Relationship problem. It's complicated, but i hope somebody can give wise advice?

If Jane and Tom are in love, they've been through loads of things together. But they can't become lovers yet because jane thinks that it's not the time. Moreover, her parents doesn't allow her to get into relationship at the age of 17.





Jane and tom have been secretly together for a year, but whenever they go out, they'll have to go with a group of friends so that if her parents or whoever saw them in town, they're not the only two who went out.





Everything was smooth sailing, but one day, Tom said he couldn't stand it anymore. He thinks that this relationship is going nowhere because he can't go out with a girl he likes. He thinks that they should stop meeting/talking/texting so often and remain as friends. He wants to have thing moving slowly so that he wouldn't fall for Jane too deeply.





Jane is terribly upset because Tom is treating her coldly,but she can't find a way to settle it with tom. Because, its either she go out with tom or leave him alone.Relationship problem. It's complicated, but i hope somebody can give wise advice?
In this society, and especially the society your parents came from, it is believed that the elders have the wisdom and know what's right for their young.





In reality, you were born with all of the wisdom of your parents built-in.





The dichotomy is that this belief of the elders being ';older and wiser'; is that Jane's parents can't even have a conversation with her about what's really going on with her, because she respects them more than she respects herself.





The best thing to do would be to take her parents completely out of the equation. This is something that Jane will realize is the only way for her to be happy at some point in life. Not many realize it at such a young age.





Usually people disrespect themselves their whole lives in order to respect their parents. Then their parents die and they begin to live life for themselves. Although it is virtually impossible because they are so set in their ways by then that change is extremely difficult. Oh, and let's not forget wanting to protect their legacy after they have passed. In many cultures, (such as Jane's), it is believed that respect should be paid to the legacy of the parents.





So Jane's ';legacy'; could read:





Jane honorably kept herself from what she wanted to be and do in order to uphold her parents' legacy, who were upholding their parents' legacy who were upholding their parents' legacy... and so on and so forth.





What if Jane's legacy read something more like this:





Jane wrote a book about Legacy, which helped millions to break out of the pattern of perpetuating unhappiness.





Jane followed her heart, regardless of what anyone else said or did, and though her friends and family and the rest of the world did not approve of Jane at first, Jane stayed true to herself, understanding that she is unique like a snowflake.





In time, Jane's happiness in love and life became undeniable and her friends and family and the world began to see that Jane was happy. And, although it made some of them jealous because they had not followed their own hearts and found their own happiness, it actually brought her closer to many of her friends and family than she ever thought possible.





Obviously this transcends your question. But it is what you're really reaching for here.





It is important to understand that all answers are unique to you. So if you would like the answer, search inside yourself and nowhere else. Ask, wait, listen. You will feel either peace or tension. There is your answer.Relationship problem. It's complicated, but i hope somebody can give wise advice?
well since you are so young i would say listen to your parents...anyway if he doesnt wanna see you or talk to you anymore...he may not love you like you think....where theres a will theres a way and i am seeing no will
Listen to your parents.They are the best when it comes to advise.Your too young to be in love.Move on and pursue education.You will definitely find somebody better.
Okay, there are several ideas to solve your problem. I don't know whether you like them or not, but im just trying my best to give the best advice. One option is to tell your parents, I know that you really don't want to have to talk to them about this. But if this guy is really important to you, then you will not let him go just because you have strict parents. I am fifteen years old, and my mom was completely un-open about me dating. She thought I was too young, and that ALL boys were just trouble. And then she met my boyfriend. She is in love with him! (lol not literaly,) If we are like going to the mall or something she is always like ';call sean and see if he wants to go, i will pick him up!'; You would just have to tell your parents, ';Look, I am seventeen, I know that it is a little young to consider dating.. But I know this really ausome guy. He has great morals and he is really nice. I would be really happy if you guys would meet him';. Chances are your parents will respect you wanting their opinions. Your next opinion would be to tell him that maybe you guys should wait until summer (im guessing you guys are seniors? Once you graduate high school your parents will most likely allow you to date). But this means having a sctricly text-- ONLY relationship. You may not feel comfotable with this idea, because it is very hard to have relationships without seeing eachother. The last thing I can think of, witch you may have already tried, idk, is to keep doing this go with your friends to the movies thing. But once you get their, you two go off alone.. Whether that means going into a totally different theatre or just not sitting next to your friends.. I hope one of these ideas helps you guys get through this. Do not let litlle things get in the way of somehthing so much more..








GOod luck %26lt;3
Jane should listen to her parent because she is still young. and the guy if he really love her he will wait. and if it meant to it will happened. Jane shouldn't destroy her future for inpatient guy.
Jane must follow her heart and tell TOM if our love is meant to be we can make it work no matter the odds or troubles, If youwish to be with me anymore then I guess this must be GOIDBYE. GOODBYE MY LOVE, I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU.
I would agree with Tom. Imagine yourself in his position. I would be pissed off if my girlfriend was too much of a good girl. I wouldn't wanna be in a relationship where any day of it is jeopardize by the parent's decisions and not hers!
Jane should just be friends and wait till she is ready and 18!! If it was meant to be he will still be there!!
well first of all never have sex untill your 200% ready. your first time should be memorable and a good experiance not a forced thing. Secondly If Tom really loves jane he'll want her to be happy and comfortable. But Tom maybe young and want more then what Jane has to offer. so in time when they come to an understanding and jane is more comfortable, friends is the only thing that is going to work.
don't think about disappointing your parents for a boy who isn't even patient enough to handle ur circumstances.
1. that sucks.


2. tom has lasted for a year in a secret relationship, thats gotta be hard..i commend both jane and tom.


3. maybe jane is just going to have to accept that the relationship is over for now, tom seems to have accepted it if hes treating jane like that.


4. jane should ask tom all the questions that she wants to kno to tom, maybe there will be a solution.


4. good luck...
tell ur parents how u feel and then tell him how u feel and don't be scared to tell them it would be better for them to know
Complicated indeed. If I were jane, I'd postpone that relationship. Jane is still young, and at that age you may think anything. Just wait, and the future will be just fine.
I get how Tom is feeling. It really sucks to be in that position because I'm sure he doesn鈥檛 want to hide or keep anything from anyone anymore. He feels the more he puts into the relationship and the more he'll go on with this the more he'll get hurt. Tom and Jane really need to talk. If they want to keep this relationship going, they have to come up with a plan to still remain together. Compromise.
umm go out with him DUH JANE,





if she loves him just date him, like honestly her parents arnt gunna stalk her around town they'll never figure it out, plus shes almost 18 and by that times she can do a whole lot more than dating without her parents ';say';. I would tell jane to stop being so dumb before she loses the love of her life.





word-
well.... i understand what you're talking about on the whole 'i want to be obiedient' thing. so well i think that maybe it's best to do as your parents say because if you go behind thier backs, you'll make it worse. plus if tom's not willing to make the sacrifice that you would, then he's not really worth it. if he really loved Jane, he'd deal with it.
I don't see any other way other than to discuss with your parents, some parents will suprise you and understand.


Tom probably thinks that you're too chicken to say anything and doesn't think you love him enough to face your parents.





Say you do tell your parents and they say no, how are the supposed to stop you really? You see him at school and you can always have ';lunch dates'; and things, and if he knows you tried I think he would understand.


If he doesn't, he isn't worth it. He's a prick, my most recent ex dumped me for some stupid thing like that-- and honestly, you deserve better if he still doesn't want to go out with you.





As for treating you coldly, i think he is trying to get over you, and staying friends with ex-boyfriends anyways can get quite complicated.
Let the loser stay with his other girl. You do understand that he has another, don't you?
follow your heart and if janes parents cant exept that they are not good parents but jane should talk to her parents that they are making her life misery and talk to tom about it and all hope things work out for jane. By the way you look beautiful
jane if you want to remain w/Tom - you need to tell your parents - if they don't agree, explain to them you will be 18 soon. Also many parents get tooo strict sometimes and then they wonder why the kids hide things from them - i believe you are old enough to date - UNTIL you're 18 They can set the rules to know where you are, how late you should be out
a little bit of rebellion never harmed anyone. i say jane should try the relationship with tom despite what her parents may say. if she is careful and responsible enough then there should be little problem. relationships in high school are a natural part of life development, and should thereby not be forbidden. they should be watched with a careful eye, of course, but not prohibited.





tom is clearly quite a patient and reltively decent fellow (he has been keeping the relationship secret for a year, and therefore we can see that he is quite commited to it), so i think that jane should give him a chance.
I am in the same situation, and its been 4 years now.. the 1st and 2nd year was on a low note, but when we noticed that we want to share lives with each other forever we didnt let anyone or anything come in between us no friends, family or anyone. here, trust plays a very important role as we knew it would be us winning in the end.





You are lucky in a way that u guys can go out together, in my case its been a long distanse relationship and we are still going strong and have never met for 4 years now. We met when we were 16 and in love ever since.





When you love each other, be proud to say ';we will make it happen';.
Just leave him...he is not THE ONE in your life....coz if he was....he wudnt hv said those cold words...(he wanna leave you...juss becoz you cant make it right now!!) you are juss 17 he cud hv wait for more time...but he seem to be in hurry ....anyways...one more possibility....the reason he is reactng that way....might be juss because he want you to make a decision...he desperately wanna hear that he is more important to you than your parents...and if thats the case which u never know....dan juss leave him for a while...he will come back to you no matter what...and if he really doesnt care...den you will soon see him dating wid a girl (ofcourse alone and not in a group)....soo no worries....you gonna make it right either way...





god bless!! :-)
lose him...it willbe hard as hell...but so very much harder if you begin to make comprimises and regrets will overwhelm you in the future. I know it's hard to see that now...but you asked for ';wisdom'; and I have been there done that.





The tears now will someday pay off.





dump him and do it decidedly..and confidently...he may even respect you for it if you do it that way.