ADVICE PLEASE... Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???

Guys,I need more feed back %26amp; your honest opinion on this.please read below -it's about my friend who is like a sis to me. Emotionally she is not doing well because of this realtionship issue %26amp; sadly she has this tendency of taking everyone's blame even when it's not her fault %26amp; beating herself up emotionally.I think she might've some real confidence issues here which she herself not aware of %26amp; I think she needs help.





My friend is a very kind,intelligent %26amp; very caring woman.She has been in love with this man for 2 years %26amp;He says he loves her too.she has always been there for him as a friend %26amp; lover showring him with constant love %26amp; care unconditionally.But it seems this man has some serious problems - practically he has never been there for her even as a FRIEND from DAY ONE when she needed him %26amp; has ZERO contribution to this relationship.All he had ever done has only to say he loves her very much. He would ask her to email him, to show her care for him %26amp; she does care for him a lot..ADVICE PLEASE... Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
Your friend is in a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP.... everything you described is emotional abuse... and she won't be able to get out of the relationship unless you help her see what he is doing... they can't get married because it won't stop... toxic people do not think they are in the wrong and always turn everything around to be the victims fault... your friend obviously will have hectic low esteem after years of this abuse... and needs to break off this relationship asap for her own mental well-being.... NO ONE deserves this type of treatment and its great that she has someone like you ooking out for her... its important to make her see (without alienating her) that he is not good for her... he is like a parasite sucking all the joy, love and confidence out of her... sit down and talk to her... tell her that you are saying these things as a friend and maybe if it feels ok show her this posting/question she can see that you're not the only one who thinks that her being with him is a bad idea... and maybe seeing all the things he does written down in 1 place will open her eyes... if she continues she will lose herself completely and that would be very sad to see... I was in a very mild version of this a few years ago and I saved myself from further emotional damage by cutting him out of my life... there are unfortuantely lots of TOXIC people out there and they can be quite subtle... even people who think they're strong can be sucked into their manipulations... I really hope that your friend can do this, and that you can be a good support to her!ADVICE PLEASE... Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
There are so many RED FLAGS. He has a definite attitude problem, anger problem, controlling people problem. He is not worth even one more second of her time! At All!! She needs to tell him to take a long walk off a short pier-or something. She may need to get a restraining order on him too. And, she needs to go to counseling, to figure out why she feels the way she does about this guy, and to improve her self-esteem. She needs a much better guy than this one. She needs a man-real one-the kind that will love and protect, and be there for her-be as equal in love and affection as possible for her. Take care.
When you believe that you are in love.... you get blinded.... it dont matter who tells you what about the guy that you are in 'love' with... I think she needs to stop wasting her time on this so call relationship that seems like it is only a one way relationship and find someone who will love her for her.... give her the time and day.... this 'relationship' is going to make her very bitter to the next guy BUT i truely believe if she gets out of it, it will be better in the long run..... Sounds like he is in controll of her right now... tell her to snap out of it before it is too late.... good luck and try your best to tell her your feelings....
Her issue: she is extremely co-dependent and that is almost impossible to change. She will only leave him when she's fed up with his garbage and that can take a LONG time. Nothing you can do there.





His issue: He is an incurable narcissistic user who likes having her in his pocket to take out and irritate and lecture and demand and verbally assualt, like someone did to him as a child. He is incurable and will never change because her personality won't demand it or leave him.





Tell her to read up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and passive aggressive behavior. It's a kick in the head and it's all true. Message boards are much better than clinical sites. She'll recognize him in the writings.





But don't pester her to leave him - she won't.
Aww...I think you're a very good and caring friend. Now about them, he is being ignorant and immature. It seems like he's using her. I don't think he loves her the way she loves him. And in a relationship, it's suppose to go both ways in order to work out. If he's doing certain things in front of her face, he doesn't respect her feelings. That's not right.


Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, for some people. Possibly he's jealous of you, even though you feel like a brother and sister, but he doesn't want to admit it.


She should leave him. Tell her to be strong. And realize what he is doing to her is not right and caring.....
Weird, no. Abusive, yes. Don't be fooled, your friend is currently in an abusive relationship. She needs to get this man out of her life before he drags her down too low to get back out. You need to act now. Do whatever it takes to make your friend see the light, take her to a counselling session and explain your fears to her so she can respond and learn how to be strong and independant from that jerk. What he's doing isn't love, it's emotional abuse and your friend needs your help.
Sounds like your friend is in a real mess... sorry to hear that.





I've seen this over and over through the years, mostly I think it is learned behavior, seen it in people close to her growing up, did it in earlier relationships, etc. In counseling I believe they call it ';the awkward dance';





Say you take two people, tell them to stand up, back to back, lock arms, and then dance... it would be really awkward but after a couple of years it wouldn't be. In fact it would be quite easy to do the '; awkward dance'; and even harder at this time to dance normal.





It would take effort on both their parts to learn to dance again and it doesn't sound like she has a willing partner.





Your friend needs counseling, if not together with her b/f, on her own or both.





Your friend should not let ANYONE own her emotions.





';Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option';


Another thing, the more you and everyone else tries to needle her into leaving, Rag on him, put him down the more she will stick up for him, pick him up, etc. and ultimately believe her own crap!