understandably, a relationship of four years may be very comfortable in spite of hardship. You have been close for a long time. However, you are noticing some problems with the way you relate. Perhaps there is good reason for you to feel trapped and edgy. Maybe this relationship just doesn't fit for you right now.
I'm not suggesting you throw everything away, but now might be a good time to seek some counseling for yourself. Can you follow your dreams in the context of this relationship? Or have you reached a fork in the road? Has the relationship caused you to doubt yourself and your own value as a person? Would you benefit from some time away? Maybe this relationship can't go any further.
You seem to be honestly assessing your hopes, dreams, and goals, and whether they work for you in this relationship. Continue to look at this honestly as you seek direction for your life right now. It is easy when things become confused to ';imagine'; our lives are as we wish they were. Instead, stand back and examine your reality. Only you can decide if this relationship still works for you.
I will be thinking of you.
__________________________
I see that you feel ';stuck'; -- with your own children and a fianc茅e that may encourage you to believe you have no options. I really think that finding a counselor that will work with you to help you make a ';plan';, whether to stay or to leave, would be of tremendous benefit to you. A good counselor will help you put things in perspective and will also help you find resources that you may not know are available.
In the meantime, try visiting your local social services agency. They have access to lists of resources for parents in need of childcare or legal assistance.Mature Advice Pls: Feeling very down about relationship?
You are welcome, fiestygirl. And thank you. I'll be thinking of you and wish you well.
Report Abuse
He obviously needs to get past his anger. Only he can do that. You probably need to explain to him that is the only way. I know it will be hard. Maybe write him a letter or several. Whatever it takes. Explain to him that it dosen't help anyone that he is feeling and acting this way.
I think he might be bringing you down. So people with low self esteem problems pick at everything to get someone to baby them. What you might have to do is split the time and make sure you have time to reassure him that you love him and want the best for him. If that means getting help or just some alone time with you at night might fix the problem.
Hi,
If you need adivce mail me at my yahoo. Will help you out.
I think it's time for you to move on. It sounds as though he has broken your spirit, and you had better move fast to get it back. From what you have said, there are just too many little things that all add up to problems, and there are probably many more. If it doesn't feel good, it probably isn't. Go with your instinct!
This advice you don't really want to read, but in being fair from what I've just given up 31 yrs of my life for, has to be said. He sounds like an exact clone of my ex, and I felt sorry for him after finding out about his long, difficult childhood, and it still didn't work out after giving my all. Get out, it won't be easy, but if you really want a life for yourself with any type of happiness, he can't be in it. He'll try and tell you things will change, but that will happen until he puts you back in the same state of mind, so don't listen. You deserve a real life.
The problem is not him, is YOU. You want something else that he is not giving you and your are not satisfied in the relationship, You are dissapointed on him because you have all of this expectations for your life partner and he is not fulfilling your stantdards.
You are wondering about someting else is is clear that he is not him. It seems like you feel as if your are being taken for granted, bus this is how you feel. If he is getting bad vibes from you is because you are unhappy and the guy doesn't know why or how to fix it.
The problem here is that you stop communicating.... men are not mind readers. If you don;t tell him what is bothering you then he cannot do nothing about it. It will do you both some good to go to a couple's therapy because normally a mediated conversation will allow you to express hidden emotions, grudges and feelings that you would normally don't tell your partner.
Ussualy, when you hold a grudge for something, it grows and grows, then the other person keeps on going like nothing happens because they don;t know! then you become irritated and distant.....
Communicate, there is a underlying problem (the real issue) that you are not tellimg him and you are just venting over everything else and becoming frustrated about everything rathen than addressing the real issue.
Good luck
He is making you feel depressed and it's understandably why. He doesn't pay bills, can't manage money, doesn't spend time with the kids, has no motivation to stick with anything and whines because you didn't ask how he was doing. This is not all about him and many people in this world had bad childhoods and did not let that stop them from really making something of themselves.
It's good he picked up vibes from you this morning. If he was a smart man, he would realize you're getting tired of doing it all and it's affecting you and if he doesn't straighten up he's going to loose you.
You/ve got yourself a bum that's why you feel so down. Find someone better.
I am ';clinically Depressed [chemical imbalance]'; and my wife of 34 years has just adapted to it. She loves me too much to leave me, but I often wonder why. I'm moody, can't keep a job for more than 3-6 months [no matter how much I think I try].
Point is; you want to spend your life unhappy all the time? I don't think so! If you want, and you know best, RUN, RUN FAST; OR BE IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU REGRET FROM NOW ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
maybe you all should take a little break from each other and see if that would help. some times you really don't know what you got till its gone! being away from each other might make you realize you love that person and don't want to be with out them. maybe you need a chance to ';miss'; eachother. our take sometime for yourself without kids, sometimes we get bored and depressed with the same routine and need a little excitment away from realization. go on a date somewhere you both have never been or just get out of the house.
It sounds like you have given yourself your own answer you just need to take the leap and do it. Your not happy, this person is constanlty bringing making you feel bad. Changing your personality. Is that really how you want to live the rest of your life?? It sounds like NO. So I believe you need to make arraignements and move on. Good luck I know it's not easy but you will feel better in the long run and start to feel like your old self again.
You must have seen something in him when you met. I don't know if your married or not but you have children with him. He could be wondering the same thing about you. A healthy relationship is not easy. You have to work at it constantly. Everyone at sometime or the other wonders if they made the right choices. You have children so that will automatically take away from yourself for the next 18 years anyway. It does get better though. You have to communicate with each other. Both ways. Go to the doctor and get an antidepressant, it will help until you can deal better.
Why would you want to marry a man like this. Please don't say that you love him, because if you don't respect him and have fun with him what is love anyway? He is bringing you down and there is no reason that you should stay with him. Go now; you'll be glad you did.
Relationship dilhema....I need a lot of advice...?
I am 25 and have been in a relationship for almost 2 years. I love my boyfriend very much. However, I have been thinking about marriage lately, and the idea makes me VERY nervous instead of very happy. I am not sure if he's ';the one'; or not. But now I don't know what to do. I really don't want to break up with him because I love spending time with him. Anyone have any ideas how I can sort through my thoughts and figure out what to do? I am also affraid of making a huge mistake if I do break up with him. Help!!Relationship dilhema....I need a lot of advice...?
well, maybe you just aren't ready to take that plunge yet. no one said just becaus eyou have been together for 2 years mean that you have to get married now, or even discuss it. you'll know when it's right, just as well as you will know if it's time to end it.Relationship dilhema....I need a lot of advice...?
it is natural to get nervous. But if you really love him then don't you think you should talk to him about it? if he dumps you then he really didn't care about you and you should find someone who's not a dirtbag. However, if he does want to get married, then go get married.
good luck
It is natural to be nervous. Are you staying with him because you are afraid of being alone or because you don't want to lose him. I wouldn't even think of marriage until you work out your feeling for him. Take some time by yourself and really explore your feelings.
i stopped reading your question when you said ';i'm not sure if he's the one or not'; why? if you love him, then he IS the one. you might have a fear of settling down, a fear of commitment. take your time. chill, enjoy each other.
Your only 25, don't worry about marriage yet. Focus on you, challenge yourself at work, learn about some thing new, find new things that make you happy. The more you know yourself the more you'll know what you need.
y would u break up wit him?? ur only hurtin urself..its normal to get nervous when ur thinking of marrige cuz of da comitment...my advice to u is to not worry about marrige right now cuz dats only makin things worse..right now all u need to worry about is da fact that u have feelings 4 him and that u guyz are together..
well marriage is a big decision. if ur not sure then theres a bigger chance theres a divorce in the future. so just think bout it. spend some time alone by urself to think bout it. if u do decide on it, tell him how u feel and c wat he says
Stay with him and see where it goes. In the mean time don't think about marriage if you aren't ready for it yet or if you don't think he is the 1.
If you need advice yu should always email or IM me at advise_free_4you@yahoo.com please! I give great advice give me a chance please!
You are only 25. You are still young. Don't rush into marriage. Take your time. Marriage is a big step. Keep in mind there is no guarantee in life....even marriage. Having doubts is normal. I had doubts the day of my wedding and I knew I love my husband to be very much. The down side is I was very young...19 yrs old. My marriage lasted 3 years and I had a little girl to raise. Not to scare you but that's life. Just take your time, you don't have to break up with him, but this is something both of you need to discuss. Good Luck.
Life is just a big trial and error. You can either try it, like it, or levave it.
marriage is not an essential thing to do.. 2 people can be in love and want to spend thier lives together without the wedding thing.. if you are both happy as you are why ruin it!!!! some people go through their whole lives happy together without ever being married.. marriage is for some people due to circumstances that help finances or if one of them die you have more rights but nowadays people that arent married are having more rights anyway so stop worrying and just enjoy your life together
If i was you i wouldnt rush anything im sure he love you but you are still to young.Dont stress it to hard and just be happy if it was ment to be it will happen
well, maybe you just aren't ready to take that plunge yet. no one said just becaus eyou have been together for 2 years mean that you have to get married now, or even discuss it. you'll know when it's right, just as well as you will know if it's time to end it.Relationship dilhema....I need a lot of advice...?
it is natural to get nervous. But if you really love him then don't you think you should talk to him about it? if he dumps you then he really didn't care about you and you should find someone who's not a dirtbag. However, if he does want to get married, then go get married.
good luck
It is natural to be nervous. Are you staying with him because you are afraid of being alone or because you don't want to lose him. I wouldn't even think of marriage until you work out your feeling for him. Take some time by yourself and really explore your feelings.
i stopped reading your question when you said ';i'm not sure if he's the one or not'; why? if you love him, then he IS the one. you might have a fear of settling down, a fear of commitment. take your time. chill, enjoy each other.
Your only 25, don't worry about marriage yet. Focus on you, challenge yourself at work, learn about some thing new, find new things that make you happy. The more you know yourself the more you'll know what you need.
y would u break up wit him?? ur only hurtin urself..its normal to get nervous when ur thinking of marrige cuz of da comitment...my advice to u is to not worry about marrige right now cuz dats only makin things worse..right now all u need to worry about is da fact that u have feelings 4 him and that u guyz are together..
well marriage is a big decision. if ur not sure then theres a bigger chance theres a divorce in the future. so just think bout it. spend some time alone by urself to think bout it. if u do decide on it, tell him how u feel and c wat he says
Stay with him and see where it goes. In the mean time don't think about marriage if you aren't ready for it yet or if you don't think he is the 1.
If you need advice yu should always email or IM me at advise_free_4you@yahoo.com please! I give great advice give me a chance please!
You are only 25. You are still young. Don't rush into marriage. Take your time. Marriage is a big step. Keep in mind there is no guarantee in life....even marriage. Having doubts is normal. I had doubts the day of my wedding and I knew I love my husband to be very much. The down side is I was very young...19 yrs old. My marriage lasted 3 years and I had a little girl to raise. Not to scare you but that's life. Just take your time, you don't have to break up with him, but this is something both of you need to discuss. Good Luck.
Life is just a big trial and error. You can either try it, like it, or levave it.
marriage is not an essential thing to do.. 2 people can be in love and want to spend thier lives together without the wedding thing.. if you are both happy as you are why ruin it!!!! some people go through their whole lives happy together without ever being married.. marriage is for some people due to circumstances that help finances or if one of them die you have more rights but nowadays people that arent married are having more rights anyway so stop worrying and just enjoy your life together
If i was you i wouldnt rush anything im sure he love you but you are still to young.Dont stress it to hard and just be happy if it was ment to be it will happen
Any advice on how to tell my parents that I am involved in an interracial relationship?
Looking for advice/information if anyone can help. My Mom and sisters will be fine, it's just my Dad. Serious answers only. Thank you.Any advice on how to tell my parents that I am involved in an interracial relationship?
first tell him how this person is , how he makes u fell , wat he does n wat he means to u ... tell ur dad dat interracial relationships arent anythin out of the ordinary .. make sure u put all his positives out there n if he still doesnt accept him then u'll have a couple of prblems wit him but not 4 long r atleast not 4 eva he is still ur father n loves u , n if he wants the best 4 u he wont mind .... if he is still against it then just think bout wat makes u happy ur dad is important but ur happiness is 2 .. good luck n dont let no 1 distroy ur happinessAny advice on how to tell my parents that I am involved in an interracial relationship?
Don't even bring it up- just tell him that you've met an amazing guy who you really, really like, and that you hope that he likes him too. If you tell him beforehand then it will seem like you have a problem with it, and it will give him more fuel. If all he knows is that you're happy, then he'll be more inclined to like the guy before he meets him.
If your dad has a serious problem with him or is rude, then you don't need to be around him anymore. As long as you're happy in your relationship that's all that matters. Good luck! :)
Sit down and watch the classic Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn movie Guess Who's Coming to Dinner with your dad
and boyfriend. Even though it is a ';old but classic'; movie some of the issues might hit home.
It was one of Sidney Poiteir's first movies.
Good luck and be honest would be my advice.
I hope this will help.
are your parents racial? now adays there should be no problem. just be honest with your dad and tell him.....rememeber dad it is what makes me happy and you want what is best for me and you want me to be happy right. this is what makes me happy. support me and help me make this relationship work by saying it is ook and giving your blessing for me to date this person. you dad is your dad and he will hopfully see that you are happy and will support you........good luck!!!
I had the same issue with my Dad. Everybody else was fine. I just sat down and told him face to face, man to man. I told him if he loved me, he would accept my choices in life. He didn't talk to me for a month after I told him but ultimately he came around. I just kept talking to him like nothing was different.
I wish you well. It won't be easy but you have your family to help you.
My dad was the same way (we couldn't even have friends who weren't white growing up) I think you should tell him all the great things about your boyfriend (without telling him his race) then after he loves all his qualities - tell him his race??? I think that's how I would handle, but have never been in that situation.
You just have to tell him. My brother is in the same situation. But I tell my parents that I would rather have him with someone of a different race that treats him great, then with the same race that treats him like crap.
You just have to tell him, I am sure he will come around once he realizes how happy you are. Good luck.
Explain to your dad that you've found somebody that makes you incredibly happy. Then tell him about his race. If he realizes that your so happy about this person, then maybe he will not be so upset that he is of a different race
just tell them my mom praises the lord she was in an interracial relationship. tell your dad your really in love. im english, costa rican and dominican with some more european love is all that matters
first tell him how this person is , how he makes u fell , wat he does n wat he means to u ... tell ur dad dat interracial relationships arent anythin out of the ordinary .. make sure u put all his positives out there n if he still doesnt accept him then u'll have a couple of prblems wit him but not 4 long r atleast not 4 eva he is still ur father n loves u , n if he wants the best 4 u he wont mind .... if he is still against it then just think bout wat makes u happy ur dad is important but ur happiness is 2 .. good luck n dont let no 1 distroy ur happinessAny advice on how to tell my parents that I am involved in an interracial relationship?
Don't even bring it up- just tell him that you've met an amazing guy who you really, really like, and that you hope that he likes him too. If you tell him beforehand then it will seem like you have a problem with it, and it will give him more fuel. If all he knows is that you're happy, then he'll be more inclined to like the guy before he meets him.
If your dad has a serious problem with him or is rude, then you don't need to be around him anymore. As long as you're happy in your relationship that's all that matters. Good luck! :)
Sit down and watch the classic Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn movie Guess Who's Coming to Dinner with your dad
and boyfriend. Even though it is a ';old but classic'; movie some of the issues might hit home.
It was one of Sidney Poiteir's first movies.
Good luck and be honest would be my advice.
I hope this will help.
are your parents racial? now adays there should be no problem. just be honest with your dad and tell him.....rememeber dad it is what makes me happy and you want what is best for me and you want me to be happy right. this is what makes me happy. support me and help me make this relationship work by saying it is ook and giving your blessing for me to date this person. you dad is your dad and he will hopfully see that you are happy and will support you........good luck!!!
I had the same issue with my Dad. Everybody else was fine. I just sat down and told him face to face, man to man. I told him if he loved me, he would accept my choices in life. He didn't talk to me for a month after I told him but ultimately he came around. I just kept talking to him like nothing was different.
I wish you well. It won't be easy but you have your family to help you.
My dad was the same way (we couldn't even have friends who weren't white growing up) I think you should tell him all the great things about your boyfriend (without telling him his race) then after he loves all his qualities - tell him his race??? I think that's how I would handle, but have never been in that situation.
You just have to tell him. My brother is in the same situation. But I tell my parents that I would rather have him with someone of a different race that treats him great, then with the same race that treats him like crap.
You just have to tell him, I am sure he will come around once he realizes how happy you are. Good luck.
Explain to your dad that you've found somebody that makes you incredibly happy. Then tell him about his race. If he realizes that your so happy about this person, then maybe he will not be so upset that he is of a different race
just tell them my mom praises the lord she was in an interracial relationship. tell your dad your really in love. im english, costa rican and dominican with some more european love is all that matters
I'm in a serious relationship with older guy (15 yrs) and i need some advice?
i've been seeing this guy for a few months now and we've known each other for years. he's 37 and i'm 22. he treats me well and this is quite possibly the most satisfying relationship i've had so far..we get along great. he has no kids and has never been married (he was engaged but she broke it off)
i'm not concerned about our age difference now but in thinking long term, our relationship might face greater challenges. he wants to have kids and i think about what it would mean to him (and the kids) to be a first-time dad in your forties. i think about being a spirited 55 year old woman enjoying her hard-earned retirement days traveling abroad while he would be 70 and possibly in declining health. am i being ridiculous or should i try to end it and avoid bigger problems later in our golden years? i really want to be in a relationship with him and in a few years, that could mean marriage---what would your advice be?I'm in a serious relationship with older guy (15 yrs) and i need some advice?
Life IS short, its smart to plan ahead, but i do not believe that being afraid of age- difference related issues is a strong enough reason to break it off. You did say its the most satisfying relationship u've had so far, i'm not saying nothing better will come later, u're 22 still young and u can find plenty of good relationshsips, HOWEVER, if u're satisfied with this one dont give it up! i'm 21 by the way, i dont have that much experience and i'm not dating an older man, but i do know this, worryng too much about the future will make u lose several present opportunities. Whatever wil be will be, who knows he might even outlive u! I think u shouldnt give up the guy, goodluck anyways.I'm in a serious relationship with older guy (15 yrs) and i need some advice?
One of the most exciting relationships I ever had was with a woman 17 years my senior. Sadly it did not work out. If you keep thinking about ';what might happen'; 10 or 20 or 50 years down the road you will never make a move. One of my philosophies is ';Life is short. Eat desert first';, but then I am a bit older than you. It is easier for a 40 yo man to have and raise kids than it is for a 40 yo woman to have and begin raising kids. No matter what you think might happen ';down the road';, I can guarantee you that what will happen is something you can not possibly think of at this point in time. To paraphrase Carl Sagan, ';Life is not stranger than you imagine, it is stranger than you can imagine.'; I could never have imagined whaere I am now in my wildest dreams. I'ld sau go for it, but then if it doesn't work out you will blame me.
It is wonderful of you to think that far ahead. Imagine how medicine was 20 years ago and imagine how it will be 20 years from now. Men's bodies are a little bit sturdier so you should be fine when you are 55 and he is 70. Osteoporosis hits women in their 50's so you could possibly be in no better shape than he is. Who knows what kind of medicines we'd have by then. Erection pills are available now so that department will not be a problem. You'll be fine.
it's your choice you can't always have someone help you every step of the way. and if it makes him happy it should make you happy too.
Good questions! It is really up to you, I would maybe write a list of pros and con's and really think hard about it! The age difference isn't that bad, and you never know how he might age! If he takes good care of himself! Your only as old as you feel, right! I hope whatever you choose makes you happy! Best wishes!oreal
i'm not concerned about our age difference now but in thinking long term, our relationship might face greater challenges. he wants to have kids and i think about what it would mean to him (and the kids) to be a first-time dad in your forties. i think about being a spirited 55 year old woman enjoying her hard-earned retirement days traveling abroad while he would be 70 and possibly in declining health. am i being ridiculous or should i try to end it and avoid bigger problems later in our golden years? i really want to be in a relationship with him and in a few years, that could mean marriage---what would your advice be?I'm in a serious relationship with older guy (15 yrs) and i need some advice?
Life IS short, its smart to plan ahead, but i do not believe that being afraid of age- difference related issues is a strong enough reason to break it off. You did say its the most satisfying relationship u've had so far, i'm not saying nothing better will come later, u're 22 still young and u can find plenty of good relationshsips, HOWEVER, if u're satisfied with this one dont give it up! i'm 21 by the way, i dont have that much experience and i'm not dating an older man, but i do know this, worryng too much about the future will make u lose several present opportunities. Whatever wil be will be, who knows he might even outlive u! I think u shouldnt give up the guy, goodluck anyways.I'm in a serious relationship with older guy (15 yrs) and i need some advice?
One of the most exciting relationships I ever had was with a woman 17 years my senior. Sadly it did not work out. If you keep thinking about ';what might happen'; 10 or 20 or 50 years down the road you will never make a move. One of my philosophies is ';Life is short. Eat desert first';, but then I am a bit older than you. It is easier for a 40 yo man to have and raise kids than it is for a 40 yo woman to have and begin raising kids. No matter what you think might happen ';down the road';, I can guarantee you that what will happen is something you can not possibly think of at this point in time. To paraphrase Carl Sagan, ';Life is not stranger than you imagine, it is stranger than you can imagine.'; I could never have imagined whaere I am now in my wildest dreams. I'ld sau go for it, but then if it doesn't work out you will blame me.
It is wonderful of you to think that far ahead. Imagine how medicine was 20 years ago and imagine how it will be 20 years from now. Men's bodies are a little bit sturdier so you should be fine when you are 55 and he is 70. Osteoporosis hits women in their 50's so you could possibly be in no better shape than he is. Who knows what kind of medicines we'd have by then. Erection pills are available now so that department will not be a problem. You'll be fine.
it's your choice you can't always have someone help you every step of the way. and if it makes him happy it should make you happy too.
Good questions! It is really up to you, I would maybe write a list of pros and con's and really think hard about it! The age difference isn't that bad, and you never know how he might age! If he takes good care of himself! Your only as old as you feel, right! I hope whatever you choose makes you happy! Best wishes!
I'm having relationship problems. Does anyone have any advice?
I'm an 18 year old gay male in a relationship. Recently, our 5 month relationship has been in a bit of turmoil. He is going off to college (40 minutes away) and seems to be a bit apprehensive about continuing things if he's going to be beginning a completely new stage. He says we'll be living two completely different lives. I've tried to ask him why he wants to break something that's working, and it doesn't seem to register. It almost seems like we're drifting apart because of this. I've also told him that he will never hold on to anybody if he always looks to what's next, but he still doesn't seem to understand.
He's difficult to describe. Although I think he gets attached quickly, I believe he over-analyzes everything. He told me he's afraid of ';falling in love with the wrong person.'; This is my first real relationship, so I really don't know what the hell I'm doing either. I do have feelings for him, and I would be really upset if it ended over this.
I broke out the math a few nights ago and he got really upset. If there are 8,000 people at your college,4,000 are women, 97% are straight, etc. I wasn't trying to make the case for me, but I just can't believe someone would want to end things if everything seems fine.
Thanks!I'm having relationship problems. Does anyone have any advice?
well i understand being hurt and everything but dont u think ur being a bit selfish here? ';let the person u love go, if they come back their urs, if they dont, they never were'; live by tht quote in this situation..maybe let him end it and continue being friends with him..hes gonna be new at college and hes going to want to experience new things..remain friends and see waht happens from there is the best u can do in this situation without forcing him into something tht he doesnt want.I'm having relationship problems. Does anyone have any advice?
It is said that when you love someone or something you let it go, if it comes back, it was meant to be if not, you chuck it down as experience.
That part about falling in love with the wrong person sounds like BS to me, but only your heart can tell you what to do.
Good luck.
Maybe he is just scared about falling in love. Like he said. Maybe he know he will like cheat on you or something and doesn't want to hurt you...question is do you love him? if you do then tell him! and tell him how much he means to you. tell him every thought about him that you ever had. Ask him if he loves you and if he does why would he want to break you guys up. Just keep repeating what you are doing and eventually it gets to them and they'll understand.
The problem is that you two really will be living two completely different lives. The thing about college is that it's main purpose is to give you a completely new experience. A lot of this does involve meeting new people, and some of it definitely involves new relationships. The sad thing is that if he cannot pursue other people because of you, he will just feel frustrated with you, and I know that isn't fair, and it isn't your fault, but I'm not sure if continuing the relationship is really even possible. I would try not to feel too mad at him for it... you'll probably feel the same way when you go off to college.
Are you not going to college?
If he is and you are not, then his pursuing of further self development makes you feel ';old'; because you aren't trying for it either.
In other words, he is advancing while you are staying behind. He probably feels this, and wants a companion who is his peer, and not someone who is going to be dragging him down. No offense.
A lot of people break ties when they go to college with old highschool relationships. It's pretty common. They usually find someone new in college and a lot of times, stay with them for a long time afterward.
well to be hnest with you its really hard what ur goin thru.. but it may sound harsh on you but i have to say u also have to move on. i know it may sound rude but you really cant do anything about it.. it hurt at first but eventually it will wear off.. coz if the other party decided not to pursue it.. one can try but once can only try until a certain point that u have to give up, the more u try hard the more hurtfull it will for you.. but i suggest take it slowly and hopefully it will be ok
He's difficult to describe. Although I think he gets attached quickly, I believe he over-analyzes everything. He told me he's afraid of ';falling in love with the wrong person.'; This is my first real relationship, so I really don't know what the hell I'm doing either. I do have feelings for him, and I would be really upset if it ended over this.
I broke out the math a few nights ago and he got really upset. If there are 8,000 people at your college,4,000 are women, 97% are straight, etc. I wasn't trying to make the case for me, but I just can't believe someone would want to end things if everything seems fine.
Thanks!I'm having relationship problems. Does anyone have any advice?
well i understand being hurt and everything but dont u think ur being a bit selfish here? ';let the person u love go, if they come back their urs, if they dont, they never were'; live by tht quote in this situation..maybe let him end it and continue being friends with him..hes gonna be new at college and hes going to want to experience new things..remain friends and see waht happens from there is the best u can do in this situation without forcing him into something tht he doesnt want.I'm having relationship problems. Does anyone have any advice?
It is said that when you love someone or something you let it go, if it comes back, it was meant to be if not, you chuck it down as experience.
That part about falling in love with the wrong person sounds like BS to me, but only your heart can tell you what to do.
Good luck.
Maybe he is just scared about falling in love. Like he said. Maybe he know he will like cheat on you or something and doesn't want to hurt you...question is do you love him? if you do then tell him! and tell him how much he means to you. tell him every thought about him that you ever had. Ask him if he loves you and if he does why would he want to break you guys up. Just keep repeating what you are doing and eventually it gets to them and they'll understand.
The problem is that you two really will be living two completely different lives. The thing about college is that it's main purpose is to give you a completely new experience. A lot of this does involve meeting new people, and some of it definitely involves new relationships. The sad thing is that if he cannot pursue other people because of you, he will just feel frustrated with you, and I know that isn't fair, and it isn't your fault, but I'm not sure if continuing the relationship is really even possible. I would try not to feel too mad at him for it... you'll probably feel the same way when you go off to college.
Are you not going to college?
If he is and you are not, then his pursuing of further self development makes you feel ';old'; because you aren't trying for it either.
In other words, he is advancing while you are staying behind. He probably feels this, and wants a companion who is his peer, and not someone who is going to be dragging him down. No offense.
A lot of people break ties when they go to college with old highschool relationships. It's pretty common. They usually find someone new in college and a lot of times, stay with them for a long time afterward.
well to be hnest with you its really hard what ur goin thru.. but it may sound harsh on you but i have to say u also have to move on. i know it may sound rude but you really cant do anything about it.. it hurt at first but eventually it will wear off.. coz if the other party decided not to pursue it.. one can try but once can only try until a certain point that u have to give up, the more u try hard the more hurtfull it will for you.. but i suggest take it slowly and hopefully it will be ok
Me and my man been together over a year he hasnt mentioned sex during our relationship i want to i need advice
me and himMe and my man been together over a year he hasnt mentioned sex during our relationship i want to i need advice
I disagree with Legandivori. I would not ask if he is gay. Your question doesn't indicate if he has been affectionate in other ways. Assuming he has, I think if I were you I would plan a romantic evening. Kiss, hug, hold hands, do whatever it is you do. Then use your best judgment. Would you do better to take the initiative yourself and see if you can't start something, or would he more appreciate your talking with him and telling him you want to take your relationship to a new level?Me and my man been together over a year he hasnt mentioned sex during our relationship i want to i need advice
some men are like some girl that want to wait to get married first.but then again you want to know if he is gay.he may enjoy being friends with you.
hmm.
this is a hard one
make him is favorite diner and just cater the whole night to him and when you two are talking casually throw in the question ';what do you think about intimacy'; and carry the conversation from there.
but don't be too forceful you don't want to seem as though your relationship should be based on sex
Ask him directly if he's gay. If he;'s not, ask him if he wants to fool around. If he says he wants to wait until he;s married ( occasionally happens), it;s your call. Only you know if you are willing to wait.
read erotic stories. it will help allloooottttt!
perhaps he wants to stay abstinent because he is a Christian. have you talked to him about this? because you need to. if sex is something he wants to wait for until marriage, you need to re-think your relationship with him.
Perhaps he is gay and does not want to admit such tendencies. I know from experience. I involved with a man that I cared about dearly. It never dawned on me that something wasnt right that I could lay next to the man totally naked, and he wouldnt touch me. I was secure with that fact at the same time. I was used who were on the opposite spectrum.The man will not admit it to this day,our relationship has diminished but we talk every now and then.Beware of men that only have male friends that they spend GREAT deals of time with ...that you never seem to meet and only hear about.
i dont understand your question, if you have been together for a year and no sex, either check for scars, or he is gay. if it the latter of the two, drop his ***. all guys r horny. you will find someone, life is short, have sex.
Well normally I would say to get a ';dildo'; . . . but it's apparent that your man is one already. Yeah, I would mention it to him. He sounds flaky.
it doesnt mean hes gay, he just likes u so much, that sex doesnt matter to him, some guys are in the relationship for sex only, other guys care about the girl
Invite him over.When he gets there,answer the door wearing something sexy.Ask him inside,then tell him what you want him to do to you.
How old are you?
I disagree with Legandivori. I would not ask if he is gay. Your question doesn't indicate if he has been affectionate in other ways. Assuming he has, I think if I were you I would plan a romantic evening. Kiss, hug, hold hands, do whatever it is you do. Then use your best judgment. Would you do better to take the initiative yourself and see if you can't start something, or would he more appreciate your talking with him and telling him you want to take your relationship to a new level?Me and my man been together over a year he hasnt mentioned sex during our relationship i want to i need advice
some men are like some girl that want to wait to get married first.but then again you want to know if he is gay.he may enjoy being friends with you.
hmm.
this is a hard one
make him is favorite diner and just cater the whole night to him and when you two are talking casually throw in the question ';what do you think about intimacy'; and carry the conversation from there.
but don't be too forceful you don't want to seem as though your relationship should be based on sex
Ask him directly if he's gay. If he;'s not, ask him if he wants to fool around. If he says he wants to wait until he;s married ( occasionally happens), it;s your call. Only you know if you are willing to wait.
read erotic stories. it will help allloooottttt!
perhaps he wants to stay abstinent because he is a Christian. have you talked to him about this? because you need to. if sex is something he wants to wait for until marriage, you need to re-think your relationship with him.
Perhaps he is gay and does not want to admit such tendencies. I know from experience. I involved with a man that I cared about dearly. It never dawned on me that something wasnt right that I could lay next to the man totally naked, and he wouldnt touch me. I was secure with that fact at the same time. I was used who were on the opposite spectrum.The man will not admit it to this day,our relationship has diminished but we talk every now and then.Beware of men that only have male friends that they spend GREAT deals of time with ...that you never seem to meet and only hear about.
i dont understand your question, if you have been together for a year and no sex, either check for scars, or he is gay. if it the latter of the two, drop his ***. all guys r horny. you will find someone, life is short, have sex.
Well normally I would say to get a ';dildo'; . . . but it's apparent that your man is one already. Yeah, I would mention it to him. He sounds flaky.
it doesnt mean hes gay, he just likes u so much, that sex doesnt matter to him, some guys are in the relationship for sex only, other guys care about the girl
Invite him over.When he gets there,answer the door wearing something sexy.Ask him inside,then tell him what you want him to do to you.
How old are you?
I am haveing relationship problems, can i get some advice?
*person* and i have been dating for almost a year and just recently she started to notice my flaws more often. she doesnt want me to change for her but if i dont change i may lose her and thus find myself in a paradox. I truly love her but if it has to end i dont want it to be in the horrid mess that it seems to be headed for can you give me some advice on the subject?I am haveing relationship problems, can i get some advice?
';*person* and i have been dating for almost a year and just recently she started to notice my flaws more often';
That is something that happens to everyone the longer that you are in a relationship, it isn't a problem it is just the fact that she is getting to know you better.
';she doesnt want me to change for her but if i dont change i may lose her and thus find myself in a paradox.';
Ask yourself about your flaws, what are they? Apparently they are serious enough where you think that you are going to lose her if you don't change some of them. Which ones? Which do you think are the most serious? Work on those ones.
';she doesn't want me to change for her';
That can mean one of two things.
1.) That she likes you for who you are and your flaws are not a big enough concern for her to worry about them. If they were she would ask you to change in order to help out your relationship.
2.) She might think that you won't be able to change them enough for her. But this is something that if it is the case then what you need to do is have a sit-down with her and only talk about your ';flaws'; and what YOU would like to do about them. You said that if you don't change some of them then you stand the risk of losing her. I think that you need to tell her that. You also need to tell her how much you love her and that you want things to work out and that you need some of her help to have things work out. When you sit down with her don't her that you want to change just to stay with her, tell her that you see this as a problem with yourself and that you want to change things to make yourself a better person. (because if I read between the lines correctly then that is what you are saying anyways, right?)
This should keep things on an even keel more or less.I am haveing relationship problems, can i get some advice?
Don't change who you are, but if there are things you can change in regard to how you treat her, then look at those things and see if they need changed or not. If she is noticing your flaws it's either because she has intimacy issues and not sure if she wants to get close, so she's sabotaging the relationship, or she there is something she is unhappy about in regard to how she feels when she is with you - if it's something about how you act with her, then look at it, but if it's something that has nothing to do with her, then you have to look at what else is going on that could be upsetting her.
if she don't like you for you then its not worth it. you need to be with someone that likes you for you, not for someone else.
';*person* and i have been dating for almost a year and just recently she started to notice my flaws more often';
That is something that happens to everyone the longer that you are in a relationship, it isn't a problem it is just the fact that she is getting to know you better.
';she doesnt want me to change for her but if i dont change i may lose her and thus find myself in a paradox.';
Ask yourself about your flaws, what are they? Apparently they are serious enough where you think that you are going to lose her if you don't change some of them. Which ones? Which do you think are the most serious? Work on those ones.
';she doesn't want me to change for her';
That can mean one of two things.
1.) That she likes you for who you are and your flaws are not a big enough concern for her to worry about them. If they were she would ask you to change in order to help out your relationship.
2.) She might think that you won't be able to change them enough for her. But this is something that if it is the case then what you need to do is have a sit-down with her and only talk about your ';flaws'; and what YOU would like to do about them. You said that if you don't change some of them then you stand the risk of losing her. I think that you need to tell her that. You also need to tell her how much you love her and that you want things to work out and that you need some of her help to have things work out. When you sit down with her don't her that you want to change just to stay with her, tell her that you see this as a problem with yourself and that you want to change things to make yourself a better person. (because if I read between the lines correctly then that is what you are saying anyways, right?)
This should keep things on an even keel more or less.I am haveing relationship problems, can i get some advice?
Don't change who you are, but if there are things you can change in regard to how you treat her, then look at those things and see if they need changed or not. If she is noticing your flaws it's either because she has intimacy issues and not sure if she wants to get close, so she's sabotaging the relationship, or she there is something she is unhappy about in regard to how she feels when she is with you - if it's something about how you act with her, then look at it, but if it's something that has nothing to do with her, then you have to look at what else is going on that could be upsetting her.
if she don't like you for you then its not worth it. you need to be with someone that likes you for you, not for someone else.
Advice: Trying to work out a relationship that's on the rocks. ( Ladies please Help)?
Tonight, I will be taking my girlfriend to dinner at Ritz-Carlton in Half Moon Bay. Our relationship has been on the rocks for the past 2 months because of my irrational tendencies such as emotional violent out breaks. Basically name calling and also behavioral problems like breaking things when I am upset.
I do know that I have MAJOR problems and seeking help for this problem. I basically grew under a father who is physically violent and abusive towards me. But, now I am paying the price from the way that my father has raised me.
My girlfriend is very disgusted and hurt with me but still picks up my calls and replies to my text messages. I have never cheated on her and never lied. But, this problem is just over bearing at this point for both of us.
I am trying to win her back before I completely lose her. She knows I am trying my best. But my best (I feel) is not good enough.
I need advice pleaseAdvice: Trying to work out a relationship that's on the rocks. ( Ladies please Help)?
Ok... First don't worry about dinner being too boring. Serious and boring may be just what is in order right at the moment.
She obviously cares for you, or she would not still be calling.
I think you are at a point in your life where you are poised for a change. You acknowledge that you have a problem and you want to fix the problem. It will be hard, but as long as you are aware of how you are acting and tell yourself to calm down and behave the way that you want to, instead of behaving the way you have in the past.
You need to explain to her, that you think your actions are inappropriate and wrong. Tell her, that with or without her, you intent to make a change in yourself. Tell her that at the very least, that past history between you two has taught you how your behavior can cost you something so dear to you as your relationship. Explain to her that you are sincere, however that this will be a tough road, with old habits to break. Explain to her how important she is to you and that you would like her to help you on your journey to your improved self.
All you can do is be humble in light of your past actions. Take ownership and responsibility for your actions.
If she decides to remain in your life, remember how lucky you are for the second chance and work that much harder to be the person that you want to be.
Changing yourself is a tough road, and a lifelong commitment. You will need to tell yourself to calm down and behave the way you know you should for the rest of your life. The good news is, telling yourself to calm down, it's no big deal, will become second nature.
Good luck, and I congratulate you on realizing your own shortcomings and your willingness to work on them.Advice: Trying to work out a relationship that's on the rocks. ( Ladies please Help)?
You certainly have your plate full. The reason she is still with you is because she loves you. Your anger is defiantly a problem that could eventually cost you your relationship with this girl. To keep her you have to show her that you have changed. I can help you make this transformation on yahoo messenger if you'd like. What you are asking cannot be solved in a a simple answer. I've helped lots of guys just like you with issues just like yours. I'm offering a free session to new members. Trust me, I've been where you have and back.
Add me David_Sexton_PhD. I can Help.
David Sexton., Relationships Expert/Author
yeah that sounds good and all..but when a woman has had enough then there is nothing you can do..obviously she cares alot for you thats why she is still around..just be the best you take your time..apprecaite her more please also try your best to workon your problems
See, going out to dinner and wining and dining is nice, but after its all done and over with the problem is STILL going to be there. The best thing in the world that you can do for her to show her that you are sincere about changing is to get into counseling and also take some anger management classes.
take her out to dinner and tell her I love you so much and this is what i am willing to do to make sure that this works and that I am able to move forward.
its a hard habit to break too. Trust me I know, and it takes a lot of counseling and a serious commitment to not continuing the cycle of abuse. and it takes TIME.
you need to take care of you and love YOU before you can do that for anyone else.
See http://www.howtodealwithabreakup.com
The best thing you can do is to treat her very very well and never ever ever be cruel to her again. She still talks to you because she has a heart. You've found a treasure in a world full of trash. Please recognize that and treat her well.
You should look for medical/counseling help. Include your g/f so she understands the process and show your committed to her and changing your behavior.
Good Luck
The Ritz Carlton in Half Moon Bay is an amazing spot. There is a great walking path along the water that leads down to the beach... I have spent some good time down there reflecting with just me and the waves... How about keeping dinner a little light and then taking a walk and getting to some of the tough topics. Let her know you care and want to know how the relationship is affecting her. Ask her what she needs to get out of the relationship and make sure you can provide those things. If you can't, than maybe it's time to take a big step back until you can.
Good luck!
wow..maybe you should be in traeting..you are really scaring me ';cerealkiller';...the other day you said you went to someone's home and beat them up..Now this....
seriously..you need help before you do something that you can not take back..Good luck on your dinner
I had an abusive stepmother (hitting, slapping, pinching, verbal abuse on a daily basis) that I had to live with after my mother died when I was 3. She had everyone convinced that I was a terrible person and they believed her.
I DID NOT grow up to be abusive. I grew up scared of my own shadow and distrustful of others. None of my relationships worked out until I was ready to admit that I needed counseling to put the demons to rest that I was not responsible for my stepmother's actions.
You need to get out of your relationship and start working on yourself. Learn to respect and love yourself first. Because you can't be healthy for someone else until you are healthy for yourself.
I did and it was only through accepting myself was I truly able to accept others.
And you know what? When you're girlfriend sees that you are ready to work on yourself and your issues, she may even stick around to be there for you.
Good Luck!
I have to TOTALLY agree with Mandi85. Just recently I went throught the same thing with my partner (I was the abusive one). Since then we have started going to church and I have made a conscious effort to change my ways. I finally did win her back, but it has taken a lot of work on my part to prove myself to her. It will never end b/c I have to constantly keep myself in check and constantly work at our relationship. Just don't rush into anything and don't expect things to change over night. Good luck!
I do know that I have MAJOR problems and seeking help for this problem. I basically grew under a father who is physically violent and abusive towards me. But, now I am paying the price from the way that my father has raised me.
My girlfriend is very disgusted and hurt with me but still picks up my calls and replies to my text messages. I have never cheated on her and never lied. But, this problem is just over bearing at this point for both of us.
I am trying to win her back before I completely lose her. She knows I am trying my best. But my best (I feel) is not good enough.
I need advice pleaseAdvice: Trying to work out a relationship that's on the rocks. ( Ladies please Help)?
Ok... First don't worry about dinner being too boring. Serious and boring may be just what is in order right at the moment.
She obviously cares for you, or she would not still be calling.
I think you are at a point in your life where you are poised for a change. You acknowledge that you have a problem and you want to fix the problem. It will be hard, but as long as you are aware of how you are acting and tell yourself to calm down and behave the way that you want to, instead of behaving the way you have in the past.
You need to explain to her, that you think your actions are inappropriate and wrong. Tell her, that with or without her, you intent to make a change in yourself. Tell her that at the very least, that past history between you two has taught you how your behavior can cost you something so dear to you as your relationship. Explain to her that you are sincere, however that this will be a tough road, with old habits to break. Explain to her how important she is to you and that you would like her to help you on your journey to your improved self.
All you can do is be humble in light of your past actions. Take ownership and responsibility for your actions.
If she decides to remain in your life, remember how lucky you are for the second chance and work that much harder to be the person that you want to be.
Changing yourself is a tough road, and a lifelong commitment. You will need to tell yourself to calm down and behave the way you know you should for the rest of your life. The good news is, telling yourself to calm down, it's no big deal, will become second nature.
Good luck, and I congratulate you on realizing your own shortcomings and your willingness to work on them.Advice: Trying to work out a relationship that's on the rocks. ( Ladies please Help)?
You certainly have your plate full. The reason she is still with you is because she loves you. Your anger is defiantly a problem that could eventually cost you your relationship with this girl. To keep her you have to show her that you have changed. I can help you make this transformation on yahoo messenger if you'd like. What you are asking cannot be solved in a a simple answer. I've helped lots of guys just like you with issues just like yours. I'm offering a free session to new members. Trust me, I've been where you have and back.
Add me David_Sexton_PhD. I can Help.
David Sexton., Relationships Expert/Author
yeah that sounds good and all..but when a woman has had enough then there is nothing you can do..obviously she cares alot for you thats why she is still around..just be the best you take your time..apprecaite her more please also try your best to workon your problems
See, going out to dinner and wining and dining is nice, but after its all done and over with the problem is STILL going to be there. The best thing in the world that you can do for her to show her that you are sincere about changing is to get into counseling and also take some anger management classes.
take her out to dinner and tell her I love you so much and this is what i am willing to do to make sure that this works and that I am able to move forward.
its a hard habit to break too. Trust me I know, and it takes a lot of counseling and a serious commitment to not continuing the cycle of abuse. and it takes TIME.
you need to take care of you and love YOU before you can do that for anyone else.
See http://www.howtodealwithabreakup.com
The best thing you can do is to treat her very very well and never ever ever be cruel to her again. She still talks to you because she has a heart. You've found a treasure in a world full of trash. Please recognize that and treat her well.
You should look for medical/counseling help. Include your g/f so she understands the process and show your committed to her and changing your behavior.
Good Luck
The Ritz Carlton in Half Moon Bay is an amazing spot. There is a great walking path along the water that leads down to the beach... I have spent some good time down there reflecting with just me and the waves... How about keeping dinner a little light and then taking a walk and getting to some of the tough topics. Let her know you care and want to know how the relationship is affecting her. Ask her what she needs to get out of the relationship and make sure you can provide those things. If you can't, than maybe it's time to take a big step back until you can.
Good luck!
wow..maybe you should be in traeting..you are really scaring me ';cerealkiller';...the other day you said you went to someone's home and beat them up..Now this....
seriously..you need help before you do something that you can not take back..Good luck on your dinner
I had an abusive stepmother (hitting, slapping, pinching, verbal abuse on a daily basis) that I had to live with after my mother died when I was 3. She had everyone convinced that I was a terrible person and they believed her.
I DID NOT grow up to be abusive. I grew up scared of my own shadow and distrustful of others. None of my relationships worked out until I was ready to admit that I needed counseling to put the demons to rest that I was not responsible for my stepmother's actions.
You need to get out of your relationship and start working on yourself. Learn to respect and love yourself first. Because you can't be healthy for someone else until you are healthy for yourself.
I did and it was only through accepting myself was I truly able to accept others.
And you know what? When you're girlfriend sees that you are ready to work on yourself and your issues, she may even stick around to be there for you.
Good Luck!
I have to TOTALLY agree with Mandi85. Just recently I went throught the same thing with my partner (I was the abusive one). Since then we have started going to church and I have made a conscious effort to change my ways. I finally did win her back, but it has taken a lot of work on my part to prove myself to her. It will never end b/c I have to constantly keep myself in check and constantly work at our relationship. Just don't rush into anything and don't expect things to change over night. Good luck!
ADVICE PLEASE... Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
Guys,I need more feed back %26amp; your honest opinion on this.please read below -it's about my friend who is like a sis to me. Emotionally she is not doing well because of this realtionship issue %26amp; sadly she has this tendency of taking everyone's blame even when it's not her fault %26amp; beating herself up emotionally.I think she might've some real confidence issues here which she herself not aware of %26amp; I think she needs help.
My friend is a very kind,intelligent %26amp; very caring woman.She has been in love with this man for 2 years %26amp;He says he loves her too.she has always been there for him as a friend %26amp; lover showring him with constant love %26amp; care unconditionally.But it seems this man has some serious problems - practically he has never been there for her even as a FRIEND from DAY ONE when she needed him %26amp; has ZERO contribution to this relationship.All he had ever done has only to say he loves her very much. He would ask her to email him, to show her care for him %26amp; she does care for him a lot..ADVICE PLEASE... Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
Your friend is in a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP.... everything you described is emotional abuse... and she won't be able to get out of the relationship unless you help her see what he is doing... they can't get married because it won't stop... toxic people do not think they are in the wrong and always turn everything around to be the victims fault... your friend obviously will have hectic low esteem after years of this abuse... and needs to break off this relationship asap for her own mental well-being.... NO ONE deserves this type of treatment and its great that she has someone like you ooking out for her... its important to make her see (without alienating her) that he is not good for her... he is like a parasite sucking all the joy, love and confidence out of her... sit down and talk to her... tell her that you are saying these things as a friend and maybe if it feels ok show her this posting/question she can see that you're not the only one who thinks that her being with him is a bad idea... and maybe seeing all the things he does written down in 1 place will open her eyes... if she continues she will lose herself completely and that would be very sad to see... I was in a very mild version of this a few years ago and I saved myself from further emotional damage by cutting him out of my life... there are unfortuantely lots of TOXIC people out there and they can be quite subtle... even people who think they're strong can be sucked into their manipulations... I really hope that your friend can do this, and that you can be a good support to her!ADVICE PLEASE... Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
There are so many RED FLAGS. He has a definite attitude problem, anger problem, controlling people problem. He is not worth even one more second of her time! At All!! She needs to tell him to take a long walk off a short pier-or something. She may need to get a restraining order on him too. And, she needs to go to counseling, to figure out why she feels the way she does about this guy, and to improve her self-esteem. She needs a much better guy than this one. She needs a man-real one-the kind that will love and protect, and be there for her-be as equal in love and affection as possible for her. Take care.
When you believe that you are in love.... you get blinded.... it dont matter who tells you what about the guy that you are in 'love' with... I think she needs to stop wasting her time on this so call relationship that seems like it is only a one way relationship and find someone who will love her for her.... give her the time and day.... this 'relationship' is going to make her very bitter to the next guy BUT i truely believe if she gets out of it, it will be better in the long run..... Sounds like he is in controll of her right now... tell her to snap out of it before it is too late.... good luck and try your best to tell her your feelings....
Her issue: she is extremely co-dependent and that is almost impossible to change. She will only leave him when she's fed up with his garbage and that can take a LONG time. Nothing you can do there.
His issue: He is an incurable narcissistic user who likes having her in his pocket to take out and irritate and lecture and demand and verbally assualt, like someone did to him as a child. He is incurable and will never change because her personality won't demand it or leave him.
Tell her to read up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and passive aggressive behavior. It's a kick in the head and it's all true. Message boards are much better than clinical sites. She'll recognize him in the writings.
But don't pester her to leave him - she won't.
Aww...I think you're a very good and caring friend. Now about them, he is being ignorant and immature. It seems like he's using her. I don't think he loves her the way she loves him. And in a relationship, it's suppose to go both ways in order to work out. If he's doing certain things in front of her face, he doesn't respect her feelings. That's not right.
Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, for some people. Possibly he's jealous of you, even though you feel like a brother and sister, but he doesn't want to admit it.
She should leave him. Tell her to be strong. And realize what he is doing to her is not right and caring.....
Weird, no. Abusive, yes. Don't be fooled, your friend is currently in an abusive relationship. She needs to get this man out of her life before he drags her down too low to get back out. You need to act now. Do whatever it takes to make your friend see the light, take her to a counselling session and explain your fears to her so she can respond and learn how to be strong and independant from that jerk. What he's doing isn't love, it's emotional abuse and your friend needs your help.
Sounds like your friend is in a real mess... sorry to hear that.
I've seen this over and over through the years, mostly I think it is learned behavior, seen it in people close to her growing up, did it in earlier relationships, etc. In counseling I believe they call it ';the awkward dance';
Say you take two people, tell them to stand up, back to back, lock arms, and then dance... it would be really awkward but after a couple of years it wouldn't be. In fact it would be quite easy to do the '; awkward dance'; and even harder at this time to dance normal.
It would take effort on both their parts to learn to dance again and it doesn't sound like she has a willing partner.
Your friend needs counseling, if not together with her b/f, on her own or both.
Your friend should not let ANYONE own her emotions.
';Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option';
Another thing, the more you and everyone else tries to needle her into leaving, Rag on him, put him down the more she will stick up for him, pick him up, etc. and ultimately believe her own crap!
My friend is a very kind,intelligent %26amp; very caring woman.She has been in love with this man for 2 years %26amp;He says he loves her too.she has always been there for him as a friend %26amp; lover showring him with constant love %26amp; care unconditionally.But it seems this man has some serious problems - practically he has never been there for her even as a FRIEND from DAY ONE when she needed him %26amp; has ZERO contribution to this relationship.All he had ever done has only to say he loves her very much. He would ask her to email him, to show her care for him %26amp; she does care for him a lot..ADVICE PLEASE... Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
Your friend is in a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP.... everything you described is emotional abuse... and she won't be able to get out of the relationship unless you help her see what he is doing... they can't get married because it won't stop... toxic people do not think they are in the wrong and always turn everything around to be the victims fault... your friend obviously will have hectic low esteem after years of this abuse... and needs to break off this relationship asap for her own mental well-being.... NO ONE deserves this type of treatment and its great that she has someone like you ooking out for her... its important to make her see (without alienating her) that he is not good for her... he is like a parasite sucking all the joy, love and confidence out of her... sit down and talk to her... tell her that you are saying these things as a friend and maybe if it feels ok show her this posting/question she can see that you're not the only one who thinks that her being with him is a bad idea... and maybe seeing all the things he does written down in 1 place will open her eyes... if she continues she will lose herself completely and that would be very sad to see... I was in a very mild version of this a few years ago and I saved myself from further emotional damage by cutting him out of my life... there are unfortuantely lots of TOXIC people out there and they can be quite subtle... even people who think they're strong can be sucked into their manipulations... I really hope that your friend can do this, and that you can be a good support to her!ADVICE PLEASE... Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
There are so many RED FLAGS. He has a definite attitude problem, anger problem, controlling people problem. He is not worth even one more second of her time! At All!! She needs to tell him to take a long walk off a short pier-or something. She may need to get a restraining order on him too. And, she needs to go to counseling, to figure out why she feels the way she does about this guy, and to improve her self-esteem. She needs a much better guy than this one. She needs a man-real one-the kind that will love and protect, and be there for her-be as equal in love and affection as possible for her. Take care.
When you believe that you are in love.... you get blinded.... it dont matter who tells you what about the guy that you are in 'love' with... I think she needs to stop wasting her time on this so call relationship that seems like it is only a one way relationship and find someone who will love her for her.... give her the time and day.... this 'relationship' is going to make her very bitter to the next guy BUT i truely believe if she gets out of it, it will be better in the long run..... Sounds like he is in controll of her right now... tell her to snap out of it before it is too late.... good luck and try your best to tell her your feelings....
Her issue: she is extremely co-dependent and that is almost impossible to change. She will only leave him when she's fed up with his garbage and that can take a LONG time. Nothing you can do there.
His issue: He is an incurable narcissistic user who likes having her in his pocket to take out and irritate and lecture and demand and verbally assualt, like someone did to him as a child. He is incurable and will never change because her personality won't demand it or leave him.
Tell her to read up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and passive aggressive behavior. It's a kick in the head and it's all true. Message boards are much better than clinical sites. She'll recognize him in the writings.
But don't pester her to leave him - she won't.
Aww...I think you're a very good and caring friend. Now about them, he is being ignorant and immature. It seems like he's using her. I don't think he loves her the way she loves him. And in a relationship, it's suppose to go both ways in order to work out. If he's doing certain things in front of her face, he doesn't respect her feelings. That's not right.
Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, for some people. Possibly he's jealous of you, even though you feel like a brother and sister, but he doesn't want to admit it.
She should leave him. Tell her to be strong. And realize what he is doing to her is not right and caring.....
Weird, no. Abusive, yes. Don't be fooled, your friend is currently in an abusive relationship. She needs to get this man out of her life before he drags her down too low to get back out. You need to act now. Do whatever it takes to make your friend see the light, take her to a counselling session and explain your fears to her so she can respond and learn how to be strong and independant from that jerk. What he's doing isn't love, it's emotional abuse and your friend needs your help.
Sounds like your friend is in a real mess... sorry to hear that.
I've seen this over and over through the years, mostly I think it is learned behavior, seen it in people close to her growing up, did it in earlier relationships, etc. In counseling I believe they call it ';the awkward dance';
Say you take two people, tell them to stand up, back to back, lock arms, and then dance... it would be really awkward but after a couple of years it wouldn't be. In fact it would be quite easy to do the '; awkward dance'; and even harder at this time to dance normal.
It would take effort on both their parts to learn to dance again and it doesn't sound like she has a willing partner.
Your friend needs counseling, if not together with her b/f, on her own or both.
Your friend should not let ANYONE own her emotions.
';Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option';
Another thing, the more you and everyone else tries to needle her into leaving, Rag on him, put him down the more she will stick up for him, pick him up, etc. and ultimately believe her own crap!
Can anyone here on this Forum give me some advice about a long distant relationship ?
Hi there. My girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for about 1 year. We met online, yes. And have
not met just yet. But will this fall..... But the ride has been
anything that a person could dream about. Moments that
we share are priceless. But we have decided to start
seeing other people, until that time comes. Only for a little
while...... So what do you think ? Should we keep on going ?
She still contacts me every other day, after she said
she wanted a break. But she still loves me so much, and
I love her. Can you give me any advice about this relationship ? Thank you very much.Can anyone here on this Forum give me some advice about a long distant relationship ?
Yes, long distant relationship is really not an easy thing, it need both of you keep more strong trust to each other, and be honest and faithful to each other, Stick to each other...
Try to make a chance to meet each other in person will improve your relationship. Don't give up so early, online relationship is the same as real, just more difficult and with distant, the internet is just the place and way let you meet each other, but I believe there is also your fate to meet each other and fall in love with eachother too....
Love is no conditions, it comes from natural and it comes from your hearts attracted by each other.....
Try to understand each other and do more communications to make a plan to meet in person, let the love dream coming true asap!!
Good Luck!Can anyone here on this Forum give me some advice about a long distant relationship ?
Long distance relationships (LDRs) don't have a great track record. The inability to share life experiences and the shared bodily warmth that comes with physical proximity cannot be duplicated or even imagined.
A long time ago I was in love and facing the possibility of an LDR. I said no. I uprooted my life and moved to where she went to school. A little less than 5 years later, we got married. I knew no fear and love is and was the best motivator in the world.
Well since sex usually complicates things you might have a chance. Just be friends until you can actually get together. I personally can not do long-distance. I love to cuddle and be with the person I love. you are setting down the foundation for something that could be amazing.
Hello. I understand you didn't see her yet. Well, it's very easy to love someone from a distance, because you tend to get idealistic. The hard part is to get together for real.
On the other side, a man is worthless if he's no there when a woman needs him.
IMO, Long relationships just dont work, there has to be like an insurmountable amount of trust and honestly considering todays society, woman are more promiscuous than ever, be careful out there guy.
Generally long distance relationships are very difficult to have. Not being able to see the person face to face is rough in a relationship . Good luck
It could develop into a very rewarding, lifelong friendship.
How can you say it is LOVE if you didn't even met jet??? I think that's even more unrealistic than a long distant relationship that works fine.
I say either go to her or make a nice welcome place for her to come to. if you love her then you will not want her far from you at any time
Unless one of you move, there will not be a happy ending..................you might be the exception.........
What are you goals for this relationship? How much distance is between you two? Is either of you willing to move to be closer?
Online is a great way to meet people. I met my husband online 7 years ago. We met in person after 5 months of talking and then he moved to my city. Online relationships can be tricky though. Because people tend to put their best self forward in new relationships, it can be difficult to asses a persons true compatibility unless both are completely open, honest, and exposed - it is way more that just having an emotional connection.
There is a reason she wanted a break. Wait until you see each other this fall and then you both can determine where you want the relationship to go. It is very difficult to be in a relationship with someone that you have not actually met with in real life. When you do actually meet, being in a relationship with someone whom you don't see often can be a very stressful thing on the relationship.
Im going to be honest with you ok
if you really love each other then why would you give up on this relationship????
No matter what all relationships are difficult because you have to work on things and keep things going no matter how hard it gets.... I know what your talking about its really tricky sometimes because you cant see them and its not an easy relationship since your both far away I met this really nice guy on line and his in the army so his over in Iraq I haven鈥檛 met him yet but his coming home soon therefore were going on a date when he comes back but he acts more of a boyfriend then a friend but if I known that he loved me and if I known that I loved him then I would work something out and I wouldn鈥檛 want to be with anyone else then him 鈥 really think you should just met each other first!!!!! and see if you like her in person and then see if you want things to work out later on and then just go from there but until you met her and see her then just see how you feel then think ???about how you guys can be together and if its meant to be then it will work out just be positive!!!!! and just go slow ok sweetheart Im just being straightforward with you Good Luck and God Bless and I hope things work out for you!!! But if you love her don鈥檛 give up because you may regret it later on!!!!
i must admit, i had a similar experience, for about 5 months, i was talking to this guy, who id never met, he was just one of my friends friends who id got his contact from... anyway, we got on so well, words cant describe it... and we finally admitted out feelings for each other, it was so sweet and romantic, everything besides actually meeting up with them that is, and for reasons we werent able to meet up while we were 'together'...
if i we you i would try and stick at it if i were you.
my relationship with this guy went all wrong because his life went haywire, and he just couldnt cope, and he pushed every close to him away from him, especially me.... he finally came round, and decided to talk, but its never been the same... 4 months on, we only talk about once a week, and it was heart breaking for both of us... ill always wonder... what if?
so, if i were you, i would just try and do the right thing. if you think that seeing other people might break you appart, then dont do it. personally, i think if you both love each other enough, you will wait for each other...
hope it goes well :)
Wow, I met my husband on-line 9 years ago. I would never suggest seeing other people until which time you can be together. Is there any reason why you have to wait to see one another? My suggestion would be to arrange to meet sooner. I know how it is getting to know one another from afar, as long as you are both 100% honest with each other, the time you spend together actually works out to be greater than if you date in a traditional sense. I've been married to my husband for 8 years, and I consider us to still be newly weds. We are extremely happy, however once we were together we NEVER stopped communicating! Communication is the key, continuous and honest communication. Try to see her, or her see you. I believe that this little break could be her way of letting you down easily, or she may feel that she'll never get to see you so why not take the break! Find her, whisper you love her, and never let her go!
Good Luck
You are aware, of course that you have opened yourself up to ridicule in this forum. Don't let the negativity of those who've never experienced what you have with your girl taint you!
Also, if you love her, and she loves you, yes, go for it!oreal
not met just yet. But will this fall..... But the ride has been
anything that a person could dream about. Moments that
we share are priceless. But we have decided to start
seeing other people, until that time comes. Only for a little
while...... So what do you think ? Should we keep on going ?
She still contacts me every other day, after she said
she wanted a break. But she still loves me so much, and
I love her. Can you give me any advice about this relationship ? Thank you very much.Can anyone here on this Forum give me some advice about a long distant relationship ?
Yes, long distant relationship is really not an easy thing, it need both of you keep more strong trust to each other, and be honest and faithful to each other, Stick to each other...
Try to make a chance to meet each other in person will improve your relationship. Don't give up so early, online relationship is the same as real, just more difficult and with distant, the internet is just the place and way let you meet each other, but I believe there is also your fate to meet each other and fall in love with eachother too....
Love is no conditions, it comes from natural and it comes from your hearts attracted by each other.....
Try to understand each other and do more communications to make a plan to meet in person, let the love dream coming true asap!!
Good Luck!Can anyone here on this Forum give me some advice about a long distant relationship ?
Long distance relationships (LDRs) don't have a great track record. The inability to share life experiences and the shared bodily warmth that comes with physical proximity cannot be duplicated or even imagined.
A long time ago I was in love and facing the possibility of an LDR. I said no. I uprooted my life and moved to where she went to school. A little less than 5 years later, we got married. I knew no fear and love is and was the best motivator in the world.
Well since sex usually complicates things you might have a chance. Just be friends until you can actually get together. I personally can not do long-distance. I love to cuddle and be with the person I love. you are setting down the foundation for something that could be amazing.
Hello. I understand you didn't see her yet. Well, it's very easy to love someone from a distance, because you tend to get idealistic. The hard part is to get together for real.
On the other side, a man is worthless if he's no there when a woman needs him.
IMO, Long relationships just dont work, there has to be like an insurmountable amount of trust and honestly considering todays society, woman are more promiscuous than ever, be careful out there guy.
Generally long distance relationships are very difficult to have. Not being able to see the person face to face is rough in a relationship . Good luck
It could develop into a very rewarding, lifelong friendship.
How can you say it is LOVE if you didn't even met jet??? I think that's even more unrealistic than a long distant relationship that works fine.
I say either go to her or make a nice welcome place for her to come to. if you love her then you will not want her far from you at any time
Unless one of you move, there will not be a happy ending..................you might be the exception.........
What are you goals for this relationship? How much distance is between you two? Is either of you willing to move to be closer?
Online is a great way to meet people. I met my husband online 7 years ago. We met in person after 5 months of talking and then he moved to my city. Online relationships can be tricky though. Because people tend to put their best self forward in new relationships, it can be difficult to asses a persons true compatibility unless both are completely open, honest, and exposed - it is way more that just having an emotional connection.
There is a reason she wanted a break. Wait until you see each other this fall and then you both can determine where you want the relationship to go. It is very difficult to be in a relationship with someone that you have not actually met with in real life. When you do actually meet, being in a relationship with someone whom you don't see often can be a very stressful thing on the relationship.
Im going to be honest with you ok
if you really love each other then why would you give up on this relationship????
No matter what all relationships are difficult because you have to work on things and keep things going no matter how hard it gets.... I know what your talking about its really tricky sometimes because you cant see them and its not an easy relationship since your both far away I met this really nice guy on line and his in the army so his over in Iraq I haven鈥檛 met him yet but his coming home soon therefore were going on a date when he comes back but he acts more of a boyfriend then a friend but if I known that he loved me and if I known that I loved him then I would work something out and I wouldn鈥檛 want to be with anyone else then him 鈥 really think you should just met each other first!!!!! and see if you like her in person and then see if you want things to work out later on and then just go from there but until you met her and see her then just see how you feel then think ???about how you guys can be together and if its meant to be then it will work out just be positive!!!!! and just go slow ok sweetheart Im just being straightforward with you Good Luck and God Bless and I hope things work out for you!!! But if you love her don鈥檛 give up because you may regret it later on!!!!
i must admit, i had a similar experience, for about 5 months, i was talking to this guy, who id never met, he was just one of my friends friends who id got his contact from... anyway, we got on so well, words cant describe it... and we finally admitted out feelings for each other, it was so sweet and romantic, everything besides actually meeting up with them that is, and for reasons we werent able to meet up while we were 'together'...
if i we you i would try and stick at it if i were you.
my relationship with this guy went all wrong because his life went haywire, and he just couldnt cope, and he pushed every close to him away from him, especially me.... he finally came round, and decided to talk, but its never been the same... 4 months on, we only talk about once a week, and it was heart breaking for both of us... ill always wonder... what if?
so, if i were you, i would just try and do the right thing. if you think that seeing other people might break you appart, then dont do it. personally, i think if you both love each other enough, you will wait for each other...
hope it goes well :)
Wow, I met my husband on-line 9 years ago. I would never suggest seeing other people until which time you can be together. Is there any reason why you have to wait to see one another? My suggestion would be to arrange to meet sooner. I know how it is getting to know one another from afar, as long as you are both 100% honest with each other, the time you spend together actually works out to be greater than if you date in a traditional sense. I've been married to my husband for 8 years, and I consider us to still be newly weds. We are extremely happy, however once we were together we NEVER stopped communicating! Communication is the key, continuous and honest communication. Try to see her, or her see you. I believe that this little break could be her way of letting you down easily, or she may feel that she'll never get to see you so why not take the break! Find her, whisper you love her, and never let her go!
Good Luck
You are aware, of course that you have opened yourself up to ridicule in this forum. Don't let the negativity of those who've never experienced what you have with your girl taint you!
Also, if you love her, and she loves you, yes, go for it!
ADVICE PLEASE...Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
I've a friend-she very kind,intelligent %26amp; a very caring woman.She is vin love with this man for 2 years %26amp;He says he loves her too.she has always been there for him as a friend %26amp; lover showring him with constant love %26amp; care unconditionally.But it seems this man has some serious problems - practically he has never been there for her even as a FRIEND from DAY ONE when she needed him %26amp; has ZERO contribution to this relationship.All he had ever done has only to say he loves her very much. He would ask her to email him, show her care for him and she does care for him a lot but she still gets blamed %26amp; worse yet he never does the same for her not even when she was terribly ill not even dropping a few lines for mere courtesy. This man is EXTREMELY Arrogant and has an INCURABLE and IRRATIONAL Stubbornness.needless to say he is a control freak too.But he never admits or recognizes his own problems but blames my friend for everything.And it hurts.To make it even worst my friend found Him .....ADVICE PLEASE...Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
i wouldnt say its ';weird'; ..its actually quite common.. i have dated a guy like that before. she obviously fell in love with the person that he pretended to be in the beginning and he obviously has some issues within himself that he needs to resolve before being with anyone in a relationship. he is seeking attention online and blames everything on your friend to make himself feel better. the same happened with the ex i am referring to. he would always blame me for everything - whether i was right or wrong.. would get EXTREMELY jealous and angry when i would even acknowledge another guy's presence, but at the same time would do whatever he pleased. it is quite obvious that this guy is a self-centered jerk. the only thing that you can really do is let your friend know how you see things from the outside and talk to her and try to get her to tell you how she sees things from the inside. having experienced a similar situation, my guess is that she wont take your advice to break things off with him right away.. as i never listened to my friends either although they ended up being right in the end.. girls in these relationships have fallen for the person they first met when the relationship first began and was good.. that short period of time that he pretended to be someone that he truly isnt. let your friend know that there are PLENTY of guys who would LOVE to treat her like a princess and shower her with love and affection and carry their weight in the relationship. she shouldnt settle. she should cut her losses now before things get worse and she becomes even more attached. and once she leaves him if he somehow DOES really care about her, he will change and prove that to her and then she can make a clear-minded decision after seeing things from your point of view. then again she may find the love of her life before he has a chance to do so.. his loss, not hers.ADVICE PLEASE...Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
Your friend needs her confidence restored. I bet the only reason why she is with this man is because she feels she is not worthy of anyone better. Show her all that she has to offer and help empower her to gain the self worth to leave this man. It will only end badly and I don't think your friend should continue with someone that is controlling and manipulative.
no
You should really encourage your friend to get away from this clown before she gets hurt. This kind of controlling, one-sided relationship very often becomes physically violent when the dominant person doesn't get their way. Get her out of there!
the guy sounds like a jerk, your friend sounds like she's got insecurity issues and that's why she's putting up with his nonsense...being devoted doesn't just mean your faithful when in sight and on mind, it's the whole picture...if jerko gets upset when his gf is talking to another guy, that means he's insecure and he's getting uptight coz he's feeling threatened and will say : i'm being disrespected..well, hon, it works both ways!!! bling bling bling! either you stop putting expectations on someone else if you can't bide your end or let her do what you're doing..well in this case, i am referring to this guy...
if he's arrogant and a pompous ***, then he will be blamin others and playing the victim card...she's gotta get out while she can, he's doing her a favor: letting her go so she can move onto someone that will appreciate her and take care of her and love her!
Haha... I think you should intro her to me. I m still single for god sake. Anyway, this relationship ain't going far. As a guy myself, that fellow is a utterly disgrace to me. I strongly suggest that your gal friend stop seeing that ';boyfriend'; as in stopping each other forever. Even if bum into each other on the street, do not call him. Now let analys his mind, i dun think he is looking for a true relationship. He is just out for fun. And your friend is someone who in this case willingly to let him ';play';. That fellow practically dun love or like your friend. You know humans are like that when there is free one just take. asking your friend to email him etc maybe to show off to his other friends that he is very pop among others. This type of guy is no good...
I have got a friend, her husband and her husband's family is really bad, i listen to her story till i really drop tears.... i m serious..!!! Now they are seperated.. If i know her three yr ago.. i dun think she would even marry to this guy or even date with this guy. If you or your friend wan to hear her story email me.
All in all, your friend should really get over with this guy. Never contact him again.
nope
She picked him, and she stays with him.
Support her when she needs it. Its all you can do
I am sorry for your friend. He's a control freak. I am certain she is kind, but she is too pleasing which could lead me to believe she has self-confidence issues.
It is not an ok relationship but is common. As a friend, just boost her confidence, don't advise too much, and be a good ear to her when she needs you. She may get the picture that where she is, is not healthy for her.
I think both of you know the answer. This will never be a functional, loving relationship if SHE isn't comfortable with his behavior. It sounds like he doesn't respect her and they haven't set agreeable boundaries in their relationship.
Not to take sides, but she is allowing this behavior to continue %26amp; he's going to keep taking from her. He's found the Perfect girl for himself. He doesn't need to reciprocate the love she's yearning for and he never will. She needs to find someone who makes her happy and can respect her needs and desires. NOT someone who's going to suck her emotional well dry.
That's my take. Sorry if its blunt, but this relationship WILL NOT get better with marriage...by that time she'll be ';trained'; to do exactly what he wants and expect nothing in return.
yeah it sounds wierd, but you should mind your own business really, and worry about wat is going on in your own backyard.
yes, and she should dump him. there's gotta be someone out there who really cares for her. Someone who wants her to be happy. Someonelike...you.
she should leave him out in the cold.
what a moron, doing that to her.
yes, its weird.
her loving isnt bad, even arrogant jerks need to be loved.
but there is a point where you have to say..
am i going to stay here and get walked on?
continue to let my heart take a beating?
or am i going to find somebody who will love me in return?
if hes a control freak, the symptoms hes showing with your friend about not caring and not showing he loves her its an illness. not just being stubborn, his illness does not allow him. until he gets help he will not be able to show anyone his emotions. people like him are like that because of past experiences or traumas. help this person get professional help...try to make him see what he is doign without blaming him directly.
';[mans name] how awesome is it to have a girl like [your friends name]. she cares a lot you know. she even does [action] for you! what'd you do for her back?';- if you were to tell him this or put someone up to tell him eventually he will see what he is doing..and with professional help he can change.
GOOD LUCK!
definately not. The relationship will unfortunately probably end violntly and i hate to see that happen....
i wouldnt say its ';weird'; ..its actually quite common.. i have dated a guy like that before. she obviously fell in love with the person that he pretended to be in the beginning and he obviously has some issues within himself that he needs to resolve before being with anyone in a relationship. he is seeking attention online and blames everything on your friend to make himself feel better. the same happened with the ex i am referring to. he would always blame me for everything - whether i was right or wrong.. would get EXTREMELY jealous and angry when i would even acknowledge another guy's presence, but at the same time would do whatever he pleased. it is quite obvious that this guy is a self-centered jerk. the only thing that you can really do is let your friend know how you see things from the outside and talk to her and try to get her to tell you how she sees things from the inside. having experienced a similar situation, my guess is that she wont take your advice to break things off with him right away.. as i never listened to my friends either although they ended up being right in the end.. girls in these relationships have fallen for the person they first met when the relationship first began and was good.. that short period of time that he pretended to be someone that he truly isnt. let your friend know that there are PLENTY of guys who would LOVE to treat her like a princess and shower her with love and affection and carry their weight in the relationship. she shouldnt settle. she should cut her losses now before things get worse and she becomes even more attached. and once she leaves him if he somehow DOES really care about her, he will change and prove that to her and then she can make a clear-minded decision after seeing things from your point of view. then again she may find the love of her life before he has a chance to do so.. his loss, not hers.ADVICE PLEASE...Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
Your friend needs her confidence restored. I bet the only reason why she is with this man is because she feels she is not worthy of anyone better. Show her all that she has to offer and help empower her to gain the self worth to leave this man. It will only end badly and I don't think your friend should continue with someone that is controlling and manipulative.
no
You should really encourage your friend to get away from this clown before she gets hurt. This kind of controlling, one-sided relationship very often becomes physically violent when the dominant person doesn't get their way. Get her out of there!
the guy sounds like a jerk, your friend sounds like she's got insecurity issues and that's why she's putting up with his nonsense...being devoted doesn't just mean your faithful when in sight and on mind, it's the whole picture...if jerko gets upset when his gf is talking to another guy, that means he's insecure and he's getting uptight coz he's feeling threatened and will say : i'm being disrespected..well, hon, it works both ways!!! bling bling bling! either you stop putting expectations on someone else if you can't bide your end or let her do what you're doing..well in this case, i am referring to this guy...
if he's arrogant and a pompous ***, then he will be blamin others and playing the victim card...she's gotta get out while she can, he's doing her a favor: letting her go so she can move onto someone that will appreciate her and take care of her and love her!
Haha... I think you should intro her to me. I m still single for god sake. Anyway, this relationship ain't going far. As a guy myself, that fellow is a utterly disgrace to me. I strongly suggest that your gal friend stop seeing that ';boyfriend'; as in stopping each other forever. Even if bum into each other on the street, do not call him. Now let analys his mind, i dun think he is looking for a true relationship. He is just out for fun. And your friend is someone who in this case willingly to let him ';play';. That fellow practically dun love or like your friend. You know humans are like that when there is free one just take. asking your friend to email him etc maybe to show off to his other friends that he is very pop among others. This type of guy is no good...
I have got a friend, her husband and her husband's family is really bad, i listen to her story till i really drop tears.... i m serious..!!! Now they are seperated.. If i know her three yr ago.. i dun think she would even marry to this guy or even date with this guy. If you or your friend wan to hear her story email me.
All in all, your friend should really get over with this guy. Never contact him again.
nope
She picked him, and she stays with him.
Support her when she needs it. Its all you can do
I am sorry for your friend. He's a control freak. I am certain she is kind, but she is too pleasing which could lead me to believe she has self-confidence issues.
It is not an ok relationship but is common. As a friend, just boost her confidence, don't advise too much, and be a good ear to her when she needs you. She may get the picture that where she is, is not healthy for her.
I think both of you know the answer. This will never be a functional, loving relationship if SHE isn't comfortable with his behavior. It sounds like he doesn't respect her and they haven't set agreeable boundaries in their relationship.
Not to take sides, but she is allowing this behavior to continue %26amp; he's going to keep taking from her. He's found the Perfect girl for himself. He doesn't need to reciprocate the love she's yearning for and he never will. She needs to find someone who makes her happy and can respect her needs and desires. NOT someone who's going to suck her emotional well dry.
That's my take. Sorry if its blunt, but this relationship WILL NOT get better with marriage...by that time she'll be ';trained'; to do exactly what he wants and expect nothing in return.
yeah it sounds wierd, but you should mind your own business really, and worry about wat is going on in your own backyard.
yes, and she should dump him. there's gotta be someone out there who really cares for her. Someone who wants her to be happy. Someonelike...you.
she should leave him out in the cold.
what a moron, doing that to her.
yes, its weird.
her loving isnt bad, even arrogant jerks need to be loved.
but there is a point where you have to say..
am i going to stay here and get walked on?
continue to let my heart take a beating?
or am i going to find somebody who will love me in return?
if hes a control freak, the symptoms hes showing with your friend about not caring and not showing he loves her its an illness. not just being stubborn, his illness does not allow him. until he gets help he will not be able to show anyone his emotions. people like him are like that because of past experiences or traumas. help this person get professional help...try to make him see what he is doign without blaming him directly.
';[mans name] how awesome is it to have a girl like [your friends name]. she cares a lot you know. she even does [action] for you! what'd you do for her back?';- if you were to tell him this or put someone up to tell him eventually he will see what he is doing..and with professional help he can change.
GOOD LUCK!
definately not. The relationship will unfortunately probably end violntly and i hate to see that happen....
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