Make/break relationship !! ..SERIOUS HELP needed,sorry for the long-est question :( ..but SINCERE ADVICE, ASAP

Hi friends, need your help.


Serious help needed!


I am 21 years old, and was dating a 24 year old guy. We both are from Delhi (India), and have same religion (Sikh). We both started dating in September’07. Things were great till December’07; we both loved each other, deeply. We shared a very good, strong relationship %26amp; were physically involved too, but on mutual basis.


But then suddenly, around in December’07 I could feel that he had started avoiding me a little. He started avoiding my messages, would reply after three messages that I would send, would not take all my calls, would take the third or the fourth call, and would hung up saying, he’s been real busy with work. Initially I thought he might have been busy, but then later, it got on my nerves.


Then on my constant asking and pestering him, he told me that he wants to end all of this, he said he is not comfortable being in this relationship. I was totally moved by this saying. And then later, in a about a week’s time, when I kept on asking him, what made him take this decision; he told me that he could never marry me.


His family is totally anti-love marriage (reason being, one of his first cousin’s was recently murdered by his wife after six months of their love marriage), so because of this, the family is in a state of shock and would never accept love marriage again. He said he could feel, that both of us have been getting serious in this relationship, day by day, but he sees no future to it. So, to avoid hurting me in the end, he wanted to call it off.


He said he respects me, and hence did not wish to hurt me further, or fake anything and go around and date for the short run. He was sure, that he can not give me any commitment. Even tough he loved me to bitts, but going against his family for him, was something not possible. So, ending terms was the only way out. But then, he again left the situation on me, saying that though he wants to be with me, because he loves me, but he can’t give me commitment, so if I still want to continue with him, he is all ready. I though a little that time, and than concluded, that we can try, as it is, he is not getting married before 2010, so I thought, that things might change by then.


So, we got back to normal terms that time. Though, being normal was not all normal that time. He was usually upset and not comfortable. He always had a fear in mind, that we can never get married, and obviously we were forever moving on to a serious platform. So he was usually hesitant about it. But things were moving on like this, a little slow, but kind of okay-ish.


Then suddenly, one day something struck me, and I just messaged him saying, that did he always loved me and met me for lust! I asked him, if he was always lusting for me. And after a few hours, he simply replied back saying “yes, it was just that” ! I got totally pissed with it. I was dumbstruck. I could not believe it, and I replied back with a very sad and an ugly looking message. I broke terms with him, n abused him to the heights, (as in- abused in the message), I did not talk to him in person. But he did not say anything in return. He did not even try to give me any clarification, and nor did he abuse me back. He took it, as I said.


And then two days later, I just realized, that he might have accepted my doubt, because, that I ways I would break all terms with him and feel a little better, rather than he breaking terms with me. Because no guy on the face of earth would ever accept that he was only lusting at the girl, and secondly so easily. He made no move to prove himself right at that moment. I felt, probably I was wrong. Then to see how things were with me, he asked his best friend to give me a call and find out, (though, he himself did not make a call), and later, in 2-3 days, we got back to normal talking terms.


Yet again, we were again, but I knew he wasn’t so comfortable with the situations. He always remained upset. I too was way too upset. So, last week, I messaged him saying, that I leave everything on you today. I said, if you want to continue, let’s start all over again, but if you want to end terms so it be. I said I trust you and your decisions and whatever you say today would be my command. He replied back saying, that he respects me and my feelings, but as a matter of fact, he cannot give me long term commitment, he cannot go against his family. He said, if I still want to continue, he is still ready for it. Then I replied him back saying, that being with him is a gamble for me, and not for him, but I am ready to play this gamble all my life. I said I can try and wait all my life for your commitment because I know he loves me, but I said, you have to play it fair. I said, you cannot feel un-comfortable all the time, and cannot stay in the hiding. I said, it’s okay if u don’t give me commitment but at least don’t run away from it. I said, I can play the gamble, but if u think u can play it fair, then tell me. He then replied back saying, that lets leave it den. He cannot continue that ways, it was really awesome being with you and be in touch... And all that!


I cried and weeped after this, but then realized, this was probably our destiny. And I decided to not try to get in touch with him ever again. His relationship status on orkut suddenly changed to committed the immediate day after this. Previously, I also had deleted him from my orkut account (when that lusting issue happened), but , after all this I sent him a friends request again, saying that I am adding you only to retain an old friend, add me u wish to. For five days, neither did he add me or reject my approval. Just yesterday after five days, he rejected my friend’s approval (I know, he got online on orkut at least 25 times before that, I could see him replying other people). In the meanwhile, day before yesterday, he again made his best friend call me up, just to check out things at my end (of-course, the best friend did not say that he’s asked him to call, but I could make that out). Because, this guy never calls me otherwise, its always, when we fight or end up, this guy gives me a call just to check out things.


And then, yesterday in the evening, my boyfriend messaged me and asked me if I could catch him up, (I had just not kept in touch with him since Friday, I was totally out of touch, because he called me up on Friday and he was feeling really low that time, he said n asked me why do I send him such sarcastic messages, he said he feels really bad about them, so I promised him that time, that I would never do that ever again. So, I did not). So after his message, I said I could meet him up in half an hour’s time, so then later he said no, he doesn’t have time to wait. (He was actually outside my work-place and thought I would be there too, but I was at home, which he wasn’t aware of). Anyhow, we did not meet up.


Now, I don’t know what to do. I am in a state of dilemma. Don’t know, if I should let go him, or get in touch with him, and try to get him back. I know he loves me; he is doing all this because he loves me, but I don’t know what to do. I know he is not committed; he changed his status just to convey that message to me, so that I can abuse him and forget him. If he is not interested in me anymore, why did he make his friend call me up, to check out, how am I doing? Why did he message me yesterday? Or was he just playing around when he messaged? If he had to not accept my friends request on orkut, what took him five days to decide? He could have done it on the first day also. If he got committed immediately the next day of we calling it off, when I messaged him the first time, he could have told me that time also, that he has someone else, why did he give me another option to be with him?


Friends, you know the entire situation now, why do you think he’s behaving like this? Did he ever love me? Or was he always faking it? Does he still love me? Do u think, his love is worth waiting for? Shall I forget him and come over him? Or shall I wait for a while there, set him free? Or shall I keep on getting in touch with him? Shall I take his best friends help to find out what is happening? (Though I don’t know, if his friend would be loyal enough n not go back to my boyfriend and tell him, that I have been asking about him). What should I do? Did he ever love and cared for me? Does he still have anything for me? Why did he even message me yesterday? Shall I wait for him to message me yet again? Or shall I take an initiative this time to call/message him and ask him to catch up? Please friend, tell me what shall I do? This situation is realllly killing! Please guys, I need some serious help.


Thanks to all of u in advance, but please, give me serious answers.Make/break relationship !! ..SERIOUS HELP needed,sorry for the long-est question :( ..but SINCERE ADVICE, ASAP
Ok huge question but I think i got it.


There are two paths in this outcome. You can have a relationship that you know will amount to nothing. You say he has no commitment but he still loves you. He seems to have a bit of a commitment because he hasn't cheated on you and you both seem to be single at the moment. So on some level there is commitment. Thus the other road is a more smoother one. You can leave him, fall out of love for him and replace him with someone who would want to marry you. Unless you plan on never getting married you need to realize that even though he loves you he cannot be with you. There is no doubt in my mind that he loves you. But its what you are looking for thats in the best interest. Ask yourself this: would you want a relationship that would only last say 5 more years or during those 5 years fall in love again, get married and start a family? Tell him straight out: I still love you but if you cannot commit to me as a wife then I will build a wall around my heart and look for someone to knock it down. (remember this is just my advice) Or you can do the whole get him jealous thing and make him want you more and more by finding another man better then him in a few different ways. But it all ends with him not being able to commit to you. It is your choice. Good luck.Make/break relationship !! ..SERIOUS HELP needed,sorry for the long-est question :( ..but SINCERE ADVICE, ASAP
I am not familiar with your culture and the marriage/love thing, but what I do know is that if you truly love someone, then you would do anything for them and want to be with them regardless of any other situation.


I would say that he probably thought that things were getting too serious (you're both very young still) and isn't ready for commitment. . . something that seems to happen with many, many guys, regardless of ethnicity or culture.


Take the opportunity to date others and find out what is truly important to you in a relationship; pick out the good traits and weed out the bad.
Hmmm...it sounds like he is unsure a little himself. I think the whole thing with his family not wanting him to get married is a bunch of bullsh*t. I understand that his family is upset but i dont think that would make him mad at you. Maybe he felt like you were smothering him by calling him alot. I know you probably wanted to talk to him alot because you love him and everything, but guys sometimes get scared by feeling smothered. Did you guys talk about marriage or was he the one to bring up the subject. If you guys talked about it maybe he thought about it and realized you guys were moving to fast or getting to serious. I am not sayin you did anything wrong i am just sayin that maybe he felt like you are making him take the relationship to the next step when he is not ready. I think you should not call him for a couple of days to a week ( he will notice you are not calling) and then call or text him how you feel. If he doesnt respond or call back then he is either annoyed by everything or very confused. Just be patient if he loves you he will come back!!
What you need to do is to live your life. He has already told you numerious times that he is not willing to commit to you, but also want's his cake and eat it too.....he wants to make sure that he can feel like he come and be with you any time he wants to, but is free to leave when ever he feels like it, that if someone ';better'; comes along he is free to pursue her, and that he will never be the bad guy cause you are the one that knew he was not willing to commit to you......etc.


First, you need to stop believing that the relationship will eventually go somewhere.......it won't. It will only cause you more pain.


Second, you need to be able to end the relationship. If you still want to keep a ';Friendship'; with him, then make sure it is only a email one, so you won't physically get yourself in trouble, and also so you are not letting yourself be fooled anymore with his sweet talk and your emotions.


Third, you need to give yourself time to heal over the relationship. You have emotionally invested allot into this relationship, and are hurting from his lack of wanting to pursue the relationship.


Fourth, you need to find someone that is truely worth what you have to offer, that is willing to love and commit to you and your relationship.....and that will love and value you, not just lust after you when it is convient for him.


I know it is hard to face it, and to move on, but you will be better and stronger for it.......good luck.
honestly i think u shuld let him go. if he is not ready for commitment and u r then u deserve to find wat u want. it seems like he did love u and still does. otherwise he wuldnt constantly be tryn to keep in touch wit u and always askin about u. he is confused. he doesnt kno wat to do becuz he doesnt want to go against his family yet he wants to b wit u but doesnt want to hurt u by not givin u commitment. i think u two shud end it and remain good friends and maybe if he decides one day that he can commit to u regardless of wat his family thinks then u 2 could get back on those terms if u havent already met sum1. but no u shudnt wait for him anymore. u have waited long enough. sumtimes u have to forget wat u feel and rememba wat u deserve.
it was long, but here is my answer





I think he obviously loves you, but it sounds like his family is keeping him from being in a commitment with you because they dont want you to get hurt or him. he needs to sit down with his family and tell them that he really loves you or it will be like this forever.





this sounds like Romeo and juliet btw
hi sweetie,


first up, this is the LONGEST question i've encountered here ,


it shows how much you love him . .am sorry to hear ur heartbroken . .





now, am not really sure but i think he has been cheating on you , , so sorry to tell u this but this is what i feel from a guys point of view , ,


guys act like this when they feel guilty or threatened . .


i wish u guys had mentioned ur age so i could have come to a conclusion on how matured u guys are . .


but listen, u should be knowing the depth of ur relationship , ,


all i wanna say is, there's a good chance that this guy was lusting for you 'cos at one point of time he admitted it,thinking that ur cool with it but when u got pissed off at him he realised u were just guessing %26amp; that he made a mistake by making such a blunt admission . .





then he got concerned whether u would would do something drastic n made his friend call u up to ensure u were alrite, 'cos he's been with u for a year so he's gotta be a bit responsible n ensure ur safety n well being . .


my number is 09387385783 , ,





let me know how things shape out . .


also , dont do anything stupid 'cos there are a lot of people out there who care for ur well being , ,


on the other hand, maybe whatever he's saying is true, , maybe he has some issues with his family . .ur in a better position than anyone to gauge it out for urself , ,





so peace out babe, everything happens for the best , ,





you'll be fine , ,


stay safe, ,


good luck ! !
I think you should leave this man alone. If he loved you, he would have married you. Love is stronger than pride. Love supercedes everything and conquers all.





Find someone that truly loves you and move on. Don't ever let a man use you again.
this really is long.
Sweet heart, you are definitely over thinking this! You are young! you should be enjoying life at your age, you only get one chance at it! Enjoy your girl friends. You live in America I presume! If that is the truth, you are American. I understand about the family stuff. My family did it to me... I had to be with an Italian, Catholic, etc...


This is not serious, but I know it is to you right now.


Look, I presume you are in college, enjoy college, they will be the best years of your life. Don't go through them unwillingly.


Enjoy life! Please.


Life is so simple...


If this happens, then that happens! At the end of the day, it really isn't much more than that.


Keep it simple honey! Keep it light, if things get heated, go with your ethics... If you want, protect yourself.


Play it smart, but be in control.


Best wishes to you,


Nrocco