Relationship problem, can anyone listen and give some much needed advice?

i am so confused. i used to really like this guy at uni last year and we were really close, however we fell out big style and it ended with a stupid incident in which i ended up with a knife to my throat. recently we've started becomming close again and i feel like im maybe im starting to fall for him. he's been saying stuff to me all week such as 'if im lucky i'll end up with someone half as decent as you, or if im really lucky maybe i could be with you' and 'i'd have you, i want to make sure no1 else could hurt you' . but we're so close and like best friends i didnt want to confuse everything by what we have becomming sexual which is where i think we went wrong last year. there was one incident in particular where i gave him a handjob and he said ' you didnt make me *** i know no we were never meant to be together' and that really hurt.





anyway, he'd been pushing for it all week and last night we did end up getting far too involved and i gave him a b l o w job. in all fairness im not the greatest at these things, i havnt got a penis at the end of the day so im not 100% sure what feels good and i've never had a guy stick around long enough to really be able to talk to them and find out. anyway, it wasnt very sucessful and when we were going to sleep he was like 'i hope you dont think i've been leading you on, i dont want you to think theres more between us then there probobley is' has he been leading me on...???? as much as i love him im afraid i do feel he has a little bit with the stuff he's been saying all week, and now its like, because of how crap last night was, he's wanting to cover his back or something.





now im really upset because we always said that whatever happened we wouldnt let it come between our friendship, but now i feel so used and embarassed that i think in a way it has. i'd been saying 'no' all week, but he just kept on pushing and now look where we've ended up. i've been staying with him all this week and tonight i was determind to stay away, however i've just had a phonecall from my dad telling me my only grandparent is dying. all i want to do is find this guy, my best friend after all, and i want him to be there for me, i really need a cuddle. but because of last night i feel i cant. im so alone and its like my world is falling apart.





theres no1 left for me to trust, no1 to look after me. i dont even feel as though i have any genuine friends, was this one only after sex? what shall i do, stay away?





please help Relationship problem, can anyone listen and give some much needed advice?
You are really setting yourself up to be hurt big time. You've already answered your own question, but still contemplating to be with someone who put a knife to your throat, someone you know you weren't meant for. Stop settling, before this guy have you turning tricks at his every command.





If your only grandparent is dying, forget cuddling. Get yourself a good cry out, then after that, look after your own self instead of turning tricks in hopes of someone to look after you. Follow your heart, obviously it's not with him.