me and himMe and my man been together over a year he hasnt mentioned sex during our relationship i want to i need advice
I disagree with Legandivori. I would not ask if he is gay. Your question doesn't indicate if he has been affectionate in other ways. Assuming he has, I think if I were you I would plan a romantic evening. Kiss, hug, hold hands, do whatever it is you do. Then use your best judgment. Would you do better to take the initiative yourself and see if you can't start something, or would he more appreciate your talking with him and telling him you want to take your relationship to a new level?Me and my man been together over a year he hasnt mentioned sex during our relationship i want to i need advice
some men are like some girl that want to wait to get married first.but then again you want to know if he is gay.he may enjoy being friends with you.
hmm.
this is a hard one
make him is favorite diner and just cater the whole night to him and when you two are talking casually throw in the question ';what do you think about intimacy'; and carry the conversation from there.
but don't be too forceful you don't want to seem as though your relationship should be based on sex
Ask him directly if he's gay. If he;'s not, ask him if he wants to fool around. If he says he wants to wait until he;s married ( occasionally happens), it;s your call. Only you know if you are willing to wait.
read erotic stories. it will help allloooottttt!
perhaps he wants to stay abstinent because he is a Christian. have you talked to him about this? because you need to. if sex is something he wants to wait for until marriage, you need to re-think your relationship with him.
Perhaps he is gay and does not want to admit such tendencies. I know from experience. I involved with a man that I cared about dearly. It never dawned on me that something wasnt right that I could lay next to the man totally naked, and he wouldnt touch me. I was secure with that fact at the same time. I was used who were on the opposite spectrum.The man will not admit it to this day,our relationship has diminished but we talk every now and then.Beware of men that only have male friends that they spend GREAT deals of time with ...that you never seem to meet and only hear about.
i dont understand your question, if you have been together for a year and no sex, either check for scars, or he is gay. if it the latter of the two, drop his ***. all guys r horny. you will find someone, life is short, have sex.
Well normally I would say to get a ';dildo'; . . . but it's apparent that your man is one already. Yeah, I would mention it to him. He sounds flaky.
it doesnt mean hes gay, he just likes u so much, that sex doesnt matter to him, some guys are in the relationship for sex only, other guys care about the girl
Invite him over.When he gets there,answer the door wearing something sexy.Ask him inside,then tell him what you want him to do to you.
How old are you?
Friday, April 30, 2010
I am haveing relationship problems, can i get some advice?
*person* and i have been dating for almost a year and just recently she started to notice my flaws more often. she doesnt want me to change for her but if i dont change i may lose her and thus find myself in a paradox. I truly love her but if it has to end i dont want it to be in the horrid mess that it seems to be headed for can you give me some advice on the subject?I am haveing relationship problems, can i get some advice?
';*person* and i have been dating for almost a year and just recently she started to notice my flaws more often';
That is something that happens to everyone the longer that you are in a relationship, it isn't a problem it is just the fact that she is getting to know you better.
';she doesnt want me to change for her but if i dont change i may lose her and thus find myself in a paradox.';
Ask yourself about your flaws, what are they? Apparently they are serious enough where you think that you are going to lose her if you don't change some of them. Which ones? Which do you think are the most serious? Work on those ones.
';she doesn't want me to change for her';
That can mean one of two things.
1.) That she likes you for who you are and your flaws are not a big enough concern for her to worry about them. If they were she would ask you to change in order to help out your relationship.
2.) She might think that you won't be able to change them enough for her. But this is something that if it is the case then what you need to do is have a sit-down with her and only talk about your ';flaws'; and what YOU would like to do about them. You said that if you don't change some of them then you stand the risk of losing her. I think that you need to tell her that. You also need to tell her how much you love her and that you want things to work out and that you need some of her help to have things work out. When you sit down with her don't her that you want to change just to stay with her, tell her that you see this as a problem with yourself and that you want to change things to make yourself a better person. (because if I read between the lines correctly then that is what you are saying anyways, right?)
This should keep things on an even keel more or less.I am haveing relationship problems, can i get some advice?
Don't change who you are, but if there are things you can change in regard to how you treat her, then look at those things and see if they need changed or not. If she is noticing your flaws it's either because she has intimacy issues and not sure if she wants to get close, so she's sabotaging the relationship, or she there is something she is unhappy about in regard to how she feels when she is with you - if it's something about how you act with her, then look at it, but if it's something that has nothing to do with her, then you have to look at what else is going on that could be upsetting her.
if she don't like you for you then its not worth it. you need to be with someone that likes you for you, not for someone else.
';*person* and i have been dating for almost a year and just recently she started to notice my flaws more often';
That is something that happens to everyone the longer that you are in a relationship, it isn't a problem it is just the fact that she is getting to know you better.
';she doesnt want me to change for her but if i dont change i may lose her and thus find myself in a paradox.';
Ask yourself about your flaws, what are they? Apparently they are serious enough where you think that you are going to lose her if you don't change some of them. Which ones? Which do you think are the most serious? Work on those ones.
';she doesn't want me to change for her';
That can mean one of two things.
1.) That she likes you for who you are and your flaws are not a big enough concern for her to worry about them. If they were she would ask you to change in order to help out your relationship.
2.) She might think that you won't be able to change them enough for her. But this is something that if it is the case then what you need to do is have a sit-down with her and only talk about your ';flaws'; and what YOU would like to do about them. You said that if you don't change some of them then you stand the risk of losing her. I think that you need to tell her that. You also need to tell her how much you love her and that you want things to work out and that you need some of her help to have things work out. When you sit down with her don't her that you want to change just to stay with her, tell her that you see this as a problem with yourself and that you want to change things to make yourself a better person. (because if I read between the lines correctly then that is what you are saying anyways, right?)
This should keep things on an even keel more or less.I am haveing relationship problems, can i get some advice?
Don't change who you are, but if there are things you can change in regard to how you treat her, then look at those things and see if they need changed or not. If she is noticing your flaws it's either because she has intimacy issues and not sure if she wants to get close, so she's sabotaging the relationship, or she there is something she is unhappy about in regard to how she feels when she is with you - if it's something about how you act with her, then look at it, but if it's something that has nothing to do with her, then you have to look at what else is going on that could be upsetting her.
if she don't like you for you then its not worth it. you need to be with someone that likes you for you, not for someone else.
Advice: Trying to work out a relationship that's on the rocks. ( Ladies please Help)?
Tonight, I will be taking my girlfriend to dinner at Ritz-Carlton in Half Moon Bay. Our relationship has been on the rocks for the past 2 months because of my irrational tendencies such as emotional violent out breaks. Basically name calling and also behavioral problems like breaking things when I am upset.
I do know that I have MAJOR problems and seeking help for this problem. I basically grew under a father who is physically violent and abusive towards me. But, now I am paying the price from the way that my father has raised me.
My girlfriend is very disgusted and hurt with me but still picks up my calls and replies to my text messages. I have never cheated on her and never lied. But, this problem is just over bearing at this point for both of us.
I am trying to win her back before I completely lose her. She knows I am trying my best. But my best (I feel) is not good enough.
I need advice pleaseAdvice: Trying to work out a relationship that's on the rocks. ( Ladies please Help)?
Ok... First don't worry about dinner being too boring. Serious and boring may be just what is in order right at the moment.
She obviously cares for you, or she would not still be calling.
I think you are at a point in your life where you are poised for a change. You acknowledge that you have a problem and you want to fix the problem. It will be hard, but as long as you are aware of how you are acting and tell yourself to calm down and behave the way that you want to, instead of behaving the way you have in the past.
You need to explain to her, that you think your actions are inappropriate and wrong. Tell her, that with or without her, you intent to make a change in yourself. Tell her that at the very least, that past history between you two has taught you how your behavior can cost you something so dear to you as your relationship. Explain to her that you are sincere, however that this will be a tough road, with old habits to break. Explain to her how important she is to you and that you would like her to help you on your journey to your improved self.
All you can do is be humble in light of your past actions. Take ownership and responsibility for your actions.
If she decides to remain in your life, remember how lucky you are for the second chance and work that much harder to be the person that you want to be.
Changing yourself is a tough road, and a lifelong commitment. You will need to tell yourself to calm down and behave the way you know you should for the rest of your life. The good news is, telling yourself to calm down, it's no big deal, will become second nature.
Good luck, and I congratulate you on realizing your own shortcomings and your willingness to work on them.Advice: Trying to work out a relationship that's on the rocks. ( Ladies please Help)?
You certainly have your plate full. The reason she is still with you is because she loves you. Your anger is defiantly a problem that could eventually cost you your relationship with this girl. To keep her you have to show her that you have changed. I can help you make this transformation on yahoo messenger if you'd like. What you are asking cannot be solved in a a simple answer. I've helped lots of guys just like you with issues just like yours. I'm offering a free session to new members. Trust me, I've been where you have and back.
Add me David_Sexton_PhD. I can Help.
David Sexton., Relationships Expert/Author
yeah that sounds good and all..but when a woman has had enough then there is nothing you can do..obviously she cares alot for you thats why she is still around..just be the best you take your time..apprecaite her more please also try your best to workon your problems
See, going out to dinner and wining and dining is nice, but after its all done and over with the problem is STILL going to be there. The best thing in the world that you can do for her to show her that you are sincere about changing is to get into counseling and also take some anger management classes.
take her out to dinner and tell her I love you so much and this is what i am willing to do to make sure that this works and that I am able to move forward.
its a hard habit to break too. Trust me I know, and it takes a lot of counseling and a serious commitment to not continuing the cycle of abuse. and it takes TIME.
you need to take care of you and love YOU before you can do that for anyone else.
See http://www.howtodealwithabreakup.com
The best thing you can do is to treat her very very well and never ever ever be cruel to her again. She still talks to you because she has a heart. You've found a treasure in a world full of trash. Please recognize that and treat her well.
You should look for medical/counseling help. Include your g/f so she understands the process and show your committed to her and changing your behavior.
Good Luck
The Ritz Carlton in Half Moon Bay is an amazing spot. There is a great walking path along the water that leads down to the beach... I have spent some good time down there reflecting with just me and the waves... How about keeping dinner a little light and then taking a walk and getting to some of the tough topics. Let her know you care and want to know how the relationship is affecting her. Ask her what she needs to get out of the relationship and make sure you can provide those things. If you can't, than maybe it's time to take a big step back until you can.
Good luck!
wow..maybe you should be in traeting..you are really scaring me ';cerealkiller';...the other day you said you went to someone's home and beat them up..Now this....
seriously..you need help before you do something that you can not take back..Good luck on your dinner
I had an abusive stepmother (hitting, slapping, pinching, verbal abuse on a daily basis) that I had to live with after my mother died when I was 3. She had everyone convinced that I was a terrible person and they believed her.
I DID NOT grow up to be abusive. I grew up scared of my own shadow and distrustful of others. None of my relationships worked out until I was ready to admit that I needed counseling to put the demons to rest that I was not responsible for my stepmother's actions.
You need to get out of your relationship and start working on yourself. Learn to respect and love yourself first. Because you can't be healthy for someone else until you are healthy for yourself.
I did and it was only through accepting myself was I truly able to accept others.
And you know what? When you're girlfriend sees that you are ready to work on yourself and your issues, she may even stick around to be there for you.
Good Luck!
I have to TOTALLY agree with Mandi85. Just recently I went throught the same thing with my partner (I was the abusive one). Since then we have started going to church and I have made a conscious effort to change my ways. I finally did win her back, but it has taken a lot of work on my part to prove myself to her. It will never end b/c I have to constantly keep myself in check and constantly work at our relationship. Just don't rush into anything and don't expect things to change over night. Good luck!oreal
I do know that I have MAJOR problems and seeking help for this problem. I basically grew under a father who is physically violent and abusive towards me. But, now I am paying the price from the way that my father has raised me.
My girlfriend is very disgusted and hurt with me but still picks up my calls and replies to my text messages. I have never cheated on her and never lied. But, this problem is just over bearing at this point for both of us.
I am trying to win her back before I completely lose her. She knows I am trying my best. But my best (I feel) is not good enough.
I need advice pleaseAdvice: Trying to work out a relationship that's on the rocks. ( Ladies please Help)?
Ok... First don't worry about dinner being too boring. Serious and boring may be just what is in order right at the moment.
She obviously cares for you, or she would not still be calling.
I think you are at a point in your life where you are poised for a change. You acknowledge that you have a problem and you want to fix the problem. It will be hard, but as long as you are aware of how you are acting and tell yourself to calm down and behave the way that you want to, instead of behaving the way you have in the past.
You need to explain to her, that you think your actions are inappropriate and wrong. Tell her, that with or without her, you intent to make a change in yourself. Tell her that at the very least, that past history between you two has taught you how your behavior can cost you something so dear to you as your relationship. Explain to her that you are sincere, however that this will be a tough road, with old habits to break. Explain to her how important she is to you and that you would like her to help you on your journey to your improved self.
All you can do is be humble in light of your past actions. Take ownership and responsibility for your actions.
If she decides to remain in your life, remember how lucky you are for the second chance and work that much harder to be the person that you want to be.
Changing yourself is a tough road, and a lifelong commitment. You will need to tell yourself to calm down and behave the way you know you should for the rest of your life. The good news is, telling yourself to calm down, it's no big deal, will become second nature.
Good luck, and I congratulate you on realizing your own shortcomings and your willingness to work on them.Advice: Trying to work out a relationship that's on the rocks. ( Ladies please Help)?
You certainly have your plate full. The reason she is still with you is because she loves you. Your anger is defiantly a problem that could eventually cost you your relationship with this girl. To keep her you have to show her that you have changed. I can help you make this transformation on yahoo messenger if you'd like. What you are asking cannot be solved in a a simple answer. I've helped lots of guys just like you with issues just like yours. I'm offering a free session to new members. Trust me, I've been where you have and back.
Add me David_Sexton_PhD. I can Help.
David Sexton., Relationships Expert/Author
yeah that sounds good and all..but when a woman has had enough then there is nothing you can do..obviously she cares alot for you thats why she is still around..just be the best you take your time..apprecaite her more please also try your best to workon your problems
See, going out to dinner and wining and dining is nice, but after its all done and over with the problem is STILL going to be there. The best thing in the world that you can do for her to show her that you are sincere about changing is to get into counseling and also take some anger management classes.
take her out to dinner and tell her I love you so much and this is what i am willing to do to make sure that this works and that I am able to move forward.
its a hard habit to break too. Trust me I know, and it takes a lot of counseling and a serious commitment to not continuing the cycle of abuse. and it takes TIME.
you need to take care of you and love YOU before you can do that for anyone else.
See http://www.howtodealwithabreakup.com
The best thing you can do is to treat her very very well and never ever ever be cruel to her again. She still talks to you because she has a heart. You've found a treasure in a world full of trash. Please recognize that and treat her well.
You should look for medical/counseling help. Include your g/f so she understands the process and show your committed to her and changing your behavior.
Good Luck
The Ritz Carlton in Half Moon Bay is an amazing spot. There is a great walking path along the water that leads down to the beach... I have spent some good time down there reflecting with just me and the waves... How about keeping dinner a little light and then taking a walk and getting to some of the tough topics. Let her know you care and want to know how the relationship is affecting her. Ask her what she needs to get out of the relationship and make sure you can provide those things. If you can't, than maybe it's time to take a big step back until you can.
Good luck!
wow..maybe you should be in traeting..you are really scaring me ';cerealkiller';...the other day you said you went to someone's home and beat them up..Now this....
seriously..you need help before you do something that you can not take back..Good luck on your dinner
I had an abusive stepmother (hitting, slapping, pinching, verbal abuse on a daily basis) that I had to live with after my mother died when I was 3. She had everyone convinced that I was a terrible person and they believed her.
I DID NOT grow up to be abusive. I grew up scared of my own shadow and distrustful of others. None of my relationships worked out until I was ready to admit that I needed counseling to put the demons to rest that I was not responsible for my stepmother's actions.
You need to get out of your relationship and start working on yourself. Learn to respect and love yourself first. Because you can't be healthy for someone else until you are healthy for yourself.
I did and it was only through accepting myself was I truly able to accept others.
And you know what? When you're girlfriend sees that you are ready to work on yourself and your issues, she may even stick around to be there for you.
Good Luck!
I have to TOTALLY agree with Mandi85. Just recently I went throught the same thing with my partner (I was the abusive one). Since then we have started going to church and I have made a conscious effort to change my ways. I finally did win her back, but it has taken a lot of work on my part to prove myself to her. It will never end b/c I have to constantly keep myself in check and constantly work at our relationship. Just don't rush into anything and don't expect things to change over night. Good luck!
ADVICE PLEASE... Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
Guys,I need more feed back %26amp; your honest opinion on this.please read below -it's about my friend who is like a sis to me. Emotionally she is not doing well because of this realtionship issue %26amp; sadly she has this tendency of taking everyone's blame even when it's not her fault %26amp; beating herself up emotionally.I think she might've some real confidence issues here which she herself not aware of %26amp; I think she needs help.
My friend is a very kind,intelligent %26amp; very caring woman.She has been in love with this man for 2 years %26amp;He says he loves her too.she has always been there for him as a friend %26amp; lover showring him with constant love %26amp; care unconditionally.But it seems this man has some serious problems - practically he has never been there for her even as a FRIEND from DAY ONE when she needed him %26amp; has ZERO contribution to this relationship.All he had ever done has only to say he loves her very much. He would ask her to email him, to show her care for him %26amp; she does care for him a lot..ADVICE PLEASE... Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
Your friend is in a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP.... everything you described is emotional abuse... and she won't be able to get out of the relationship unless you help her see what he is doing... they can't get married because it won't stop... toxic people do not think they are in the wrong and always turn everything around to be the victims fault... your friend obviously will have hectic low esteem after years of this abuse... and needs to break off this relationship asap for her own mental well-being.... NO ONE deserves this type of treatment and its great that she has someone like you ooking out for her... its important to make her see (without alienating her) that he is not good for her... he is like a parasite sucking all the joy, love and confidence out of her... sit down and talk to her... tell her that you are saying these things as a friend and maybe if it feels ok show her this posting/question she can see that you're not the only one who thinks that her being with him is a bad idea... and maybe seeing all the things he does written down in 1 place will open her eyes... if she continues she will lose herself completely and that would be very sad to see... I was in a very mild version of this a few years ago and I saved myself from further emotional damage by cutting him out of my life... there are unfortuantely lots of TOXIC people out there and they can be quite subtle... even people who think they're strong can be sucked into their manipulations... I really hope that your friend can do this, and that you can be a good support to her!ADVICE PLEASE... Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
There are so many RED FLAGS. He has a definite attitude problem, anger problem, controlling people problem. He is not worth even one more second of her time! At All!! She needs to tell him to take a long walk off a short pier-or something. She may need to get a restraining order on him too. And, she needs to go to counseling, to figure out why she feels the way she does about this guy, and to improve her self-esteem. She needs a much better guy than this one. She needs a man-real one-the kind that will love and protect, and be there for her-be as equal in love and affection as possible for her. Take care.
When you believe that you are in love.... you get blinded.... it dont matter who tells you what about the guy that you are in 'love' with... I think she needs to stop wasting her time on this so call relationship that seems like it is only a one way relationship and find someone who will love her for her.... give her the time and day.... this 'relationship' is going to make her very bitter to the next guy BUT i truely believe if she gets out of it, it will be better in the long run..... Sounds like he is in controll of her right now... tell her to snap out of it before it is too late.... good luck and try your best to tell her your feelings....
Her issue: she is extremely co-dependent and that is almost impossible to change. She will only leave him when she's fed up with his garbage and that can take a LONG time. Nothing you can do there.
His issue: He is an incurable narcissistic user who likes having her in his pocket to take out and irritate and lecture and demand and verbally assualt, like someone did to him as a child. He is incurable and will never change because her personality won't demand it or leave him.
Tell her to read up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and passive aggressive behavior. It's a kick in the head and it's all true. Message boards are much better than clinical sites. She'll recognize him in the writings.
But don't pester her to leave him - she won't.
Aww...I think you're a very good and caring friend. Now about them, he is being ignorant and immature. It seems like he's using her. I don't think he loves her the way she loves him. And in a relationship, it's suppose to go both ways in order to work out. If he's doing certain things in front of her face, he doesn't respect her feelings. That's not right.
Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, for some people. Possibly he's jealous of you, even though you feel like a brother and sister, but he doesn't want to admit it.
She should leave him. Tell her to be strong. And realize what he is doing to her is not right and caring.....
Weird, no. Abusive, yes. Don't be fooled, your friend is currently in an abusive relationship. She needs to get this man out of her life before he drags her down too low to get back out. You need to act now. Do whatever it takes to make your friend see the light, take her to a counselling session and explain your fears to her so she can respond and learn how to be strong and independant from that jerk. What he's doing isn't love, it's emotional abuse and your friend needs your help.
Sounds like your friend is in a real mess... sorry to hear that.
I've seen this over and over through the years, mostly I think it is learned behavior, seen it in people close to her growing up, did it in earlier relationships, etc. In counseling I believe they call it ';the awkward dance';
Say you take two people, tell them to stand up, back to back, lock arms, and then dance... it would be really awkward but after a couple of years it wouldn't be. In fact it would be quite easy to do the '; awkward dance'; and even harder at this time to dance normal.
It would take effort on both their parts to learn to dance again and it doesn't sound like she has a willing partner.
Your friend needs counseling, if not together with her b/f, on her own or both.
Your friend should not let ANYONE own her emotions.
';Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option';
Another thing, the more you and everyone else tries to needle her into leaving, Rag on him, put him down the more she will stick up for him, pick him up, etc. and ultimately believe her own crap!
My friend is a very kind,intelligent %26amp; very caring woman.She has been in love with this man for 2 years %26amp;He says he loves her too.she has always been there for him as a friend %26amp; lover showring him with constant love %26amp; care unconditionally.But it seems this man has some serious problems - practically he has never been there for her even as a FRIEND from DAY ONE when she needed him %26amp; has ZERO contribution to this relationship.All he had ever done has only to say he loves her very much. He would ask her to email him, to show her care for him %26amp; she does care for him a lot..ADVICE PLEASE... Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
Your friend is in a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP.... everything you described is emotional abuse... and she won't be able to get out of the relationship unless you help her see what he is doing... they can't get married because it won't stop... toxic people do not think they are in the wrong and always turn everything around to be the victims fault... your friend obviously will have hectic low esteem after years of this abuse... and needs to break off this relationship asap for her own mental well-being.... NO ONE deserves this type of treatment and its great that she has someone like you ooking out for her... its important to make her see (without alienating her) that he is not good for her... he is like a parasite sucking all the joy, love and confidence out of her... sit down and talk to her... tell her that you are saying these things as a friend and maybe if it feels ok show her this posting/question she can see that you're not the only one who thinks that her being with him is a bad idea... and maybe seeing all the things he does written down in 1 place will open her eyes... if she continues she will lose herself completely and that would be very sad to see... I was in a very mild version of this a few years ago and I saved myself from further emotional damage by cutting him out of my life... there are unfortuantely lots of TOXIC people out there and they can be quite subtle... even people who think they're strong can be sucked into their manipulations... I really hope that your friend can do this, and that you can be a good support to her!ADVICE PLEASE... Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
There are so many RED FLAGS. He has a definite attitude problem, anger problem, controlling people problem. He is not worth even one more second of her time! At All!! She needs to tell him to take a long walk off a short pier-or something. She may need to get a restraining order on him too. And, she needs to go to counseling, to figure out why she feels the way she does about this guy, and to improve her self-esteem. She needs a much better guy than this one. She needs a man-real one-the kind that will love and protect, and be there for her-be as equal in love and affection as possible for her. Take care.
When you believe that you are in love.... you get blinded.... it dont matter who tells you what about the guy that you are in 'love' with... I think she needs to stop wasting her time on this so call relationship that seems like it is only a one way relationship and find someone who will love her for her.... give her the time and day.... this 'relationship' is going to make her very bitter to the next guy BUT i truely believe if she gets out of it, it will be better in the long run..... Sounds like he is in controll of her right now... tell her to snap out of it before it is too late.... good luck and try your best to tell her your feelings....
Her issue: she is extremely co-dependent and that is almost impossible to change. She will only leave him when she's fed up with his garbage and that can take a LONG time. Nothing you can do there.
His issue: He is an incurable narcissistic user who likes having her in his pocket to take out and irritate and lecture and demand and verbally assualt, like someone did to him as a child. He is incurable and will never change because her personality won't demand it or leave him.
Tell her to read up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and passive aggressive behavior. It's a kick in the head and it's all true. Message boards are much better than clinical sites. She'll recognize him in the writings.
But don't pester her to leave him - she won't.
Aww...I think you're a very good and caring friend. Now about them, he is being ignorant and immature. It seems like he's using her. I don't think he loves her the way she loves him. And in a relationship, it's suppose to go both ways in order to work out. If he's doing certain things in front of her face, he doesn't respect her feelings. That's not right.
Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, for some people. Possibly he's jealous of you, even though you feel like a brother and sister, but he doesn't want to admit it.
She should leave him. Tell her to be strong. And realize what he is doing to her is not right and caring.....
Weird, no. Abusive, yes. Don't be fooled, your friend is currently in an abusive relationship. She needs to get this man out of her life before he drags her down too low to get back out. You need to act now. Do whatever it takes to make your friend see the light, take her to a counselling session and explain your fears to her so she can respond and learn how to be strong and independant from that jerk. What he's doing isn't love, it's emotional abuse and your friend needs your help.
Sounds like your friend is in a real mess... sorry to hear that.
I've seen this over and over through the years, mostly I think it is learned behavior, seen it in people close to her growing up, did it in earlier relationships, etc. In counseling I believe they call it ';the awkward dance';
Say you take two people, tell them to stand up, back to back, lock arms, and then dance... it would be really awkward but after a couple of years it wouldn't be. In fact it would be quite easy to do the '; awkward dance'; and even harder at this time to dance normal.
It would take effort on both their parts to learn to dance again and it doesn't sound like she has a willing partner.
Your friend needs counseling, if not together with her b/f, on her own or both.
Your friend should not let ANYONE own her emotions.
';Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option';
Another thing, the more you and everyone else tries to needle her into leaving, Rag on him, put him down the more she will stick up for him, pick him up, etc. and ultimately believe her own crap!
Can anyone here on this Forum give me some advice about a long distant relationship ?
Hi there. My girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for about 1 year. We met online, yes. And have
not met just yet. But will this fall..... But the ride has been
anything that a person could dream about. Moments that
we share are priceless. But we have decided to start
seeing other people, until that time comes. Only for a little
while...... So what do you think ? Should we keep on going ?
She still contacts me every other day, after she said
she wanted a break. But she still loves me so much, and
I love her. Can you give me any advice about this relationship ? Thank you very much.Can anyone here on this Forum give me some advice about a long distant relationship ?
Yes, long distant relationship is really not an easy thing, it need both of you keep more strong trust to each other, and be honest and faithful to each other, Stick to each other...
Try to make a chance to meet each other in person will improve your relationship. Don't give up so early, online relationship is the same as real, just more difficult and with distant, the internet is just the place and way let you meet each other, but I believe there is also your fate to meet each other and fall in love with eachother too....
Love is no conditions, it comes from natural and it comes from your hearts attracted by each other.....
Try to understand each other and do more communications to make a plan to meet in person, let the love dream coming true asap!!
Good Luck!Can anyone here on this Forum give me some advice about a long distant relationship ?
Long distance relationships (LDRs) don't have a great track record. The inability to share life experiences and the shared bodily warmth that comes with physical proximity cannot be duplicated or even imagined.
A long time ago I was in love and facing the possibility of an LDR. I said no. I uprooted my life and moved to where she went to school. A little less than 5 years later, we got married. I knew no fear and love is and was the best motivator in the world.
Well since sex usually complicates things you might have a chance. Just be friends until you can actually get together. I personally can not do long-distance. I love to cuddle and be with the person I love. you are setting down the foundation for something that could be amazing.
Hello. I understand you didn't see her yet. Well, it's very easy to love someone from a distance, because you tend to get idealistic. The hard part is to get together for real.
On the other side, a man is worthless if he's no there when a woman needs him.
IMO, Long relationships just dont work, there has to be like an insurmountable amount of trust and honestly considering todays society, woman are more promiscuous than ever, be careful out there guy.
Generally long distance relationships are very difficult to have. Not being able to see the person face to face is rough in a relationship . Good luck
It could develop into a very rewarding, lifelong friendship.
How can you say it is LOVE if you didn't even met jet??? I think that's even more unrealistic than a long distant relationship that works fine.
I say either go to her or make a nice welcome place for her to come to. if you love her then you will not want her far from you at any time
Unless one of you move, there will not be a happy ending..................you might be the exception.........
What are you goals for this relationship? How much distance is between you two? Is either of you willing to move to be closer?
Online is a great way to meet people. I met my husband online 7 years ago. We met in person after 5 months of talking and then he moved to my city. Online relationships can be tricky though. Because people tend to put their best self forward in new relationships, it can be difficult to asses a persons true compatibility unless both are completely open, honest, and exposed - it is way more that just having an emotional connection.
There is a reason she wanted a break. Wait until you see each other this fall and then you both can determine where you want the relationship to go. It is very difficult to be in a relationship with someone that you have not actually met with in real life. When you do actually meet, being in a relationship with someone whom you don't see often can be a very stressful thing on the relationship.
Im going to be honest with you ok
if you really love each other then why would you give up on this relationship????
No matter what all relationships are difficult because you have to work on things and keep things going no matter how hard it gets.... I know what your talking about its really tricky sometimes because you cant see them and its not an easy relationship since your both far away I met this really nice guy on line and his in the army so his over in Iraq I haven鈥檛 met him yet but his coming home soon therefore were going on a date when he comes back but he acts more of a boyfriend then a friend but if I known that he loved me and if I known that I loved him then I would work something out and I wouldn鈥檛 want to be with anyone else then him 鈥 really think you should just met each other first!!!!! and see if you like her in person and then see if you want things to work out later on and then just go from there but until you met her and see her then just see how you feel then think ???about how you guys can be together and if its meant to be then it will work out just be positive!!!!! and just go slow ok sweetheart Im just being straightforward with you Good Luck and God Bless and I hope things work out for you!!! But if you love her don鈥檛 give up because you may regret it later on!!!!
i must admit, i had a similar experience, for about 5 months, i was talking to this guy, who id never met, he was just one of my friends friends who id got his contact from... anyway, we got on so well, words cant describe it... and we finally admitted out feelings for each other, it was so sweet and romantic, everything besides actually meeting up with them that is, and for reasons we werent able to meet up while we were 'together'...
if i we you i would try and stick at it if i were you.
my relationship with this guy went all wrong because his life went haywire, and he just couldnt cope, and he pushed every close to him away from him, especially me.... he finally came round, and decided to talk, but its never been the same... 4 months on, we only talk about once a week, and it was heart breaking for both of us... ill always wonder... what if?
so, if i were you, i would just try and do the right thing. if you think that seeing other people might break you appart, then dont do it. personally, i think if you both love each other enough, you will wait for each other...
hope it goes well :)
Wow, I met my husband on-line 9 years ago. I would never suggest seeing other people until which time you can be together. Is there any reason why you have to wait to see one another? My suggestion would be to arrange to meet sooner. I know how it is getting to know one another from afar, as long as you are both 100% honest with each other, the time you spend together actually works out to be greater than if you date in a traditional sense. I've been married to my husband for 8 years, and I consider us to still be newly weds. We are extremely happy, however once we were together we NEVER stopped communicating! Communication is the key, continuous and honest communication. Try to see her, or her see you. I believe that this little break could be her way of letting you down easily, or she may feel that she'll never get to see you so why not take the break! Find her, whisper you love her, and never let her go!
Good Luck
You are aware, of course that you have opened yourself up to ridicule in this forum. Don't let the negativity of those who've never experienced what you have with your girl taint you!
Also, if you love her, and she loves you, yes, go for it!
not met just yet. But will this fall..... But the ride has been
anything that a person could dream about. Moments that
we share are priceless. But we have decided to start
seeing other people, until that time comes. Only for a little
while...... So what do you think ? Should we keep on going ?
She still contacts me every other day, after she said
she wanted a break. But she still loves me so much, and
I love her. Can you give me any advice about this relationship ? Thank you very much.Can anyone here on this Forum give me some advice about a long distant relationship ?
Yes, long distant relationship is really not an easy thing, it need both of you keep more strong trust to each other, and be honest and faithful to each other, Stick to each other...
Try to make a chance to meet each other in person will improve your relationship. Don't give up so early, online relationship is the same as real, just more difficult and with distant, the internet is just the place and way let you meet each other, but I believe there is also your fate to meet each other and fall in love with eachother too....
Love is no conditions, it comes from natural and it comes from your hearts attracted by each other.....
Try to understand each other and do more communications to make a plan to meet in person, let the love dream coming true asap!!
Good Luck!Can anyone here on this Forum give me some advice about a long distant relationship ?
Long distance relationships (LDRs) don't have a great track record. The inability to share life experiences and the shared bodily warmth that comes with physical proximity cannot be duplicated or even imagined.
A long time ago I was in love and facing the possibility of an LDR. I said no. I uprooted my life and moved to where she went to school. A little less than 5 years later, we got married. I knew no fear and love is and was the best motivator in the world.
Well since sex usually complicates things you might have a chance. Just be friends until you can actually get together. I personally can not do long-distance. I love to cuddle and be with the person I love. you are setting down the foundation for something that could be amazing.
Hello. I understand you didn't see her yet. Well, it's very easy to love someone from a distance, because you tend to get idealistic. The hard part is to get together for real.
On the other side, a man is worthless if he's no there when a woman needs him.
IMO, Long relationships just dont work, there has to be like an insurmountable amount of trust and honestly considering todays society, woman are more promiscuous than ever, be careful out there guy.
Generally long distance relationships are very difficult to have. Not being able to see the person face to face is rough in a relationship . Good luck
It could develop into a very rewarding, lifelong friendship.
How can you say it is LOVE if you didn't even met jet??? I think that's even more unrealistic than a long distant relationship that works fine.
I say either go to her or make a nice welcome place for her to come to. if you love her then you will not want her far from you at any time
Unless one of you move, there will not be a happy ending..................you might be the exception.........
What are you goals for this relationship? How much distance is between you two? Is either of you willing to move to be closer?
Online is a great way to meet people. I met my husband online 7 years ago. We met in person after 5 months of talking and then he moved to my city. Online relationships can be tricky though. Because people tend to put their best self forward in new relationships, it can be difficult to asses a persons true compatibility unless both are completely open, honest, and exposed - it is way more that just having an emotional connection.
There is a reason she wanted a break. Wait until you see each other this fall and then you both can determine where you want the relationship to go. It is very difficult to be in a relationship with someone that you have not actually met with in real life. When you do actually meet, being in a relationship with someone whom you don't see often can be a very stressful thing on the relationship.
Im going to be honest with you ok
if you really love each other then why would you give up on this relationship????
No matter what all relationships are difficult because you have to work on things and keep things going no matter how hard it gets.... I know what your talking about its really tricky sometimes because you cant see them and its not an easy relationship since your both far away I met this really nice guy on line and his in the army so his over in Iraq I haven鈥檛 met him yet but his coming home soon therefore were going on a date when he comes back but he acts more of a boyfriend then a friend but if I known that he loved me and if I known that I loved him then I would work something out and I wouldn鈥檛 want to be with anyone else then him 鈥 really think you should just met each other first!!!!! and see if you like her in person and then see if you want things to work out later on and then just go from there but until you met her and see her then just see how you feel then think ???about how you guys can be together and if its meant to be then it will work out just be positive!!!!! and just go slow ok sweetheart Im just being straightforward with you Good Luck and God Bless and I hope things work out for you!!! But if you love her don鈥檛 give up because you may regret it later on!!!!
i must admit, i had a similar experience, for about 5 months, i was talking to this guy, who id never met, he was just one of my friends friends who id got his contact from... anyway, we got on so well, words cant describe it... and we finally admitted out feelings for each other, it was so sweet and romantic, everything besides actually meeting up with them that is, and for reasons we werent able to meet up while we were 'together'...
if i we you i would try and stick at it if i were you.
my relationship with this guy went all wrong because his life went haywire, and he just couldnt cope, and he pushed every close to him away from him, especially me.... he finally came round, and decided to talk, but its never been the same... 4 months on, we only talk about once a week, and it was heart breaking for both of us... ill always wonder... what if?
so, if i were you, i would just try and do the right thing. if you think that seeing other people might break you appart, then dont do it. personally, i think if you both love each other enough, you will wait for each other...
hope it goes well :)
Wow, I met my husband on-line 9 years ago. I would never suggest seeing other people until which time you can be together. Is there any reason why you have to wait to see one another? My suggestion would be to arrange to meet sooner. I know how it is getting to know one another from afar, as long as you are both 100% honest with each other, the time you spend together actually works out to be greater than if you date in a traditional sense. I've been married to my husband for 8 years, and I consider us to still be newly weds. We are extremely happy, however once we were together we NEVER stopped communicating! Communication is the key, continuous and honest communication. Try to see her, or her see you. I believe that this little break could be her way of letting you down easily, or she may feel that she'll never get to see you so why not take the break! Find her, whisper you love her, and never let her go!
Good Luck
You are aware, of course that you have opened yourself up to ridicule in this forum. Don't let the negativity of those who've never experienced what you have with your girl taint you!
Also, if you love her, and she loves you, yes, go for it!
ADVICE PLEASE...Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
I've a friend-she very kind,intelligent %26amp; a very caring woman.She is vin love with this man for 2 years %26amp;He says he loves her too.she has always been there for him as a friend %26amp; lover showring him with constant love %26amp; care unconditionally.But it seems this man has some serious problems - practically he has never been there for her even as a FRIEND from DAY ONE when she needed him %26amp; has ZERO contribution to this relationship.All he had ever done has only to say he loves her very much. He would ask her to email him, show her care for him and she does care for him a lot but she still gets blamed %26amp; worse yet he never does the same for her not even when she was terribly ill not even dropping a few lines for mere courtesy. This man is EXTREMELY Arrogant and has an INCURABLE and IRRATIONAL Stubbornness.needless to say he is a control freak too.But he never admits or recognizes his own problems but blames my friend for everything.And it hurts.To make it even worst my friend found Him .....ADVICE PLEASE...Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
i wouldnt say its ';weird'; ..its actually quite common.. i have dated a guy like that before. she obviously fell in love with the person that he pretended to be in the beginning and he obviously has some issues within himself that he needs to resolve before being with anyone in a relationship. he is seeking attention online and blames everything on your friend to make himself feel better. the same happened with the ex i am referring to. he would always blame me for everything - whether i was right or wrong.. would get EXTREMELY jealous and angry when i would even acknowledge another guy's presence, but at the same time would do whatever he pleased. it is quite obvious that this guy is a self-centered jerk. the only thing that you can really do is let your friend know how you see things from the outside and talk to her and try to get her to tell you how she sees things from the inside. having experienced a similar situation, my guess is that she wont take your advice to break things off with him right away.. as i never listened to my friends either although they ended up being right in the end.. girls in these relationships have fallen for the person they first met when the relationship first began and was good.. that short period of time that he pretended to be someone that he truly isnt. let your friend know that there are PLENTY of guys who would LOVE to treat her like a princess and shower her with love and affection and carry their weight in the relationship. she shouldnt settle. she should cut her losses now before things get worse and she becomes even more attached. and once she leaves him if he somehow DOES really care about her, he will change and prove that to her and then she can make a clear-minded decision after seeing things from your point of view. then again she may find the love of her life before he has a chance to do so.. his loss, not hers.ADVICE PLEASE...Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
Your friend needs her confidence restored. I bet the only reason why she is with this man is because she feels she is not worthy of anyone better. Show her all that she has to offer and help empower her to gain the self worth to leave this man. It will only end badly and I don't think your friend should continue with someone that is controlling and manipulative.
no
You should really encourage your friend to get away from this clown before she gets hurt. This kind of controlling, one-sided relationship very often becomes physically violent when the dominant person doesn't get their way. Get her out of there!
the guy sounds like a jerk, your friend sounds like she's got insecurity issues and that's why she's putting up with his nonsense...being devoted doesn't just mean your faithful when in sight and on mind, it's the whole picture...if jerko gets upset when his gf is talking to another guy, that means he's insecure and he's getting uptight coz he's feeling threatened and will say : i'm being disrespected..well, hon, it works both ways!!! bling bling bling! either you stop putting expectations on someone else if you can't bide your end or let her do what you're doing..well in this case, i am referring to this guy...
if he's arrogant and a pompous ***, then he will be blamin others and playing the victim card...she's gotta get out while she can, he's doing her a favor: letting her go so she can move onto someone that will appreciate her and take care of her and love her!
Haha... I think you should intro her to me. I m still single for god sake. Anyway, this relationship ain't going far. As a guy myself, that fellow is a utterly disgrace to me. I strongly suggest that your gal friend stop seeing that ';boyfriend'; as in stopping each other forever. Even if bum into each other on the street, do not call him. Now let analys his mind, i dun think he is looking for a true relationship. He is just out for fun. And your friend is someone who in this case willingly to let him ';play';. That fellow practically dun love or like your friend. You know humans are like that when there is free one just take. asking your friend to email him etc maybe to show off to his other friends that he is very pop among others. This type of guy is no good...
I have got a friend, her husband and her husband's family is really bad, i listen to her story till i really drop tears.... i m serious..!!! Now they are seperated.. If i know her three yr ago.. i dun think she would even marry to this guy or even date with this guy. If you or your friend wan to hear her story email me.
All in all, your friend should really get over with this guy. Never contact him again.
nope
She picked him, and she stays with him.
Support her when she needs it. Its all you can do
I am sorry for your friend. He's a control freak. I am certain she is kind, but she is too pleasing which could lead me to believe she has self-confidence issues.
It is not an ok relationship but is common. As a friend, just boost her confidence, don't advise too much, and be a good ear to her when she needs you. She may get the picture that where she is, is not healthy for her.
I think both of you know the answer. This will never be a functional, loving relationship if SHE isn't comfortable with his behavior. It sounds like he doesn't respect her and they haven't set agreeable boundaries in their relationship.
Not to take sides, but she is allowing this behavior to continue %26amp; he's going to keep taking from her. He's found the Perfect girl for himself. He doesn't need to reciprocate the love she's yearning for and he never will. She needs to find someone who makes her happy and can respect her needs and desires. NOT someone who's going to suck her emotional well dry.
That's my take. Sorry if its blunt, but this relationship WILL NOT get better with marriage...by that time she'll be ';trained'; to do exactly what he wants and expect nothing in return.
yeah it sounds wierd, but you should mind your own business really, and worry about wat is going on in your own backyard.
yes, and she should dump him. there's gotta be someone out there who really cares for her. Someone who wants her to be happy. Someonelike...you.
she should leave him out in the cold.
what a moron, doing that to her.
yes, its weird.
her loving isnt bad, even arrogant jerks need to be loved.
but there is a point where you have to say..
am i going to stay here and get walked on?
continue to let my heart take a beating?
or am i going to find somebody who will love me in return?
if hes a control freak, the symptoms hes showing with your friend about not caring and not showing he loves her its an illness. not just being stubborn, his illness does not allow him. until he gets help he will not be able to show anyone his emotions. people like him are like that because of past experiences or traumas. help this person get professional help...try to make him see what he is doign without blaming him directly.
';[mans name] how awesome is it to have a girl like [your friends name]. she cares a lot you know. she even does [action] for you! what'd you do for her back?';- if you were to tell him this or put someone up to tell him eventually he will see what he is doing..and with professional help he can change.
GOOD LUCK!
definately not. The relationship will unfortunately probably end violntly and i hate to see that happen....
i wouldnt say its ';weird'; ..its actually quite common.. i have dated a guy like that before. she obviously fell in love with the person that he pretended to be in the beginning and he obviously has some issues within himself that he needs to resolve before being with anyone in a relationship. he is seeking attention online and blames everything on your friend to make himself feel better. the same happened with the ex i am referring to. he would always blame me for everything - whether i was right or wrong.. would get EXTREMELY jealous and angry when i would even acknowledge another guy's presence, but at the same time would do whatever he pleased. it is quite obvious that this guy is a self-centered jerk. the only thing that you can really do is let your friend know how you see things from the outside and talk to her and try to get her to tell you how she sees things from the inside. having experienced a similar situation, my guess is that she wont take your advice to break things off with him right away.. as i never listened to my friends either although they ended up being right in the end.. girls in these relationships have fallen for the person they first met when the relationship first began and was good.. that short period of time that he pretended to be someone that he truly isnt. let your friend know that there are PLENTY of guys who would LOVE to treat her like a princess and shower her with love and affection and carry their weight in the relationship. she shouldnt settle. she should cut her losses now before things get worse and she becomes even more attached. and once she leaves him if he somehow DOES really care about her, he will change and prove that to her and then she can make a clear-minded decision after seeing things from your point of view. then again she may find the love of her life before he has a chance to do so.. his loss, not hers.ADVICE PLEASE...Do you THINK this relationship is okay ???
Your friend needs her confidence restored. I bet the only reason why she is with this man is because she feels she is not worthy of anyone better. Show her all that she has to offer and help empower her to gain the self worth to leave this man. It will only end badly and I don't think your friend should continue with someone that is controlling and manipulative.
no
You should really encourage your friend to get away from this clown before she gets hurt. This kind of controlling, one-sided relationship very often becomes physically violent when the dominant person doesn't get their way. Get her out of there!
the guy sounds like a jerk, your friend sounds like she's got insecurity issues and that's why she's putting up with his nonsense...being devoted doesn't just mean your faithful when in sight and on mind, it's the whole picture...if jerko gets upset when his gf is talking to another guy, that means he's insecure and he's getting uptight coz he's feeling threatened and will say : i'm being disrespected..well, hon, it works both ways!!! bling bling bling! either you stop putting expectations on someone else if you can't bide your end or let her do what you're doing..well in this case, i am referring to this guy...
if he's arrogant and a pompous ***, then he will be blamin others and playing the victim card...she's gotta get out while she can, he's doing her a favor: letting her go so she can move onto someone that will appreciate her and take care of her and love her!
Haha... I think you should intro her to me. I m still single for god sake. Anyway, this relationship ain't going far. As a guy myself, that fellow is a utterly disgrace to me. I strongly suggest that your gal friend stop seeing that ';boyfriend'; as in stopping each other forever. Even if bum into each other on the street, do not call him. Now let analys his mind, i dun think he is looking for a true relationship. He is just out for fun. And your friend is someone who in this case willingly to let him ';play';. That fellow practically dun love or like your friend. You know humans are like that when there is free one just take. asking your friend to email him etc maybe to show off to his other friends that he is very pop among others. This type of guy is no good...
I have got a friend, her husband and her husband's family is really bad, i listen to her story till i really drop tears.... i m serious..!!! Now they are seperated.. If i know her three yr ago.. i dun think she would even marry to this guy or even date with this guy. If you or your friend wan to hear her story email me.
All in all, your friend should really get over with this guy. Never contact him again.
nope
She picked him, and she stays with him.
Support her when she needs it. Its all you can do
I am sorry for your friend. He's a control freak. I am certain she is kind, but she is too pleasing which could lead me to believe she has self-confidence issues.
It is not an ok relationship but is common. As a friend, just boost her confidence, don't advise too much, and be a good ear to her when she needs you. She may get the picture that where she is, is not healthy for her.
I think both of you know the answer. This will never be a functional, loving relationship if SHE isn't comfortable with his behavior. It sounds like he doesn't respect her and they haven't set agreeable boundaries in their relationship.
Not to take sides, but she is allowing this behavior to continue %26amp; he's going to keep taking from her. He's found the Perfect girl for himself. He doesn't need to reciprocate the love she's yearning for and he never will. She needs to find someone who makes her happy and can respect her needs and desires. NOT someone who's going to suck her emotional well dry.
That's my take. Sorry if its blunt, but this relationship WILL NOT get better with marriage...by that time she'll be ';trained'; to do exactly what he wants and expect nothing in return.
yeah it sounds wierd, but you should mind your own business really, and worry about wat is going on in your own backyard.
yes, and she should dump him. there's gotta be someone out there who really cares for her. Someone who wants her to be happy. Someonelike...you.
she should leave him out in the cold.
what a moron, doing that to her.
yes, its weird.
her loving isnt bad, even arrogant jerks need to be loved.
but there is a point where you have to say..
am i going to stay here and get walked on?
continue to let my heart take a beating?
or am i going to find somebody who will love me in return?
if hes a control freak, the symptoms hes showing with your friend about not caring and not showing he loves her its an illness. not just being stubborn, his illness does not allow him. until he gets help he will not be able to show anyone his emotions. people like him are like that because of past experiences or traumas. help this person get professional help...try to make him see what he is doign without blaming him directly.
';[mans name] how awesome is it to have a girl like [your friends name]. she cares a lot you know. she even does [action] for you! what'd you do for her back?';- if you were to tell him this or put someone up to tell him eventually he will see what he is doing..and with professional help he can change.
GOOD LUCK!
definately not. The relationship will unfortunately probably end violntly and i hate to see that happen....
Too serious relationship? read the details. i need advice from someone mature?
i'm 17. i have a BF. i'm his 1st GF. the relationship has been going for 1 month. but all he talks about are the future; marriage, kids, and how he wants to be w/ me FOREVER...frankly, these scare me. we even had some arguments about the amount of kids we want. he wants one. i don't want any. my opinion makes him sulks: ';this is going to be a problem in the future';.
i'm only 17, i should be hang out w/ friends, studying, exploring the world, not thinking SERIOUSLY about how many kids i want to have! i'm not mature enough to think about that! i need my space!
i expected this relationship to be a light, fun one, but he's too different from me. for him, a relationship should be ended by a marriage. but for me, it's not always like that.
i still want to know how it feels to be a single adult woman. i want to explore the world freely!
i can't stand these things...make me lose all my feelings to him in a short period of time! should i break up with him NOW? yet i'm afraid hurting him...Too serious relationship? read the details. i need advice from someone mature?
The fact that you realize you're too young to be in a serious relationship is actually a pretty mature attitude, and if you're his first girlfriend then its natural that he would get very attached and be thinking about his ';future with you';. I'm not saying that you should break up with him immediately, but you should definitely talk to him about the way that you're feeling and the sooner the better because the longer you wait, the harder it will be on both of you. Nobody likes to hurt someone they care about, but if you're not happy when you're with him then you need to be fair to yourself and to him. You're his first girlfriend and he'll realize soon enough that there will be others.
Hope this helps, best of luck! :)Too serious relationship? read the details. i need advice from someone mature?
I would break up with him if i was you. It seems your on different paths it will hurt him of course but staying with him longer will only hurt him more the sooner the better i say. you have already said you want to know what it is like to be a single woman so that means that you will break up with him anyway so why not now?
I think you should break up with him now IF after you talk to him about your feelings he still feels the same way about relationships.
I mean both of you deserve what you want and if you like things that are totally opposite then you both deserve more than each other.
u r 17 and have lot of time to explore the world before engaging your self into family - its yr first bf - u have to make a decision of your life - by saying no to him is ok - at least you are doing what is good for your life not his!!!!!!
well either you hurt him a little now, or a whole lot later. If you wait to long he is just going to get worse, cut the tie now and he and you will both be able to move on.
You will only hurt him if you let his feelings linger on while yours continue to fade away. Letting go is the right thing, opposites attract but not like that, this will most definitely turn out in disaster. Walk away now!
break up with him..its onlybeen one month and u already have these problemsss...and he wants ur children..hmm strange
You are a very smart girl. You have your whole life ahead of you and you aren't anywhere near ready to give up your dreams. You would me miserably unhappy if you did. Tell this boy that marriage is not in the near future for you. You want to get an education, find a great job, and travel. He should want the same things for himself and for you.
If he sulks, that is a sign of his immaturity. You two are not right for each other. You are light years more mature than he is. Tell him that it is time to concentrate on achieving your goals, not his.
Good luck. I see a bright future for you.
wow .. what is happening to you is exactly why i just broke up after 1 year.
i am 23, my GF is 18.
i made the mistake of buying a wedding ring!
it scarred her!
well i realized that afterwards i was being immature.. i really did, and i toned down the realtionship.
but it was too late, she did not want to be commited. and feared me and i lost her love. even though i said i wouldnt. she feared the future. a perfect love... lost.
what i learned is, 1st off. this guy doesnt know what he wants yet. i was in his shoes, he has the butterflies in his stoumach, he is excited about you. crazy about you. and all he see's is his lala land fantasy. listen, YOU need to ask yourself.. if you love him. and if you are actually willing to put up with him.. i guarantee after 1 or 2 years, he will come to his senses. it also helps to talk about it, and remind him constantly. and clarify it.
and you know what? another mistake i learned from. because i had warning signs too!
have your friends tell him as well. and be frank.. because half of what you say to him will go in one ear and out the other.
if overlooking this you think he is still worth it, theres no reason to end a perfectly good relationship.. after all, just cause he says he wants to marry you, doesnt mean YOU have to.
i only wish i could turn back the hands of time for me, although, maybe she would have stopped loving me none the less.
What is to be gained by prolonging this?
You know the two of you don't want the same thing, and if he's this way after one month, how will he be after two?
It seems inevitable that he's going to be hurt-- he's pretty much guaranteed that for himself. I'm sorry you don't have better options, but it appears that your choices are A) hurt him by breaking up now or B) waste a bunch of his time and yours, and THEN hurt him by breaking up.
I suppose if you want to be more manipulative about it, you can simply be extremely contrary and blunt about these disagreements and force him to break up with you, but that's kind of dishonest, and he certainly won't learn any of the badly-needed lessons that being dumped might teach him.
He seems to ber VERY clingy. At one month that's a bit much to be talking about. If you two are deeply serious, perhaps such talks should be held until many months/years into the relationship.
I see where you are coming from, though. It's normal to want to feel what it's like to be single and explore.
I, personally, have been nailed into place. My boyfriend and I are deeply passionate about one another, and we have began to start planning out our lives with each other. But we didn't start talking about these things until several months into our relationship.
Like myself, you are seventeen. I'm taking a break with a guy who is for me way too serious for our age! It's okay to be scared, its normal!
You have to talk with him and tell him you just want to focus on the two of you for now; no talk aboout what's happening later. Your relationship should be light and fun, and you should also want to be in it, not be finding a way out.
You need to explain to him that you only want to be in ';the now';, and not talk about the future. See how that goes, and if it doesn't go over well, you might have to break it off.
you are very right you are young and so is he ,,,,, neither one of you are career minded as of yet.... he sounds like a very self-centered type of guy....!!!! my advise to you is to tell him straight up your not ready, and you don't want to waste his time nor yours, and you need your space.... If you don't want to have children I would get the shots so you can't get pregnet...... your gut feelings already has said the truth.... follow it .... if he can't handle what you say stright -up LEAVE HIM for the relationshipship is very young!!!!! devoting alot of time than breaking up hurts worse!
relationships are meant to be forever, the whole point of dating is to eventually settle down, and it is good that he sees that in you instead of the opposite ( i dont ever want a house or to get married, im not sure we will make it to next week) the fact that he sees a future with is a good thing, but you seem to have a wild side too? are you going to college, you should be able to get out your exploration there, and if you dont want to be with him thats fine. i dont see anything wrong with imagining a future, as long as he knows that it is both imagining and a future..
i'm only 17, i should be hang out w/ friends, studying, exploring the world, not thinking SERIOUSLY about how many kids i want to have! i'm not mature enough to think about that! i need my space!
i expected this relationship to be a light, fun one, but he's too different from me. for him, a relationship should be ended by a marriage. but for me, it's not always like that.
i still want to know how it feels to be a single adult woman. i want to explore the world freely!
i can't stand these things...make me lose all my feelings to him in a short period of time! should i break up with him NOW? yet i'm afraid hurting him...Too serious relationship? read the details. i need advice from someone mature?
The fact that you realize you're too young to be in a serious relationship is actually a pretty mature attitude, and if you're his first girlfriend then its natural that he would get very attached and be thinking about his ';future with you';. I'm not saying that you should break up with him immediately, but you should definitely talk to him about the way that you're feeling and the sooner the better because the longer you wait, the harder it will be on both of you. Nobody likes to hurt someone they care about, but if you're not happy when you're with him then you need to be fair to yourself and to him. You're his first girlfriend and he'll realize soon enough that there will be others.
Hope this helps, best of luck! :)Too serious relationship? read the details. i need advice from someone mature?
I would break up with him if i was you. It seems your on different paths it will hurt him of course but staying with him longer will only hurt him more the sooner the better i say. you have already said you want to know what it is like to be a single woman so that means that you will break up with him anyway so why not now?
I think you should break up with him now IF after you talk to him about your feelings he still feels the same way about relationships.
I mean both of you deserve what you want and if you like things that are totally opposite then you both deserve more than each other.
u r 17 and have lot of time to explore the world before engaging your self into family - its yr first bf - u have to make a decision of your life - by saying no to him is ok - at least you are doing what is good for your life not his!!!!!!
well either you hurt him a little now, or a whole lot later. If you wait to long he is just going to get worse, cut the tie now and he and you will both be able to move on.
You will only hurt him if you let his feelings linger on while yours continue to fade away. Letting go is the right thing, opposites attract but not like that, this will most definitely turn out in disaster. Walk away now!
break up with him..its onlybeen one month and u already have these problemsss...and he wants ur children..hmm strange
You are a very smart girl. You have your whole life ahead of you and you aren't anywhere near ready to give up your dreams. You would me miserably unhappy if you did. Tell this boy that marriage is not in the near future for you. You want to get an education, find a great job, and travel. He should want the same things for himself and for you.
If he sulks, that is a sign of his immaturity. You two are not right for each other. You are light years more mature than he is. Tell him that it is time to concentrate on achieving your goals, not his.
Good luck. I see a bright future for you.
wow .. what is happening to you is exactly why i just broke up after 1 year.
i am 23, my GF is 18.
i made the mistake of buying a wedding ring!
it scarred her!
well i realized that afterwards i was being immature.. i really did, and i toned down the realtionship.
but it was too late, she did not want to be commited. and feared me and i lost her love. even though i said i wouldnt. she feared the future. a perfect love... lost.
what i learned is, 1st off. this guy doesnt know what he wants yet. i was in his shoes, he has the butterflies in his stoumach, he is excited about you. crazy about you. and all he see's is his lala land fantasy. listen, YOU need to ask yourself.. if you love him. and if you are actually willing to put up with him.. i guarantee after 1 or 2 years, he will come to his senses. it also helps to talk about it, and remind him constantly. and clarify it.
and you know what? another mistake i learned from. because i had warning signs too!
have your friends tell him as well. and be frank.. because half of what you say to him will go in one ear and out the other.
if overlooking this you think he is still worth it, theres no reason to end a perfectly good relationship.. after all, just cause he says he wants to marry you, doesnt mean YOU have to.
i only wish i could turn back the hands of time for me, although, maybe she would have stopped loving me none the less.
What is to be gained by prolonging this?
You know the two of you don't want the same thing, and if he's this way after one month, how will he be after two?
It seems inevitable that he's going to be hurt-- he's pretty much guaranteed that for himself. I'm sorry you don't have better options, but it appears that your choices are A) hurt him by breaking up now or B) waste a bunch of his time and yours, and THEN hurt him by breaking up.
I suppose if you want to be more manipulative about it, you can simply be extremely contrary and blunt about these disagreements and force him to break up with you, but that's kind of dishonest, and he certainly won't learn any of the badly-needed lessons that being dumped might teach him.
He seems to ber VERY clingy. At one month that's a bit much to be talking about. If you two are deeply serious, perhaps such talks should be held until many months/years into the relationship.
I see where you are coming from, though. It's normal to want to feel what it's like to be single and explore.
I, personally, have been nailed into place. My boyfriend and I are deeply passionate about one another, and we have began to start planning out our lives with each other. But we didn't start talking about these things until several months into our relationship.
Like myself, you are seventeen. I'm taking a break with a guy who is for me way too serious for our age! It's okay to be scared, its normal!
You have to talk with him and tell him you just want to focus on the two of you for now; no talk aboout what's happening later. Your relationship should be light and fun, and you should also want to be in it, not be finding a way out.
You need to explain to him that you only want to be in ';the now';, and not talk about the future. See how that goes, and if it doesn't go over well, you might have to break it off.
you are very right you are young and so is he ,,,,, neither one of you are career minded as of yet.... he sounds like a very self-centered type of guy....!!!! my advise to you is to tell him straight up your not ready, and you don't want to waste his time nor yours, and you need your space.... If you don't want to have children I would get the shots so you can't get pregnet...... your gut feelings already has said the truth.... follow it .... if he can't handle what you say stright -up LEAVE HIM for the relationshipship is very young!!!!! devoting alot of time than breaking up hurts worse!
relationships are meant to be forever, the whole point of dating is to eventually settle down, and it is good that he sees that in you instead of the opposite ( i dont ever want a house or to get married, im not sure we will make it to next week) the fact that he sees a future with is a good thing, but you seem to have a wild side too? are you going to college, you should be able to get out your exploration there, and if you dont want to be with him thats fine. i dont see anything wrong with imagining a future, as long as he knows that it is both imagining and a future..
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