I live with my big sister who is 24 and married. I am 16. Our whole lives we have been toghether going from foster home to foster home. When finnaly we were adopted by this nice family. Then my sister met this guy. They went out for 4 years and got married. They have been married for two years. One night I was doing homework when I heard arguing downstairs. I ignored it, but then I heard a loud and scary scream! Thats when I ran to the stairs and saw something awful. My sister on the floor crying with bruises all over her arms and face. THats when I saw him come over to her and kick her! Then he looked up towards the stairs and I ran into my room. The last time I saw her being abused was in the kitchen. She was throwing pots and pans at him because he slapped he. Then he started to go for then she tried to climb the counters but he grabbed her and threw her against the wall and started to hit her!
Story continues:My sister is in an intense abusive relationship. I am starting to get worried about her safety. Advice?
Your sister isn't thinking straight. Tell your folks. Let her know you have. Also tell her next time her husband does that, you are calling the police. See if you and your folks can convince her to leave him. He is dangerous. Women have been killed by men who are abusers.
Spousal abuse never gets better. The abuser apologizes and acts nice for awhile, then blows up over some insignificant thing. She needs to get away from him. There are women's shelters that will take her in, but you will probably have to go back with your folks.
Please, you must do this to keep both of you safe. Additionally, she needs a complete physical check up. He could have done internal damage to her.My sister is in an intense abusive relationship. I am starting to get worried about her safety. Advice?
1 word. cops
let her get mad at you! she will get over being mad once all the pain and bruises are gone. It would be better than to have her mad after something has happen and wish that you had done something. Don't allow for you to be unable to live with yourself for the rest of your life if something does happen to her and you didn't get her to safety.
If you are concerned, and this has happened more than once, CALL THE COPS!! No one deserves to be abused,. NO ONE!!
He will never change and it will only get worse. You need to get out and so does she. She is a fool for staying with him.
Pass this information on to her. I hope she is smart enough to get out now:
Are you in an abusive relationship?
By Ginny Lund, M.A., L.P., C.E.A.P.
Women often are the victims of domestic violence and other forms of abuse. But, they're not the only ones at risk. Every year in the United States, more than 800,000 men are physically or sexually assaulted by a male or female intimate partner. And, when it happens, men can feel guilt, shame or anger, just as women do.
Beyond arguing
Most relationships go through tough times occasionally, resulting in arguments and tension. But, abuse is different. It's a pattern of one person using fear and intimidation to gain power and control over another. Abuse isn't always physical 鈥?it can include emotional, psychological or economic tactics, as well.
You may be in an abusive relationship if your partner:
Yells, screams or swears at you
Continually criticizes you or embarrasses you with put-downs
Monitors where you go and whom you call
Controls the finances and makes you ask permission to do things
Deprives you of food, transportation or access to health care
Tries to isolate you from family or friends
Throws objects, kicks doors, punches walls or damages your property
Shoves, slaps, bites or hits you
Accuses you of cheating or is jealous often
Manipulates you into unwanted sexual acts or ignores your feelings about sex
Sabotages your job or schoolwork
Threatens to kill you or to commit suicide
It's OK to ask for help
If you've been living with abuse, you may find yourself doubting your own judgment. Men who are abused may not seek help because they're embarrassed or afraid no one will believe them. Or, they may just hope things will get better.
But, abuse often gets worse over time. It can cause chronic health problems, such as post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and headaches. It also can lead to injury or death. Children who witness abuse may develop health and behavioral problems, too.
If you feel threatened by your partner, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for help or visit www.ndvh.org.
I'm really very sorry. Your sister is in a situation which many women (and some men) suffer.. and they always believe it when the spouse says it will never happen again.. does your brother in law drink too?
Your sister needs HELP... and so does her husband.
I dont' know what else to tell you except to call the police next time he abuses her... i dont know if it would help her or not?
And i'm sorry your parents are turning a blind eye to it...
sending hugs your way.
im story to hear that but i think you should do the right thing and call the cops on him the next time it happends
You can't do nothing for her... it's up to her to be safe... being in a situation like that it's tough... like you said she's scared and sees no hope... I will advice you to find out about shelters in your area... have a phone always on hand... keep your documents in a backpack ready for any emergency... maybe have a ';secret'; signal with a neighbor.. like flicking the porch light or opening and closing drapes...
This is a matter of life and death... maybe once your sister sees there is help available she will get the courage to leave that horrible relationship.
Check this website... it may be of help if you are not in the area they can help you find one in your city or state.
humanoptions.org
i would tell your parents anyway. i have a sister also and i know it seems like your stabbing her in the back but its the best thing to do. you should also talk to her alot tell her that she deserves better and that she is worth much more. try to open her eyes because this guy has her so freaked out she thinks she needs him and she probably thinks he loves her and will change. dont stay quiet your sister could end up hurt or worse dead. good luck.
Get it Video Tape. In due time this will waork has evidance of brutality.
Get you sister out of this. Get a Lawer
Your sister definitely needs to get out of that relationship. The next time this happens, call the police, when they arrive you can tell them everything that you have witnessed. Regardless, he will be taken away. Now whether or not he stays away is up to your sister. And no matter what she says, please for her sake and yours tell your parents, they deserve to know what kind of man she is with, and maybe they could help. Best of luck, and don't ever be scared of a man, they bleed just like we do. Another way, you could intervene but you need to be aware of consequences with this abusive jerk, is when they fight next time, go in and give him a piece of your mind, tell him exactly what you think of him and if he goes after you, then you still call the police, and YOU can press charges and theres not a thing your sister can do about it.
PLEASE READ THIS AND ACT QUICKLY.
You made a step in the right direction by posing this question in a public forum. You are trying to do the right thing. Your heart is pulling you two different directions..... both out of love. Your past has you very loyal to your sister, and you want to honor her request. But your present has you very protective of your sister (and yourself, survival instinct). In your gut you KNOW you can't keep quiet about this. It only gets worse. It will NOT get better. The longer she stays, the harder it will be for her to emotionally recover, let alone the physical damage.
Your big sister has some self-esteem and pride issues that are stopping her from doing the right thing for herself and for you. She wants to believe she can handle the situation and it will get better. She's in denial. If she's been with this guy for years, then he's had plenty of time to do quite a number on her confidence and emotional well-being. Her emotions are overriding her common sense. If you are the only other person who sees the entire picture for what it is, YOU WILL NEED TO BE STRONG AND MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION FOR HER. Unlike some advice I saw earlier, I would NOT advise waiting until the next time and calling the police. Your sister is not even ready to admit the whole truth to herself or family, much less authorities, and this could backfire. You need to arm yourself with information, have a plan in place, and then GO TO YOUR ADOPTIVE FAMILY with what you've seen and learned, and ask for help. Call a local battered women's shelter (often found near the front of phone books under local hotlines and info.). If you can't find a listing for this, you can call the non-emergency number for your local police or sheriff's dept. and ask for the number. Someone at a local shelter can answer questions and give you solid advice based on experience/training, and possibly give you local options for your sister. Also google ';domestic violence'; for your local area. Armed with information, GO TO YOUR FAMILY OR A GUIDANCE COUNSELOR. Do not procrastinate or wait til ';the next time';. I've volunteered for women's shelters, and sometimes ';the next time'; is more than you bargained for. Get yourself out of that situation even if (at first) your sister refuses to get herself out. No exceptions to this. If your sister stays , keep trying different things (check out the psychology section at your local library and give your sister self-help books on helpful subjects, print out things you can find on the internet that might sway her, etc.) Be sure and tell your sister there is nothing for her to be embarrassed about instead of adding to her feelings of insecurity, remind her of her strengths and how much you value her because an abusive man will strip her of these things.
God speed, good luck, and I hope and pray many blessings for both of you in the future.
Miss Monica
Friday, January 8, 2010
Relationship not so good and I'm really upset! Someone give me advice please!?
I have been with this guy for 4 years and lately we fight about everything. It's insane but somehow we always end up still together. I feel like I do not know if I want to be with him but if I think about not being with him, I couldn't imagine it. I really do love him but I think I put up with to much. He calls me names a lot and whatever but I need some help boosting my self-esteem so I can stop putting up with this. I feel super sad when we are not together or if were in a fight and I do not talk to him for a while. He always tells me he would never want us to break up but I am so confused. Can anyone give me good advice...and if your gonna write something stupid, save your time. Thank you.Relationship not so good and I'm really upset! Someone give me advice please!?
GET THE BOOK STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS!!!
It's for people who care about someone with Borderline personality disorder, but it's VERY HELPFUL for setting healthy boundaries, stopping verbal abuse, and generlly getting your self-esteem back and gaining perspective on your life.
BUT!!! TAKE CARE!!! Your health and what's best for you may be to be OUT of the relationship... you cannot change another, no matter how much you love.
The book has given some other people some hope that, through healthy boundaries and better communication on their part, that they can make the realtionship more bearable...
I am no avid reader, I read it in a day.
-------------
My GF had a 10 yr old. I wish I read this book 6 mos ago. My realtionship with her just ended and I couldn't be sadder. I loved that little guy.Relationship not so good and I'm really upset! Someone give me advice please!?
I think you guys love each other and are willing to work this out. But you'll to work it together, cuz right now you are getting use to be in this love hate relationship , that in the end will end up hurting both of you and eventually break you up.
I'll say talk it over or search counseling in order for you to control this stuff before it controls you.
Good Luck and you can make it!
tell him you are tired of how he treats you and not talk to him for maybe a week? and then call him back sometime and he might realize how much you REALLY mean to him and that if he wants to keep you then he needs to stop...
He doesn't respect you if he calls you names. If you fight all the time, move on. Don't get stuck in a relation that will end in a violent way.
I really think you should confront him. Not a fight, but try to be gentle. See how he reacts. You say you love him, so you should be able to get through to him that he's hurting your feelings.
im goin through the same situation...if u get any good advice..then do let me know..i wish i cuda helped...i know what youre goin thru..
my dear, many people might tell u that u should get out of this relationship cuz in other people's eyes thats the best solution....but plz dont listen to them.
we both experience the same thing....i have been with my guy for 4 years arguing n doing exactly what u do with yours.....once i walked away from this relationship n ended up with another guy who showed me that i shared a strong connection with my fighter guy. this guy once mentioned to me that the more u fight the more love blooms. i just had to leave this guy n go back to my old love...now we still fight, but there is always some love attached to it....we come out stronger. and the sentimental talks after kissing and making up always make us more alive!
hmm, remember too much sweetness gets bitter after some time, but a mixture of sweetnes, sourness, bitterness and heat always creates excitement and the urge to keep on tasting them again and again. i hope you understand what i am trying to say here.
My advice to you is to take a break, volunteer helping dogs or little kids and see how much better you feel. Volunteer at a school, animal shelter, vet, for Habitiat for Humanity... anything where you're helping people. You'll feel a lot better, it will help you clear your mind to think about it seriously and after a couple of weeks, I think you'll probably start to feel more empowered and strong enough to either demand better from him or leave. I wish you well and I think you can do it, girl! Good luck!
GET THE BOOK STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS!!!
It's for people who care about someone with Borderline personality disorder, but it's VERY HELPFUL for setting healthy boundaries, stopping verbal abuse, and generlly getting your self-esteem back and gaining perspective on your life.
BUT!!! TAKE CARE!!! Your health and what's best for you may be to be OUT of the relationship... you cannot change another, no matter how much you love.
The book has given some other people some hope that, through healthy boundaries and better communication on their part, that they can make the realtionship more bearable...
I am no avid reader, I read it in a day.
-------------
My GF had a 10 yr old. I wish I read this book 6 mos ago. My realtionship with her just ended and I couldn't be sadder. I loved that little guy.Relationship not so good and I'm really upset! Someone give me advice please!?
I think you guys love each other and are willing to work this out. But you'll to work it together, cuz right now you are getting use to be in this love hate relationship , that in the end will end up hurting both of you and eventually break you up.
I'll say talk it over or search counseling in order for you to control this stuff before it controls you.
Good Luck and you can make it!
tell him you are tired of how he treats you and not talk to him for maybe a week? and then call him back sometime and he might realize how much you REALLY mean to him and that if he wants to keep you then he needs to stop...
He doesn't respect you if he calls you names. If you fight all the time, move on. Don't get stuck in a relation that will end in a violent way.
I really think you should confront him. Not a fight, but try to be gentle. See how he reacts. You say you love him, so you should be able to get through to him that he's hurting your feelings.
im goin through the same situation...if u get any good advice..then do let me know..i wish i cuda helped...i know what youre goin thru..
my dear, many people might tell u that u should get out of this relationship cuz in other people's eyes thats the best solution....but plz dont listen to them.
we both experience the same thing....i have been with my guy for 4 years arguing n doing exactly what u do with yours.....once i walked away from this relationship n ended up with another guy who showed me that i shared a strong connection with my fighter guy. this guy once mentioned to me that the more u fight the more love blooms. i just had to leave this guy n go back to my old love...now we still fight, but there is always some love attached to it....we come out stronger. and the sentimental talks after kissing and making up always make us more alive!
hmm, remember too much sweetness gets bitter after some time, but a mixture of sweetnes, sourness, bitterness and heat always creates excitement and the urge to keep on tasting them again and again. i hope you understand what i am trying to say here.
My advice to you is to take a break, volunteer helping dogs or little kids and see how much better you feel. Volunteer at a school, animal shelter, vet, for Habitiat for Humanity... anything where you're helping people. You'll feel a lot better, it will help you clear your mind to think about it seriously and after a couple of weeks, I think you'll probably start to feel more empowered and strong enough to either demand better from him or leave. I wish you well and I think you can do it, girl! Good luck!
Relationship problem. It's complicated, but i hope somebody can give wise advice?
If Jane and Tom are in love, they've been through loads of things together. But they can't become lovers yet because jane thinks that it's not the time. Moreover, her parents doesn't allow her to get into relationship at the age of 17.
Jane and tom have been secretly together for a year, but whenever they go out, they'll have to go with a group of friends so that if her parents or whoever saw them in town, they're not the only two who went out.
Everything was smooth sailing, but one day, Tom said he couldn't stand it anymore. He thinks that this relationship is going nowhere because he can't go out with a girl he likes. He thinks that they should stop meeting/talking/texting so often and remain as friends. He wants to have thing moving slowly so that he wouldn't fall for Jane too deeply.
Jane is terribly upset because Tom is treating her coldly,but she can't find a way to settle it with tom. Because, its either she go out with tom or leave him alone.Relationship problem. It's complicated, but i hope somebody can give wise advice?
In this society, and especially the society your parents came from, it is believed that the elders have the wisdom and know what's right for their young.
In reality, you were born with all of the wisdom of your parents built-in.
The dichotomy is that this belief of the elders being ';older and wiser'; is that Jane's parents can't even have a conversation with her about what's really going on with her, because she respects them more than she respects herself.
The best thing to do would be to take her parents completely out of the equation. This is something that Jane will realize is the only way for her to be happy at some point in life. Not many realize it at such a young age.
Usually people disrespect themselves their whole lives in order to respect their parents. Then their parents die and they begin to live life for themselves. Although it is virtually impossible because they are so set in their ways by then that change is extremely difficult. Oh, and let's not forget wanting to protect their legacy after they have passed. In many cultures, (such as Jane's), it is believed that respect should be paid to the legacy of the parents.
So Jane's ';legacy'; could read:
Jane honorably kept herself from what she wanted to be and do in order to uphold her parents' legacy, who were upholding their parents' legacy who were upholding their parents' legacy... and so on and so forth.
What if Jane's legacy read something more like this:
Jane wrote a book about Legacy, which helped millions to break out of the pattern of perpetuating unhappiness.
Jane followed her heart, regardless of what anyone else said or did, and though her friends and family and the rest of the world did not approve of Jane at first, Jane stayed true to herself, understanding that she is unique like a snowflake.
In time, Jane's happiness in love and life became undeniable and her friends and family and the world began to see that Jane was happy. And, although it made some of them jealous because they had not followed their own hearts and found their own happiness, it actually brought her closer to many of her friends and family than she ever thought possible.
Obviously this transcends your question. But it is what you're really reaching for here.
It is important to understand that all answers are unique to you. So if you would like the answer, search inside yourself and nowhere else. Ask, wait, listen. You will feel either peace or tension. There is your answer.Relationship problem. It's complicated, but i hope somebody can give wise advice?
well since you are so young i would say listen to your parents...anyway if he doesnt wanna see you or talk to you anymore...he may not love you like you think....where theres a will theres a way and i am seeing no will
Listen to your parents.They are the best when it comes to advise.Your too young to be in love.Move on and pursue education.You will definitely find somebody better.
Okay, there are several ideas to solve your problem. I don't know whether you like them or not, but im just trying my best to give the best advice. One option is to tell your parents, I know that you really don't want to have to talk to them about this. But if this guy is really important to you, then you will not let him go just because you have strict parents. I am fifteen years old, and my mom was completely un-open about me dating. She thought I was too young, and that ALL boys were just trouble. And then she met my boyfriend. She is in love with him! (lol not literaly,) If we are like going to the mall or something she is always like ';call sean and see if he wants to go, i will pick him up!'; You would just have to tell your parents, ';Look, I am seventeen, I know that it is a little young to consider dating.. But I know this really ausome guy. He has great morals and he is really nice. I would be really happy if you guys would meet him';. Chances are your parents will respect you wanting their opinions. Your next opinion would be to tell him that maybe you guys should wait until summer (im guessing you guys are seniors? Once you graduate high school your parents will most likely allow you to date). But this means having a sctricly text-- ONLY relationship. You may not feel comfotable with this idea, because it is very hard to have relationships without seeing eachother. The last thing I can think of, witch you may have already tried, idk, is to keep doing this go with your friends to the movies thing. But once you get their, you two go off alone.. Whether that means going into a totally different theatre or just not sitting next to your friends.. I hope one of these ideas helps you guys get through this. Do not let litlle things get in the way of somehthing so much more..
GOod luck %26lt;3
Jane should listen to her parent because she is still young. and the guy if he really love her he will wait. and if it meant to it will happened. Jane shouldn't destroy her future for inpatient guy.
Jane must follow her heart and tell TOM if our love is meant to be we can make it work no matter the odds or troubles, If youwish to be with me anymore then I guess this must be GOIDBYE. GOODBYE MY LOVE, I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU.
I would agree with Tom. Imagine yourself in his position. I would be pissed off if my girlfriend was too much of a good girl. I wouldn't wanna be in a relationship where any day of it is jeopardize by the parent's decisions and not hers!
Jane should just be friends and wait till she is ready and 18!! If it was meant to be he will still be there!!
well first of all never have sex untill your 200% ready. your first time should be memorable and a good experiance not a forced thing. Secondly If Tom really loves jane he'll want her to be happy and comfortable. But Tom maybe young and want more then what Jane has to offer. so in time when they come to an understanding and jane is more comfortable, friends is the only thing that is going to work.
don't think about disappointing your parents for a boy who isn't even patient enough to handle ur circumstances.
1. that sucks.
2. tom has lasted for a year in a secret relationship, thats gotta be hard..i commend both jane and tom.
3. maybe jane is just going to have to accept that the relationship is over for now, tom seems to have accepted it if hes treating jane like that.
4. jane should ask tom all the questions that she wants to kno to tom, maybe there will be a solution.
4. good luck...
tell ur parents how u feel and then tell him how u feel and don't be scared to tell them it would be better for them to know
Complicated indeed. If I were jane, I'd postpone that relationship. Jane is still young, and at that age you may think anything. Just wait, and the future will be just fine.
I get how Tom is feeling. It really sucks to be in that position because I'm sure he doesn鈥檛 want to hide or keep anything from anyone anymore. He feels the more he puts into the relationship and the more he'll go on with this the more he'll get hurt. Tom and Jane really need to talk. If they want to keep this relationship going, they have to come up with a plan to still remain together. Compromise.
umm go out with him DUH JANE,
if she loves him just date him, like honestly her parents arnt gunna stalk her around town they'll never figure it out, plus shes almost 18 and by that times she can do a whole lot more than dating without her parents ';say';. I would tell jane to stop being so dumb before she loses the love of her life.
word-
well.... i understand what you're talking about on the whole 'i want to be obiedient' thing. so well i think that maybe it's best to do as your parents say because if you go behind thier backs, you'll make it worse. plus if tom's not willing to make the sacrifice that you would, then he's not really worth it. if he really loved Jane, he'd deal with it.
I don't see any other way other than to discuss with your parents, some parents will suprise you and understand.
Tom probably thinks that you're too chicken to say anything and doesn't think you love him enough to face your parents.
Say you do tell your parents and they say no, how are the supposed to stop you really? You see him at school and you can always have ';lunch dates'; and things, and if he knows you tried I think he would understand.
If he doesn't, he isn't worth it. He's a prick, my most recent ex dumped me for some stupid thing like that-- and honestly, you deserve better if he still doesn't want to go out with you.
As for treating you coldly, i think he is trying to get over you, and staying friends with ex-boyfriends anyways can get quite complicated.
Let the loser stay with his other girl. You do understand that he has another, don't you?
follow your heart and if janes parents cant exept that they are not good parents but jane should talk to her parents that they are making her life misery and talk to tom about it and all hope things work out for jane. By the way you look beautiful
jane if you want to remain w/Tom - you need to tell your parents - if they don't agree, explain to them you will be 18 soon. Also many parents get tooo strict sometimes and then they wonder why the kids hide things from them - i believe you are old enough to date - UNTIL you're 18 They can set the rules to know where you are, how late you should be out
a little bit of rebellion never harmed anyone. i say jane should try the relationship with tom despite what her parents may say. if she is careful and responsible enough then there should be little problem. relationships in high school are a natural part of life development, and should thereby not be forbidden. they should be watched with a careful eye, of course, but not prohibited.
tom is clearly quite a patient and reltively decent fellow (he has been keeping the relationship secret for a year, and therefore we can see that he is quite commited to it), so i think that jane should give him a chance.
I am in the same situation, and its been 4 years now.. the 1st and 2nd year was on a low note, but when we noticed that we want to share lives with each other forever we didnt let anyone or anything come in between us no friends, family or anyone. here, trust plays a very important role as we knew it would be us winning in the end.
You are lucky in a way that u guys can go out together, in my case its been a long distanse relationship and we are still going strong and have never met for 4 years now. We met when we were 16 and in love ever since.
When you love each other, be proud to say ';we will make it happen';.
Just leave him...he is not THE ONE in your life....coz if he was....he wudnt hv said those cold words...(he wanna leave you...juss becoz you cant make it right now!!) you are juss 17 he cud hv wait for more time...but he seem to be in hurry ....anyways...one more possibility....the reason he is reactng that way....might be juss because he want you to make a decision...he desperately wanna hear that he is more important to you than your parents...and if thats the case which u never know....dan juss leave him for a while...he will come back to you no matter what...and if he really doesnt care...den you will soon see him dating wid a girl (ofcourse alone and not in a group)....soo no worries....you gonna make it right either way...
god bless!! :-)
lose him...it willbe hard as hell...but so very much harder if you begin to make comprimises and regrets will overwhelm you in the future. I know it's hard to see that now...but you asked for ';wisdom'; and I have been there done that.
The tears now will someday pay off.
dump him and do it decidedly..and confidently...he may even respect you for it if you do it that way.
Jane and tom have been secretly together for a year, but whenever they go out, they'll have to go with a group of friends so that if her parents or whoever saw them in town, they're not the only two who went out.
Everything was smooth sailing, but one day, Tom said he couldn't stand it anymore. He thinks that this relationship is going nowhere because he can't go out with a girl he likes. He thinks that they should stop meeting/talking/texting so often and remain as friends. He wants to have thing moving slowly so that he wouldn't fall for Jane too deeply.
Jane is terribly upset because Tom is treating her coldly,but she can't find a way to settle it with tom. Because, its either she go out with tom or leave him alone.Relationship problem. It's complicated, but i hope somebody can give wise advice?
In this society, and especially the society your parents came from, it is believed that the elders have the wisdom and know what's right for their young.
In reality, you were born with all of the wisdom of your parents built-in.
The dichotomy is that this belief of the elders being ';older and wiser'; is that Jane's parents can't even have a conversation with her about what's really going on with her, because she respects them more than she respects herself.
The best thing to do would be to take her parents completely out of the equation. This is something that Jane will realize is the only way for her to be happy at some point in life. Not many realize it at such a young age.
Usually people disrespect themselves their whole lives in order to respect their parents. Then their parents die and they begin to live life for themselves. Although it is virtually impossible because they are so set in their ways by then that change is extremely difficult. Oh, and let's not forget wanting to protect their legacy after they have passed. In many cultures, (such as Jane's), it is believed that respect should be paid to the legacy of the parents.
So Jane's ';legacy'; could read:
Jane honorably kept herself from what she wanted to be and do in order to uphold her parents' legacy, who were upholding their parents' legacy who were upholding their parents' legacy... and so on and so forth.
What if Jane's legacy read something more like this:
Jane wrote a book about Legacy, which helped millions to break out of the pattern of perpetuating unhappiness.
Jane followed her heart, regardless of what anyone else said or did, and though her friends and family and the rest of the world did not approve of Jane at first, Jane stayed true to herself, understanding that she is unique like a snowflake.
In time, Jane's happiness in love and life became undeniable and her friends and family and the world began to see that Jane was happy. And, although it made some of them jealous because they had not followed their own hearts and found their own happiness, it actually brought her closer to many of her friends and family than she ever thought possible.
Obviously this transcends your question. But it is what you're really reaching for here.
It is important to understand that all answers are unique to you. So if you would like the answer, search inside yourself and nowhere else. Ask, wait, listen. You will feel either peace or tension. There is your answer.Relationship problem. It's complicated, but i hope somebody can give wise advice?
well since you are so young i would say listen to your parents...anyway if he doesnt wanna see you or talk to you anymore...he may not love you like you think....where theres a will theres a way and i am seeing no will
Listen to your parents.They are the best when it comes to advise.Your too young to be in love.Move on and pursue education.You will definitely find somebody better.
Okay, there are several ideas to solve your problem. I don't know whether you like them or not, but im just trying my best to give the best advice. One option is to tell your parents, I know that you really don't want to have to talk to them about this. But if this guy is really important to you, then you will not let him go just because you have strict parents. I am fifteen years old, and my mom was completely un-open about me dating. She thought I was too young, and that ALL boys were just trouble. And then she met my boyfriend. She is in love with him! (lol not literaly,) If we are like going to the mall or something she is always like ';call sean and see if he wants to go, i will pick him up!'; You would just have to tell your parents, ';Look, I am seventeen, I know that it is a little young to consider dating.. But I know this really ausome guy. He has great morals and he is really nice. I would be really happy if you guys would meet him';. Chances are your parents will respect you wanting their opinions. Your next opinion would be to tell him that maybe you guys should wait until summer (im guessing you guys are seniors? Once you graduate high school your parents will most likely allow you to date). But this means having a sctricly text-- ONLY relationship. You may not feel comfotable with this idea, because it is very hard to have relationships without seeing eachother. The last thing I can think of, witch you may have already tried, idk, is to keep doing this go with your friends to the movies thing. But once you get their, you two go off alone.. Whether that means going into a totally different theatre or just not sitting next to your friends.. I hope one of these ideas helps you guys get through this. Do not let litlle things get in the way of somehthing so much more..
GOod luck %26lt;3
Jane should listen to her parent because she is still young. and the guy if he really love her he will wait. and if it meant to it will happened. Jane shouldn't destroy her future for inpatient guy.
Jane must follow her heart and tell TOM if our love is meant to be we can make it work no matter the odds or troubles, If youwish to be with me anymore then I guess this must be GOIDBYE. GOODBYE MY LOVE, I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU.
I would agree with Tom. Imagine yourself in his position. I would be pissed off if my girlfriend was too much of a good girl. I wouldn't wanna be in a relationship where any day of it is jeopardize by the parent's decisions and not hers!
Jane should just be friends and wait till she is ready and 18!! If it was meant to be he will still be there!!
well first of all never have sex untill your 200% ready. your first time should be memorable and a good experiance not a forced thing. Secondly If Tom really loves jane he'll want her to be happy and comfortable. But Tom maybe young and want more then what Jane has to offer. so in time when they come to an understanding and jane is more comfortable, friends is the only thing that is going to work.
don't think about disappointing your parents for a boy who isn't even patient enough to handle ur circumstances.
1. that sucks.
2. tom has lasted for a year in a secret relationship, thats gotta be hard..i commend both jane and tom.
3. maybe jane is just going to have to accept that the relationship is over for now, tom seems to have accepted it if hes treating jane like that.
4. jane should ask tom all the questions that she wants to kno to tom, maybe there will be a solution.
4. good luck...
tell ur parents how u feel and then tell him how u feel and don't be scared to tell them it would be better for them to know
Complicated indeed. If I were jane, I'd postpone that relationship. Jane is still young, and at that age you may think anything. Just wait, and the future will be just fine.
I get how Tom is feeling. It really sucks to be in that position because I'm sure he doesn鈥檛 want to hide or keep anything from anyone anymore. He feels the more he puts into the relationship and the more he'll go on with this the more he'll get hurt. Tom and Jane really need to talk. If they want to keep this relationship going, they have to come up with a plan to still remain together. Compromise.
umm go out with him DUH JANE,
if she loves him just date him, like honestly her parents arnt gunna stalk her around town they'll never figure it out, plus shes almost 18 and by that times she can do a whole lot more than dating without her parents ';say';. I would tell jane to stop being so dumb before she loses the love of her life.
word-
well.... i understand what you're talking about on the whole 'i want to be obiedient' thing. so well i think that maybe it's best to do as your parents say because if you go behind thier backs, you'll make it worse. plus if tom's not willing to make the sacrifice that you would, then he's not really worth it. if he really loved Jane, he'd deal with it.
I don't see any other way other than to discuss with your parents, some parents will suprise you and understand.
Tom probably thinks that you're too chicken to say anything and doesn't think you love him enough to face your parents.
Say you do tell your parents and they say no, how are the supposed to stop you really? You see him at school and you can always have ';lunch dates'; and things, and if he knows you tried I think he would understand.
If he doesn't, he isn't worth it. He's a prick, my most recent ex dumped me for some stupid thing like that-- and honestly, you deserve better if he still doesn't want to go out with you.
As for treating you coldly, i think he is trying to get over you, and staying friends with ex-boyfriends anyways can get quite complicated.
Let the loser stay with his other girl. You do understand that he has another, don't you?
follow your heart and if janes parents cant exept that they are not good parents but jane should talk to her parents that they are making her life misery and talk to tom about it and all hope things work out for jane. By the way you look beautiful
jane if you want to remain w/Tom - you need to tell your parents - if they don't agree, explain to them you will be 18 soon. Also many parents get tooo strict sometimes and then they wonder why the kids hide things from them - i believe you are old enough to date - UNTIL you're 18 They can set the rules to know where you are, how late you should be out
a little bit of rebellion never harmed anyone. i say jane should try the relationship with tom despite what her parents may say. if she is careful and responsible enough then there should be little problem. relationships in high school are a natural part of life development, and should thereby not be forbidden. they should be watched with a careful eye, of course, but not prohibited.
tom is clearly quite a patient and reltively decent fellow (he has been keeping the relationship secret for a year, and therefore we can see that he is quite commited to it), so i think that jane should give him a chance.
I am in the same situation, and its been 4 years now.. the 1st and 2nd year was on a low note, but when we noticed that we want to share lives with each other forever we didnt let anyone or anything come in between us no friends, family or anyone. here, trust plays a very important role as we knew it would be us winning in the end.
You are lucky in a way that u guys can go out together, in my case its been a long distanse relationship and we are still going strong and have never met for 4 years now. We met when we were 16 and in love ever since.
When you love each other, be proud to say ';we will make it happen';.
Just leave him...he is not THE ONE in your life....coz if he was....he wudnt hv said those cold words...(he wanna leave you...juss becoz you cant make it right now!!) you are juss 17 he cud hv wait for more time...but he seem to be in hurry ....anyways...one more possibility....the reason he is reactng that way....might be juss because he want you to make a decision...he desperately wanna hear that he is more important to you than your parents...and if thats the case which u never know....dan juss leave him for a while...he will come back to you no matter what...and if he really doesnt care...den you will soon see him dating wid a girl (ofcourse alone and not in a group)....soo no worries....you gonna make it right either way...
god bless!! :-)
lose him...it willbe hard as hell...but so very much harder if you begin to make comprimises and regrets will overwhelm you in the future. I know it's hard to see that now...but you asked for ';wisdom'; and I have been there done that.
The tears now will someday pay off.
dump him and do it decidedly..and confidently...he may even respect you for it if you do it that way.
Does anyone have any advice on how to move on after infidelity in a relationship...i am having trouble w this?
incident was about 3 months ago, first time inour 51/2 yr relationship. didn't sleep w her but everything else, to me tho cheating is cheating and he met me out right after like nothing had happened.I later found her number,etc...we can't afford counseling right now, i am suspicious wen he goes out now...i keep quiet because i chose to stay and i can't expect him to stay locked up 4ever...maybe som help with this or clear signs he may be doing it again because there has been a few suspicious episodes..Does anyone have any advice on how to move on after infidelity in a relationship...i am having trouble w this?
best thing is get involved in a bible preaching church, everybody sins and you say he din't even have sex, what did he do -talk? and you're mad about that? just forgive and let it go, show him you need more than that to shake you up. there's no sense looking for signs,
you'll go crazy, just love him less.Does anyone have any advice on how to move on after infidelity in a relationship...i am having trouble w this?
It's hard to move on, but you'll get over it, you forgive but you never forget, and that is something you need to sit and think about are you willing to go thru the relationship always second guessing or just acting like nothing happened, if your decision, it won't be easy but you're the only one that has to live with the decision.
It's going to take a lot of hard work and most importantly communication.
As far the possibility that he's doing it again, you're just going to have to sit down and talk it out...sorry to sound blunt, but keeping quiet isn't going to fix anything!
i have been married of 24 years, if you do not know him in 51 years then something is wrong, i breath and my wife knows whats in my head, talking is the best you can do, you should know that. when i am married for 51 years my wife will cough and i will know when the last time she went to the bathroom you just know the person after so many years???
Once a cheater, always a cheater! I forgave my husband too and he turned around and did it again. Now I'm single and finally happy. Cheaters don't deserve a second chance. If the man loves and respects you, he would never want to be with another woman.
After 41 years of marriage my husband cheated on me with someone as young as our children. He got her pregnant. I have been divorced for a year now and can;t give you any advise, just my prayers. I still haven't moved on.
If you are going to stay with him, then suck it up. What do you expect people to tell you and how would that effect change in how you feel?
your right you cant keep him locked up ;
and a relationship is nothing without trust ;
do you forgive him ;
do you think yall could get over what he did ;
think about it ; good luck ( =
either forgive and move on with him or sum1 else. i never get y ppl get back 2gether after something like this happens to only hold on to what happend and let ruin their attempt to be happy again.
if you have no kids.. move on..
if you have kids.. stay for the kids until you can't stay anymore
if he doesnt tell u where he is going
if he doesnt pick up his phone for hours
if he doesnt sleep with u as much as before
Either forget about it, or take some time to yourself for now.
wow... youre a strong woman .
it doesnt matter if you chose to stay - i would still make his life hell if i were you
You're just going to have to trust him unless he proves otherwise to you. You'll never forget it, but ';time'; does help %26amp; puts it further back in your mind. You choose to stay tho, so you can't accuse him or ask him about every move he makes from here on out. That eventually WILL come between you both %26amp; w/do nothing but cause arguments constantly. Just keep your eyes %26amp; ears open for signs, but you can't drive yourself crazy w/it either. You'll just have to accept things as they are %26amp; do your best to trust again. I KNOW it's hard, I've been there too. But hopefully he's learned his lesson %26amp; you won't have to worry about it in the future. I would say IF he does do it again, you ARE going to have to make up your mind if you do want to ';settle'; for this the rest of your lives or if you want to move on. Yes, it is a hard decision to make. Until you find you do have to worry, try your best to trust again...the best to you...:)
people leave people mostly when the other person is living thier life for them.like a house wife does.seem you never have anything new to talk about so they get bored with you eazyily..well i am here to say don't worry so much about leaving as living your own life,don't worry aboutwhere he/she has been or what they are doing cause the only person that is going to make you happy is you.and as you have noticed in other relationships,people that are laughing and having fun are together..people that are not are looking for someone else to make them happy.when you are the only one that can make yourself happy.so i hope you understand that no matter what he does,the reason why he done it was you were not happy.so it made him/her unhappy.so he/she looked for someone to make them happy when they can only make them sevles happy.like a full circle.like you see on the soaps..lol. make yourself happy let others make them selves happy.be around happy people.get it..i hope so.it has taken me 39 years to understand this.yeah i get unhappy everyonce in a while.i'm not perfect.but i know where to startliving for MEhomemade blackheads
best thing is get involved in a bible preaching church, everybody sins and you say he din't even have sex, what did he do -talk? and you're mad about that? just forgive and let it go, show him you need more than that to shake you up. there's no sense looking for signs,
you'll go crazy, just love him less.Does anyone have any advice on how to move on after infidelity in a relationship...i am having trouble w this?
It's hard to move on, but you'll get over it, you forgive but you never forget, and that is something you need to sit and think about are you willing to go thru the relationship always second guessing or just acting like nothing happened, if your decision, it won't be easy but you're the only one that has to live with the decision.
It's going to take a lot of hard work and most importantly communication.
As far the possibility that he's doing it again, you're just going to have to sit down and talk it out...sorry to sound blunt, but keeping quiet isn't going to fix anything!
i have been married of 24 years, if you do not know him in 51 years then something is wrong, i breath and my wife knows whats in my head, talking is the best you can do, you should know that. when i am married for 51 years my wife will cough and i will know when the last time she went to the bathroom you just know the person after so many years???
Once a cheater, always a cheater! I forgave my husband too and he turned around and did it again. Now I'm single and finally happy. Cheaters don't deserve a second chance. If the man loves and respects you, he would never want to be with another woman.
After 41 years of marriage my husband cheated on me with someone as young as our children. He got her pregnant. I have been divorced for a year now and can;t give you any advise, just my prayers. I still haven't moved on.
If you are going to stay with him, then suck it up. What do you expect people to tell you and how would that effect change in how you feel?
your right you cant keep him locked up ;
and a relationship is nothing without trust ;
do you forgive him ;
do you think yall could get over what he did ;
think about it ; good luck ( =
either forgive and move on with him or sum1 else. i never get y ppl get back 2gether after something like this happens to only hold on to what happend and let ruin their attempt to be happy again.
if you have no kids.. move on..
if you have kids.. stay for the kids until you can't stay anymore
if he doesnt tell u where he is going
if he doesnt pick up his phone for hours
if he doesnt sleep with u as much as before
Either forget about it, or take some time to yourself for now.
wow... youre a strong woman .
it doesnt matter if you chose to stay - i would still make his life hell if i were you
You're just going to have to trust him unless he proves otherwise to you. You'll never forget it, but ';time'; does help %26amp; puts it further back in your mind. You choose to stay tho, so you can't accuse him or ask him about every move he makes from here on out. That eventually WILL come between you both %26amp; w/do nothing but cause arguments constantly. Just keep your eyes %26amp; ears open for signs, but you can't drive yourself crazy w/it either. You'll just have to accept things as they are %26amp; do your best to trust again. I KNOW it's hard, I've been there too. But hopefully he's learned his lesson %26amp; you won't have to worry about it in the future. I would say IF he does do it again, you ARE going to have to make up your mind if you do want to ';settle'; for this the rest of your lives or if you want to move on. Yes, it is a hard decision to make. Until you find you do have to worry, try your best to trust again...the best to you...:)
people leave people mostly when the other person is living thier life for them.like a house wife does.seem you never have anything new to talk about so they get bored with you eazyily..well i am here to say don't worry so much about leaving as living your own life,don't worry aboutwhere he/she has been or what they are doing cause the only person that is going to make you happy is you.and as you have noticed in other relationships,people that are laughing and having fun are together..people that are not are looking for someone else to make them happy.when you are the only one that can make yourself happy.so i hope you understand that no matter what he does,the reason why he done it was you were not happy.so it made him/her unhappy.so he/she looked for someone to make them happy when they can only make them sevles happy.like a full circle.like you see on the soaps..lol. make yourself happy let others make them selves happy.be around happy people.get it..i hope so.it has taken me 39 years to understand this.yeah i get unhappy everyonce in a while.i'm not perfect.but i know where to startliving for ME
Advice on telling my dad I'm in an interracial relationship?
Ok, I'm about to make some embarrasing admissions so I hope everyone can read this with an open mind. I've been dating a Kenyan man for about 5 months now, and I'm really falling in love with him. He's treated me better than anyone I've ever been with. I've had my share of bad relationships in the past, so I swore that I would never introduce another man to my parents until we were engaged, or at least on that path. So I only recently told my mom about him, and still haven't told my dad. My parents come from a small town, and unfortunately are not in favor of interracial couples, especially my dad. My mom's trying to be open-minded about it.
Last night, my bf invited me to go with him and his family to Hawaii for Christmas, all expenses paid! I really want to go. But that means telling my dad who I'm dating, AND missing Christmas with them. They're usually understanding about holiday conflicts, but this is a different situation. I'm really embarrased that my dad is so close-minded..Advice on telling my dad I'm in an interracial relationship?
hunni....if you are happy with this man then his race/colour should not be an issue for your parents, as long as you are happy and he is happy that's all that matters.. if they see that your happy then they should be happy for you....just go and tell them that you have been seeing this great guy for months now but didn't want to tell them until you knew that he was right for you, you should not be embarrassed about this, just tell them and hope that they give you their blessings...tell them how happy you are and how well this guy treats you...i wish you all the luck in the world, this guy sounds lovely...good luck...Advice on telling my dad I'm in an interracial relationship?
If you're really serious about this guy, you're going to have to tell him eventually. His reactions are his own, you can't be responsible for that.
As far as Christmas, maybe talk to your mom first to see how well it would go over? Some families don't mind celebrating on a different day, and some families think it's really important to be together on that specific day. You'll have to decide that with them...
If possible,u can have a good talk with your father,find the real reason why he is so close-minded,but not mention your interracial dating.Then,introduce the guy to your farther as just a friend of yours by accident,see your father likes him or not....I think your father love u and hope you will be happy in the future,why not have a try to let your father understand you?When i was first in an interracial relationship on interracialmatch.com ,I have met the same problem.Unforturnately,I broke up with the guy in the end.Good luck to you.
Basically you should not go away on vacation with this guy till your married. You if your serious about this guy need to talk to your dad. You need to stand up for what you believe in. Unless your unsure. You need to talk to this guy and ask him what his intents are about your relationship..If he plans on taking it futher then just boy friend and girl friend.
Just tell him...Dad I've been seeing this really wonderful Man, he treats me very well and I'm happier than I've ever been in a relationship. Now I know how you feel about interracial relationships, but my happiness should be more important than the color of his skin. Dad I know you love me enough to open your mind to this and thank you for raising me to not settle for any Man but to insist on the best.
Do not give him a chance to speak until your finished.
Ask Tucker Chapman.
Don't tell them. Just don't have anything to do with them anymore.
Oh come on we are in 2007 mixed children fit in anywhere unless you live in a small town where a donut shop is disturbing their peace. Come on. I would tell your father that I love this man and I want you to welcome him as he is a good man. Missing Christmas ohhhh that is a toughie after such a short relationship you may get some flack. I would rethink that one. But accepting this guy if you love him then you are going to be strong enough to defend him and your feelings for him. If you cant then you are not a strong enough woman and what can I tell you? Dad has to either get out of the dark ages or loose you. That would be my issue. You can see how foolish small minded people are and uneducated. Rise above racism take a stand you will be a better person for it.
for this reason a husband leaves his mother and a woman leaves her home.
the primary reason for a relationship is to create love so beautiful, the world sees true unselfish loves is. The most valuable thing in life is not things or power and prestige. No the most valuable thing in life is meaningful relationship. Relationships that helps to define us and make us blossom. We should honor our parents, but it is not honoring them to do that which is not right as an ADULT, You are now responsible for your destiny and the choices you now make, or allow others to make will impact that.
So explain to your father in great detail, with examples how this relationship benefits and fulfills you. Your purpose is not to make your father wrong but to allay his fears and concerns. Not all black men are irresponsible, some are knights in shining armor.
My mom was not so pleased with my bf when she met him. I had a two fold problem: he is wht and he's from a different class (';lower'; than my own). I'm super close to my mother and I usually take her advice but this was a situation where I had to be an adult and let her know that I have to make my own decisions in life just as she made hers. Now, he wasn't the first wht guy that I had dated so I was a bit surprised by her reaction but she recognized it as a serious relationship and that got her dander up.
You already told your mother and it sounds like they're not ';racist'; per se, just feel that you should ';stick with your own'; when it comes to romantic relationships because of the generation that they are from and the way that they see the world. This is hopeful because it means that they're not going to reject him out of hand and will probably come around if/when things become super serious. The only thing for it at the moment is to just tell him [your father] and let him meet him [your bf]. See if they are willing to come to you for Thanksgiving or some small holiday celebration that you can have with them before you go off to Hawaii. That way, you don't have to take him to your parents town and your parents will have an oppotunity to see that it's not as big of a deal as they think it is in your environment. Maybe let him talk to your father on the phone if that isn't possible. You have your mother on your side as I had my father on mine and that makes a huge difference in the outcome.
You shouldn't be embarrassed about your fathers opinions. You have nothing to do with them and he's a product of his generation/environment as are we all.
Good luck.
its your life, its your love, there are almost no problems with inter-racials kids this day in age because just about everyone is inter-racial which makes racism all that more confusing.
anyway, just tell him, and keep on talking to him about it over time. sooner or later he will ether have to deal with it or just stay out of your love life
You should tell your dad but I understand how much of a challenge this may be for you, so if for what ever reason you can't tell your dad. Have your mom tell your dad. Your mom is already aware of the situation and she has been keeping your secret so she's on your side and if you want to go to Hawaii with your BF then go. Life is really short and this ultimately is your life...start living it.
As far as the kids excuse, that's got to be theoldest and lamest cop out out there. Not to mention all the problems kids today are having regardless of if they are white or not. Kids are being preyed on and raped and molested bu adults at an alarming rate and those adults aren't snatching up bi-racial kids, they are going for white kids. At the CMA awards Kellie Pickler basically broke down in song because of her mom abandoning her as a kid and they are all white. So do not let anyone push that lame *** excuse on you about it's abotu the kids, obviously noone gives a crap about the kids these days.
I think that you should go on vacation and enjoy yourself with your BF. Your father just has to deal with it that your dating out of your race. You can't help who you fall in love with and he has to understand that. Maybe you could have your dad come to dinner with you and your BF so that way he can't scream or rant about him being Kenyen. If your mom is ok with it, I think she could smooth things over with your dad. Be happy live free, life is to short to make excuses for what you want and your dad has to come to his senses and be open minded.
Oh and by the way I'm Puerto Rican not Mexican..You answered my question earlier and said ';the mexican girl'; and i just wanted to clarify that...maybe stupid to some people but i'm not afraid to correct people.
Last night, my bf invited me to go with him and his family to Hawaii for Christmas, all expenses paid! I really want to go. But that means telling my dad who I'm dating, AND missing Christmas with them. They're usually understanding about holiday conflicts, but this is a different situation. I'm really embarrased that my dad is so close-minded..Advice on telling my dad I'm in an interracial relationship?
hunni....if you are happy with this man then his race/colour should not be an issue for your parents, as long as you are happy and he is happy that's all that matters.. if they see that your happy then they should be happy for you....just go and tell them that you have been seeing this great guy for months now but didn't want to tell them until you knew that he was right for you, you should not be embarrassed about this, just tell them and hope that they give you their blessings...tell them how happy you are and how well this guy treats you...i wish you all the luck in the world, this guy sounds lovely...good luck...Advice on telling my dad I'm in an interracial relationship?
If you're really serious about this guy, you're going to have to tell him eventually. His reactions are his own, you can't be responsible for that.
As far as Christmas, maybe talk to your mom first to see how well it would go over? Some families don't mind celebrating on a different day, and some families think it's really important to be together on that specific day. You'll have to decide that with them...
If possible,u can have a good talk with your father,find the real reason why he is so close-minded,but not mention your interracial dating.Then,introduce the guy to your farther as just a friend of yours by accident,see your father likes him or not....I think your father love u and hope you will be happy in the future,why not have a try to let your father understand you?When i was first in an interracial relationship on interracialmatch.com ,I have met the same problem.Unforturnately,I broke up with the guy in the end.Good luck to you.
Basically you should not go away on vacation with this guy till your married. You if your serious about this guy need to talk to your dad. You need to stand up for what you believe in. Unless your unsure. You need to talk to this guy and ask him what his intents are about your relationship..If he plans on taking it futher then just boy friend and girl friend.
Just tell him...Dad I've been seeing this really wonderful Man, he treats me very well and I'm happier than I've ever been in a relationship. Now I know how you feel about interracial relationships, but my happiness should be more important than the color of his skin. Dad I know you love me enough to open your mind to this and thank you for raising me to not settle for any Man but to insist on the best.
Do not give him a chance to speak until your finished.
Ask Tucker Chapman.
Don't tell them. Just don't have anything to do with them anymore.
Oh come on we are in 2007 mixed children fit in anywhere unless you live in a small town where a donut shop is disturbing their peace. Come on. I would tell your father that I love this man and I want you to welcome him as he is a good man. Missing Christmas ohhhh that is a toughie after such a short relationship you may get some flack. I would rethink that one. But accepting this guy if you love him then you are going to be strong enough to defend him and your feelings for him. If you cant then you are not a strong enough woman and what can I tell you? Dad has to either get out of the dark ages or loose you. That would be my issue. You can see how foolish small minded people are and uneducated. Rise above racism take a stand you will be a better person for it.
for this reason a husband leaves his mother and a woman leaves her home.
the primary reason for a relationship is to create love so beautiful, the world sees true unselfish loves is. The most valuable thing in life is not things or power and prestige. No the most valuable thing in life is meaningful relationship. Relationships that helps to define us and make us blossom. We should honor our parents, but it is not honoring them to do that which is not right as an ADULT, You are now responsible for your destiny and the choices you now make, or allow others to make will impact that.
So explain to your father in great detail, with examples how this relationship benefits and fulfills you. Your purpose is not to make your father wrong but to allay his fears and concerns. Not all black men are irresponsible, some are knights in shining armor.
My mom was not so pleased with my bf when she met him. I had a two fold problem: he is wht and he's from a different class (';lower'; than my own). I'm super close to my mother and I usually take her advice but this was a situation where I had to be an adult and let her know that I have to make my own decisions in life just as she made hers. Now, he wasn't the first wht guy that I had dated so I was a bit surprised by her reaction but she recognized it as a serious relationship and that got her dander up.
You already told your mother and it sounds like they're not ';racist'; per se, just feel that you should ';stick with your own'; when it comes to romantic relationships because of the generation that they are from and the way that they see the world. This is hopeful because it means that they're not going to reject him out of hand and will probably come around if/when things become super serious. The only thing for it at the moment is to just tell him [your father] and let him meet him [your bf]. See if they are willing to come to you for Thanksgiving or some small holiday celebration that you can have with them before you go off to Hawaii. That way, you don't have to take him to your parents town and your parents will have an oppotunity to see that it's not as big of a deal as they think it is in your environment. Maybe let him talk to your father on the phone if that isn't possible. You have your mother on your side as I had my father on mine and that makes a huge difference in the outcome.
You shouldn't be embarrassed about your fathers opinions. You have nothing to do with them and he's a product of his generation/environment as are we all.
Good luck.
its your life, its your love, there are almost no problems with inter-racials kids this day in age because just about everyone is inter-racial which makes racism all that more confusing.
anyway, just tell him, and keep on talking to him about it over time. sooner or later he will ether have to deal with it or just stay out of your love life
You should tell your dad but I understand how much of a challenge this may be for you, so if for what ever reason you can't tell your dad. Have your mom tell your dad. Your mom is already aware of the situation and she has been keeping your secret so she's on your side and if you want to go to Hawaii with your BF then go. Life is really short and this ultimately is your life...start living it.
As far as the kids excuse, that's got to be theoldest and lamest cop out out there. Not to mention all the problems kids today are having regardless of if they are white or not. Kids are being preyed on and raped and molested bu adults at an alarming rate and those adults aren't snatching up bi-racial kids, they are going for white kids. At the CMA awards Kellie Pickler basically broke down in song because of her mom abandoning her as a kid and they are all white. So do not let anyone push that lame *** excuse on you about it's abotu the kids, obviously noone gives a crap about the kids these days.
I think that you should go on vacation and enjoy yourself with your BF. Your father just has to deal with it that your dating out of your race. You can't help who you fall in love with and he has to understand that. Maybe you could have your dad come to dinner with you and your BF so that way he can't scream or rant about him being Kenyen. If your mom is ok with it, I think she could smooth things over with your dad. Be happy live free, life is to short to make excuses for what you want and your dad has to come to his senses and be open minded.
Oh and by the way I'm Puerto Rican not Mexican..You answered my question earlier and said ';the mexican girl'; and i just wanted to clarify that...maybe stupid to some people but i'm not afraid to correct people.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Should I break up with him? (9 month relationship!!) I'm having confused, mixed feelings. Need good advice...?
I am 14 years old and my boyfriend is 16 years old. We have been dating for 9 months, and for a while now I've been having second thoughts about him. It's not really him, but more me. I'm 14, and feel im way too young to be in a serious relationship, and he did tell me it was a serious relationship. I want to be able to flirt with other guys, and focus more on other things such as friends, family, dance, etc. not a boyfriend. But then again, I feel I really like him because he's really smart and extremely nice to me and helps me through a lot of things, and I think maybe if I break up with him I'll regret it. I told him we need a week break for me to 'gather myself'. We didn't actually break up. That is the closest we ever came to breaking up. What should I do? Stay with him? Dump him? HELP!!Should I break up with him? (9 month relationship!!) I'm having confused, mixed feelings. Need good advice...?
If he's holding you back from doing what you want to do, why would you stay with him? If you're seriously doubting the relationship, it's not worth being together. Plus you're young, enjoy it while you can.Should I break up with him? (9 month relationship!!) I'm having confused, mixed feelings. Need good advice...?
Follow your heart and do what makes you happy! You're young! There is plenty of fish in the sea. Tell him you think you're too young for a serious relationship and you need to live your life. Focus on living and having fun!
don't let him pressure you into doing something you don't want to do
i take it as this is the longest ';relationship'; u been in so i can compare u 2 me because the relationship i am in now is the longest ive been in and i had second thoughts about him 2 but aniwai jus have a dai or 2 for you to think about everything think about all the things he did 4 u, how would u feel if u broke up with him afterwards. I dont think ur young im 14 and my bf is turnin 16 n we been together for a year n 5 months. U can still have fun while ur in a serious relationship jus dnt go over board and u mite mess up wat u have. But realli i think he is the best you can have because you dnt get a lot of good boyfriends these days so i sai stai wit him
If he's holding you back from doing what you want to do, why would you stay with him? If you're seriously doubting the relationship, it's not worth being together. Plus you're young, enjoy it while you can.Should I break up with him? (9 month relationship!!) I'm having confused, mixed feelings. Need good advice...?
Follow your heart and do what makes you happy! You're young! There is plenty of fish in the sea. Tell him you think you're too young for a serious relationship and you need to live your life. Focus on living and having fun!
don't let him pressure you into doing something you don't want to do
i take it as this is the longest ';relationship'; u been in so i can compare u 2 me because the relationship i am in now is the longest ive been in and i had second thoughts about him 2 but aniwai jus have a dai or 2 for you to think about everything think about all the things he did 4 u, how would u feel if u broke up with him afterwards. I dont think ur young im 14 and my bf is turnin 16 n we been together for a year n 5 months. U can still have fun while ur in a serious relationship jus dnt go over board and u mite mess up wat u have. But realli i think he is the best you can have because you dnt get a lot of good boyfriends these days so i sai stai wit him
I miss him so much that I cry every night, any advice on how to make our long distance relationship easier?
I'm in Idaho and my boyfriend lives in Montana. We fell in love instantly when we met. We met through a mutual friend of ours. We have so much in common and just fell madly in love. I've never felt this way about anyway. I am only 16, but I know several people who met their spouse at this age and have been together 30+ years.
I've been missing him so much lately that I cry every night. I don't know how to make this stop. We rarely see each other so that makes it even worse. I just miss him so much. Does anyone have any advice for him and I on how to make this easier on both of us? And any advice on how to help me stop crying? Please and Thank You in advance!I miss him so much that I cry every night, any advice on how to make our long distance relationship easier?
if both have computers then first thing i do is email with my wife daily on yahoo instant messenger, shes in china and soon will be in the usa but in the mean time we at least have this as well as i have a skype cam which cost $130 which enables me to call her as often as i want for just 2 pennys a minute, if she had the same it would be free. skype.com you can also get a regualar cam for as little as $25. i also visited china twice and each time for a month.if its meant to be then get creative on both sides, it can work and it did for me.granted you are very young yet this does not mean it can not work, go with your mind and heart and forget about the negatives of some that had bad experiances.I miss him so much that I cry every night, any advice on how to make our long distance relationship easier?
Poppy doesn't know what she's talking about. I know most guys would go out and check out other girls but when I was in a Long Distance I never even LOOKED at another girl, and my girlfriend felt the same pain you felt, as did I.
Honestly unless you get to see each other LDR's hurt, and usually never work in the end. It's just too hard sometimes to do that. Be prepared for heartache, and I'm sorry.;
Listen carefully dear. Long distance does not work. While you're crying every night missing him he's out with the guys and believe me he does notice other girls. That's the way guys are. It's the way you should be too. Sorry this doesn't feel better but I've been there as have friends and we all agree. It doesn't work.
why not organise a surprise trip to see him?
lots of love letters and cards, little gifts to send him...
the crying will subside hunny, being in a long distance relationship is tough - it's up to both of you if each other is worth the sacrifice in the mean time :)
I don't really know what to tell you, I'm kind of going through the same thing....... for me it helps just to talk to him every night or through texts............
Hope this helped.......
well you should try to find something else to get your mind on,16 is so very young,you may be surprised to find you are just as crazy about someone else in a few months
don't know if this will help you..but i felt just the same
You're young. Go have a couple one nighters and you'll feel better.
aww...itll be ok
Well...you seem committed and i hope he is to the key is TRUST! and you two can try to visit in the summer,also me was unfortunate i did like some one like how you did and i was 15 and i had sense that my interest will change buy the time I'm in high school...and it did! not trying to say you wont be together...just saying you two have to talk about your feelings...you have to know if you two are on the same page! if you two are that's all you need is COMMITMENT! and if he is a man who isnt scared then he's the one!
talk to each other everyday as much as possible through the phone or online..it would be better if you can see each other on a webcam..consider yourself lucky coz you can still see each other..im on a LDR also but my bf is in another country..and i dont even know when ill see him again..there are just times that you'll feel really down adn cry a lot like there's no tomorrow..but it will pass..as the days pass, you'll get used to it..well not really but it will lessen..trust me..i was like that at first and i never thought i wont stop crying..but i did..be strong for him..for your relationship..you can do it!good luck!
I've been missing him so much lately that I cry every night. I don't know how to make this stop. We rarely see each other so that makes it even worse. I just miss him so much. Does anyone have any advice for him and I on how to make this easier on both of us? And any advice on how to help me stop crying? Please and Thank You in advance!I miss him so much that I cry every night, any advice on how to make our long distance relationship easier?
if both have computers then first thing i do is email with my wife daily on yahoo instant messenger, shes in china and soon will be in the usa but in the mean time we at least have this as well as i have a skype cam which cost $130 which enables me to call her as often as i want for just 2 pennys a minute, if she had the same it would be free. skype.com you can also get a regualar cam for as little as $25. i also visited china twice and each time for a month.if its meant to be then get creative on both sides, it can work and it did for me.granted you are very young yet this does not mean it can not work, go with your mind and heart and forget about the negatives of some that had bad experiances.I miss him so much that I cry every night, any advice on how to make our long distance relationship easier?
Poppy doesn't know what she's talking about. I know most guys would go out and check out other girls but when I was in a Long Distance I never even LOOKED at another girl, and my girlfriend felt the same pain you felt, as did I.
Honestly unless you get to see each other LDR's hurt, and usually never work in the end. It's just too hard sometimes to do that. Be prepared for heartache, and I'm sorry.;
Listen carefully dear. Long distance does not work. While you're crying every night missing him he's out with the guys and believe me he does notice other girls. That's the way guys are. It's the way you should be too. Sorry this doesn't feel better but I've been there as have friends and we all agree. It doesn't work.
why not organise a surprise trip to see him?
lots of love letters and cards, little gifts to send him...
the crying will subside hunny, being in a long distance relationship is tough - it's up to both of you if each other is worth the sacrifice in the mean time :)
I don't really know what to tell you, I'm kind of going through the same thing....... for me it helps just to talk to him every night or through texts............
Hope this helped.......
well you should try to find something else to get your mind on,16 is so very young,you may be surprised to find you are just as crazy about someone else in a few months
don't know if this will help you..but i felt just the same
You're young. Go have a couple one nighters and you'll feel better.
aww...itll be ok
Well...you seem committed and i hope he is to the key is TRUST! and you two can try to visit in the summer,also me was unfortunate i did like some one like how you did and i was 15 and i had sense that my interest will change buy the time I'm in high school...and it did! not trying to say you wont be together...just saying you two have to talk about your feelings...you have to know if you two are on the same page! if you two are that's all you need is COMMITMENT! and if he is a man who isnt scared then he's the one!
talk to each other everyday as much as possible through the phone or online..it would be better if you can see each other on a webcam..consider yourself lucky coz you can still see each other..im on a LDR also but my bf is in another country..and i dont even know when ill see him again..there are just times that you'll feel really down adn cry a lot like there's no tomorrow..but it will pass..as the days pass, you'll get used to it..well not really but it will lessen..trust me..i was like that at first and i never thought i wont stop crying..but i did..be strong for him..for your relationship..you can do it!good luck!
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