We both love one another, but have a hard time expressing our feeling to one another. He is an impatient person as well as controlling, I have my control issues as well... I alllow him to make me feel like I'm living on egg shells 24/7 We work together bur I never have a paycheck. Always having to ask for everything instead of being able to go buy the things I want or need, If we have an argument he makes it clear that everything belongs to him!! I'm at my witts end. He doesn't make love to me often, It's about his wants %26amp; needs @ his time! Please Hlp!Help... My Fiance' %26amp; I just got engaged, we need advice on how to make this relationship last!?
Obviously there is some reason why you have chosen to become engaged altho it sounds like there are control issues for both of you. You don't want to get tied into a marriage with someone who will control you like that ~ but what are your control issues? Be honest about all of this with him %26amp; see what happens. Now is not the time to start keeping your feelings to yourself.
As for your difficulty in expressing your feeling to each other:
I recommend this book (not a quick-fix answer ';): ';intimacy, trusting oneself and the other'; by Osho. Here is a little bit from the back cover: ';.....Far more important to intimacy is a willingness to expose our deepest feelings and vulnerabilities, with the trust that the other person will treat these with care. Ultimately, the willingness to take the risk of intimacy has to be grounded in an inner strength that knows that even if the other remains closed, even if that trust is betrayed, we will not suffer any permanent damage....[Osho takes us ...through what makes intimacy frightening and how to encounter those fears, go beyond them, and nourish ourselves and our relationships to support more openness and trust]';.
from st. martin's griffin press or www.stmartins.com
you can find it at many large bookstores or they can order it %26amp; is less than 200 pages but excellent...
Also, pls ask him to read it! Good luck!Help... My Fiance' %26amp; I just got engaged, we need advice on how to make this relationship last!?
When it comes to money, there is always arguing. A solution that you could come up to is to get a job that pays you. That way, you can get the stuff you want and share off the products to pay and bills depending on the proportion of income you could get. If you haven't finish your studies, go for it. You are never to old to learn and you'll get paid even more. You'll also get more respect from your husbund.
hope this helps
goodluck
PRE MARITAL COUNSELING
if ur already asking that question and just got engaged, maybe u should break it off and wait awhile. i was in the same boat. relationships take alot of effort. there are always going to be up and downs. you should be allowed to at least have some independence. if he wants to be the breadwinner and wont let u work, then tell him he can finance ur education, and everything else u need. do not marry unless u both are sure that its a lifetime commitment.. good luck girl
Why are you marrying him? If he is a controlling boyfriend, he will be an even more controlling husband and that is not good marriage material.
It sounds like you both have some growing up to do. Don't get married until you are both more mature. From what you write there are a lot of danger signs in your relationship.
Dear ... This situation is only going to get worse if you marry him. Why on earth would you even want to be with this person much less marry him? Run!!! I stayed with a man like this for 16 years ... He became more and more abusive and more and more controlling.
oh-- hell naw..... you get your *** up, get a part
time job.. then go to a full time job.......
stand your ground...... stand on your own two feet.....
and make your own living.......
i did it after 22yrs. of marriage,
after my kids were out of school.....and older......
was hard at first..... but better toward the end.......
Friday, April 30, 2010
I am truly sick of this shi*... I need some advice on my emotionally abusive relationship?
I just can't do it. I just can't do it anymore. I am balling my eyes out right now. I am so sick and tired of feeling like I always have to tell him what I want to do. I know he is not a mind reader!!!! But come on, I have been asking him all ******* week to go to the beach, and he has said yes this whole entire time!!! But now, I have been walking around in my bikini for 2 hours and he has been drinking ******* beer since 8 am in in the mother ******* morning! I finally got sick of dropping hints and was like, ';Hey, lets go to the beach! It is 86 degrees outside'; and he says, ';I don't liek my body right now, maybe next weekend'; The guy weighs himself everyday, and drinks alcohol in place of food. I just blew up. I started crying, becuase girls, you know that sometims it is nice for your your boyfrined just to pick up on the little things you say... I always have to ask him for things, when I know that he knows what I want... he admits that he, ';just needs to hear it....'; He says, ';I am sick of people not ';owning'; up'; I feel like a crazy person right now. He heard me crying and he just said, ';Ball, baby.. ball'; And then came in 3 minutes later to ask me if I wanted to go to target with him? Are you serious? Why would I want to go a ******* place with you? The only place I want to go with him is to the middle of the woods far far away so no one can hear him scream while I castrate him! When ever he knows that I want something, he will make me ask for it... even though he knows exactly what it is... and when I finally do, he says NO!!! That is what pisses me off. And then he turns it around on me and gets mad because I scream at him. I just hate him. I just hate him so bad. He seen me cry and he just laughed. I have NO friends and he knows it, and he tells me all the time, ';You have no place to go';. I hate him. I just want to be away. Oh God, how did I get myself into this ****? He knows I want to leave him, and he says he will change, but if this is his definition of chage than he can **** off!I am truly sick of this shi*... I need some advice on my emotionally abusive relationship?
Youre stupid. Thats why he does that stuff to you. He knows you'll take it. If you keep doing what you're doing, I wouldn't be surprised if he starts slapping you around a bit. Or has he already started? LOLI am truly sick of this shi*... I need some advice on my emotionally abusive relationship?
woahh...calm down first then leave that loser alone!!
Go to the beach if you want to dont let him hold you back from life. Go out there make freinds and show him up for what he really is, a stupid pig. Hes taken you forgranted and dont let this carry on! You Go Girl!
Erm.... so why haven't you left him then?
if you hate him so much break up with him. everyone can find someone else... just look at those people on the eharmony ads!
You have to find up some way to leave him is the only thing you can do.
He sounds like a jackass and you deserve more than that.
I don't see any change by this. And in the future it might turn to physical abusive,
Youre stupid. Thats why he does that stuff to you. He knows you'll take it. If you keep doing what you're doing, I wouldn't be surprised if he starts slapping you around a bit. Or has he already started? LOLI am truly sick of this shi*... I need some advice on my emotionally abusive relationship?
woahh...calm down first then leave that loser alone!!
Go to the beach if you want to dont let him hold you back from life. Go out there make freinds and show him up for what he really is, a stupid pig. Hes taken you forgranted and dont let this carry on! You Go Girl!
Erm.... so why haven't you left him then?
if you hate him so much break up with him. everyone can find someone else... just look at those people on the eharmony ads!
You have to find up some way to leave him is the only thing you can do.
He sounds like a jackass and you deserve more than that.
I don't see any change by this. And in the future it might turn to physical abusive,
Mature Advice Pls: Feeling very down about relationship?
Seems my fiance can't be happy. I know he had a BAD childhood.
He is very insecure and irresponsible when it comes to paying bills on time, budgeting, time with kids, etc.
I use to be a very freespirited, open, inspired person but now I am very depressed and have been for a while, can it be b/c of him?
I feel inspired when I hear certain songs or meet certain people who are not as insecure and are free, it also makes me feel like I've lost myself.
At times, I feel close to him but other times I don't.
I called just now to ask about the kids and how they are doing, ate breakfast, etc. He was very bland about it and said he feels wierd vibes from me and that I didn't ask how he was doing. I said that will happen sometimes, I'm not perfect andwill ask about the kids and not him at times, doesn't mean I don't love him.
Something's always wrong. And I feel very,very trapped and edgy.
My dreams seem distant, and when I tell him how he doesnt seem happy, I cant help but get frustrated, adviceMature Advice Pls: Feeling very down about relationship?
I'm sorry to hear about your unhappiness, and I think it's good that you are asking these questions. Sometimes, when we first fall in love, we imagine our lives for a while. When something reveals itself to us, we imagine it away by either noticing good things or covering the bad things with rationalizations.
It's sad that your fianc茅e is from a bad childhood. While there are many adults who have overcome disappointments in life, there are many who can't, won't, or just never will. Even well-adjusted adults can carry hurts and disappointments with them into relationships. It's important that you look very carefully at your relationship and see how your fianc茅e鈥檚 disappointments may be affecting you.
It seems that over time you have begun to notice how his behavior is affecting you. You are feeling depressed and edgy. You find yourself reminding him not to overreact when you ask about the children first. Perhaps you should remind yourself that there isn't anything wrong with asking about the children first. It wasn't that you were being imperfect. You were making conversation.
Understandably, a relationship of four years may be very comfortable in spite of hardship. You have been close for a long time. However, you are noticing some problems with the way you relate. Perhaps there is good reason for you to feel trapped and edgy. Maybe this relationship just doesn't fit for you right now.
I'm not suggesting you throw everything away, but now might be a good time to seek some counseling for yourself. Can you follow your dreams in the context of this relationship? Or have you reached a fork in the road? Has the relationship caused you to doubt yourself and your own value as a person? Would you benefit from some time away? Maybe this relationship can't go any further.
You seem to be honestly assessing your hopes, dreams, and goals, and whether they work for you in this relationship. Continue to look at this honestly as you seek direction for your life right now. It is easy when things become confused to ';imagine'; our lives are as we wish they were. Instead, stand back and examine your reality. Only you can decide if this relationship still works for you.
I will be thinking of you.
__________________________
I see that you feel ';stuck'; -- with your own children and a fianc茅e that may encourage you to believe you have no options. I really think that finding a counselor that will work with you to help you make a ';plan';, whether to stay or to leave, would be of tremendous benefit to you. A good counselor will help you put things in perspective and will also help you find resources that you may not know are available.
In the meantime, try visiting your local social services agency. They have access to lists of resources for parents in need of childcare or legal assistance.Mature Advice Pls: Feeling very down about relationship?
You are welcome, fiestygirl. And thank you. I'll be thinking of you and wish you well.
He obviously needs to get past his anger. Only he can do that. You probably need to explain to him that is the only way. I know it will be hard. Maybe write him a letter or several. Whatever it takes. Explain to him that it dosen't help anyone that he is feeling and acting this way.
I think he might be bringing you down. So people with low self esteem problems pick at everything to get someone to baby them. What you might have to do is split the time and make sure you have time to reassure him that you love him and want the best for him. If that means getting help or just some alone time with you at night might fix the problem.
Hi,
If you need adivce mail me at my yahoo. Will help you out.
I think it's time for you to move on. It sounds as though he has broken your spirit, and you had better move fast to get it back. From what you have said, there are just too many little things that all add up to problems, and there are probably many more. If it doesn't feel good, it probably isn't. Go with your instinct!
This advice you don't really want to read, but in being fair from what I've just given up 31 yrs of my life for, has to be said. He sounds like an exact clone of my ex, and I felt sorry for him after finding out about his long, difficult childhood, and it still didn't work out after giving my all. Get out, it won't be easy, but if you really want a life for yourself with any type of happiness, he can't be in it. He'll try and tell you things will change, but that will happen until he puts you back in the same state of mind, so don't listen. You deserve a real life.
The problem is not him, is YOU. You want something else that he is not giving you and your are not satisfied in the relationship, You are dissapointed on him because you have all of this expectations for your life partner and he is not fulfilling your stantdards.
You are wondering about someting else is is clear that he is not him. It seems like you feel as if your are being taken for granted, bus this is how you feel. If he is getting bad vibes from you is because you are unhappy and the guy doesn't know why or how to fix it.
The problem here is that you stop communicating.... men are not mind readers. If you don;t tell him what is bothering you then he cannot do nothing about it. It will do you both some good to go to a couple's therapy because normally a mediated conversation will allow you to express hidden emotions, grudges and feelings that you would normally don't tell your partner.
Ussualy, when you hold a grudge for something, it grows and grows, then the other person keeps on going like nothing happens because they don;t know! then you become irritated and distant.....
Communicate, there is a underlying problem (the real issue) that you are not tellimg him and you are just venting over everything else and becoming frustrated about everything rathen than addressing the real issue.
Good luck
He is making you feel depressed and it's understandably why. He doesn't pay bills, can't manage money, doesn't spend time with the kids, has no motivation to stick with anything and whines because you didn't ask how he was doing. This is not all about him and many people in this world had bad childhoods and did not let that stop them from really making something of themselves.
It's good he picked up vibes from you this morning. If he was a smart man, he would realize you're getting tired of doing it all and it's affecting you and if he doesn't straighten up he's going to loose you.
You/ve got yourself a bum that's why you feel so down. Find someone better.
I am ';clinically Depressed [chemical imbalance]'; and my wife of 34 years has just adapted to it. She loves me too much to leave me, but I often wonder why. I'm moody, can't keep a job for more than 3-6 months [no matter how much I think I try].
Point is; you want to spend your life unhappy all the time? I don't think so! If you want, and you know best, RUN, RUN FAST; OR BE IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU REGRET FROM NOW ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
maybe you all should take a little break from each other and see if that would help. some times you really don't know what you got till its gone! being away from each other might make you realize you love that person and don't want to be with out them. maybe you need a chance to ';miss'; eachother. our take sometime for yourself without kids, sometimes we get bored and depressed with the same routine and need a little excitment away from realization. go on a date somewhere you both have never been or just get out of the house.
It sounds like you have given yourself your own answer you just need to take the leap and do it. Your not happy, this person is constanlty bringing making you feel bad. Changing your personality. Is that really how you want to live the rest of your life?? It sounds like NO. So I believe you need to make arraignements and move on. Good luck I know it's not easy but you will feel better in the long run and start to feel like your old self again.
You must have seen something in him when you met. I don't know if your married or not but you have children with him. He could be wondering the same thing about you. A healthy relationship is not easy. You have to work at it constantly. Everyone at sometime or the other wonders if they made the right choices. You have children so that will automatically take away from yourself for the next 18 years anyway. It does get better though. You have to communicate with each other. Both ways. Go to the doctor and get an antidepressant, it will help until you can deal better.
Why would you want to marry a man like this. Please don't say that you love him, because if you don't respect him and have fun with him what is love anyway? He is bringing you down and there is no reason that you should stay with him. Go now; you'll be glad you did.
He is very insecure and irresponsible when it comes to paying bills on time, budgeting, time with kids, etc.
I use to be a very freespirited, open, inspired person but now I am very depressed and have been for a while, can it be b/c of him?
I feel inspired when I hear certain songs or meet certain people who are not as insecure and are free, it also makes me feel like I've lost myself.
At times, I feel close to him but other times I don't.
I called just now to ask about the kids and how they are doing, ate breakfast, etc. He was very bland about it and said he feels wierd vibes from me and that I didn't ask how he was doing. I said that will happen sometimes, I'm not perfect andwill ask about the kids and not him at times, doesn't mean I don't love him.
Something's always wrong. And I feel very,very trapped and edgy.
My dreams seem distant, and when I tell him how he doesnt seem happy, I cant help but get frustrated, adviceMature Advice Pls: Feeling very down about relationship?
I'm sorry to hear about your unhappiness, and I think it's good that you are asking these questions. Sometimes, when we first fall in love, we imagine our lives for a while. When something reveals itself to us, we imagine it away by either noticing good things or covering the bad things with rationalizations.
It's sad that your fianc茅e is from a bad childhood. While there are many adults who have overcome disappointments in life, there are many who can't, won't, or just never will. Even well-adjusted adults can carry hurts and disappointments with them into relationships. It's important that you look very carefully at your relationship and see how your fianc茅e鈥檚 disappointments may be affecting you.
It seems that over time you have begun to notice how his behavior is affecting you. You are feeling depressed and edgy. You find yourself reminding him not to overreact when you ask about the children first. Perhaps you should remind yourself that there isn't anything wrong with asking about the children first. It wasn't that you were being imperfect. You were making conversation.
Understandably, a relationship of four years may be very comfortable in spite of hardship. You have been close for a long time. However, you are noticing some problems with the way you relate. Perhaps there is good reason for you to feel trapped and edgy. Maybe this relationship just doesn't fit for you right now.
I'm not suggesting you throw everything away, but now might be a good time to seek some counseling for yourself. Can you follow your dreams in the context of this relationship? Or have you reached a fork in the road? Has the relationship caused you to doubt yourself and your own value as a person? Would you benefit from some time away? Maybe this relationship can't go any further.
You seem to be honestly assessing your hopes, dreams, and goals, and whether they work for you in this relationship. Continue to look at this honestly as you seek direction for your life right now. It is easy when things become confused to ';imagine'; our lives are as we wish they were. Instead, stand back and examine your reality. Only you can decide if this relationship still works for you.
I will be thinking of you.
__________________________
I see that you feel ';stuck'; -- with your own children and a fianc茅e that may encourage you to believe you have no options. I really think that finding a counselor that will work with you to help you make a ';plan';, whether to stay or to leave, would be of tremendous benefit to you. A good counselor will help you put things in perspective and will also help you find resources that you may not know are available.
In the meantime, try visiting your local social services agency. They have access to lists of resources for parents in need of childcare or legal assistance.Mature Advice Pls: Feeling very down about relationship?
You are welcome, fiestygirl. And thank you. I'll be thinking of you and wish you well.
Report Abuse
He obviously needs to get past his anger. Only he can do that. You probably need to explain to him that is the only way. I know it will be hard. Maybe write him a letter or several. Whatever it takes. Explain to him that it dosen't help anyone that he is feeling and acting this way.
I think he might be bringing you down. So people with low self esteem problems pick at everything to get someone to baby them. What you might have to do is split the time and make sure you have time to reassure him that you love him and want the best for him. If that means getting help or just some alone time with you at night might fix the problem.
Hi,
If you need adivce mail me at my yahoo. Will help you out.
I think it's time for you to move on. It sounds as though he has broken your spirit, and you had better move fast to get it back. From what you have said, there are just too many little things that all add up to problems, and there are probably many more. If it doesn't feel good, it probably isn't. Go with your instinct!
This advice you don't really want to read, but in being fair from what I've just given up 31 yrs of my life for, has to be said. He sounds like an exact clone of my ex, and I felt sorry for him after finding out about his long, difficult childhood, and it still didn't work out after giving my all. Get out, it won't be easy, but if you really want a life for yourself with any type of happiness, he can't be in it. He'll try and tell you things will change, but that will happen until he puts you back in the same state of mind, so don't listen. You deserve a real life.
The problem is not him, is YOU. You want something else that he is not giving you and your are not satisfied in the relationship, You are dissapointed on him because you have all of this expectations for your life partner and he is not fulfilling your stantdards.
You are wondering about someting else is is clear that he is not him. It seems like you feel as if your are being taken for granted, bus this is how you feel. If he is getting bad vibes from you is because you are unhappy and the guy doesn't know why or how to fix it.
The problem here is that you stop communicating.... men are not mind readers. If you don;t tell him what is bothering you then he cannot do nothing about it. It will do you both some good to go to a couple's therapy because normally a mediated conversation will allow you to express hidden emotions, grudges and feelings that you would normally don't tell your partner.
Ussualy, when you hold a grudge for something, it grows and grows, then the other person keeps on going like nothing happens because they don;t know! then you become irritated and distant.....
Communicate, there is a underlying problem (the real issue) that you are not tellimg him and you are just venting over everything else and becoming frustrated about everything rathen than addressing the real issue.
Good luck
He is making you feel depressed and it's understandably why. He doesn't pay bills, can't manage money, doesn't spend time with the kids, has no motivation to stick with anything and whines because you didn't ask how he was doing. This is not all about him and many people in this world had bad childhoods and did not let that stop them from really making something of themselves.
It's good he picked up vibes from you this morning. If he was a smart man, he would realize you're getting tired of doing it all and it's affecting you and if he doesn't straighten up he's going to loose you.
You/ve got yourself a bum that's why you feel so down. Find someone better.
I am ';clinically Depressed [chemical imbalance]'; and my wife of 34 years has just adapted to it. She loves me too much to leave me, but I often wonder why. I'm moody, can't keep a job for more than 3-6 months [no matter how much I think I try].
Point is; you want to spend your life unhappy all the time? I don't think so! If you want, and you know best, RUN, RUN FAST; OR BE IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU REGRET FROM NOW ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
maybe you all should take a little break from each other and see if that would help. some times you really don't know what you got till its gone! being away from each other might make you realize you love that person and don't want to be with out them. maybe you need a chance to ';miss'; eachother. our take sometime for yourself without kids, sometimes we get bored and depressed with the same routine and need a little excitment away from realization. go on a date somewhere you both have never been or just get out of the house.
It sounds like you have given yourself your own answer you just need to take the leap and do it. Your not happy, this person is constanlty bringing making you feel bad. Changing your personality. Is that really how you want to live the rest of your life?? It sounds like NO. So I believe you need to make arraignements and move on. Good luck I know it's not easy but you will feel better in the long run and start to feel like your old self again.
You must have seen something in him when you met. I don't know if your married or not but you have children with him. He could be wondering the same thing about you. A healthy relationship is not easy. You have to work at it constantly. Everyone at sometime or the other wonders if they made the right choices. You have children so that will automatically take away from yourself for the next 18 years anyway. It does get better though. You have to communicate with each other. Both ways. Go to the doctor and get an antidepressant, it will help until you can deal better.
Why would you want to marry a man like this. Please don't say that you love him, because if you don't respect him and have fun with him what is love anyway? He is bringing you down and there is no reason that you should stay with him. Go now; you'll be glad you did.
Relationship dilhema....I need a lot of advice...?
I am 25 and have been in a relationship for almost 2 years. I love my boyfriend very much. However, I have been thinking about marriage lately, and the idea makes me VERY nervous instead of very happy. I am not sure if he's ';the one'; or not. But now I don't know what to do. I really don't want to break up with him because I love spending time with him. Anyone have any ideas how I can sort through my thoughts and figure out what to do? I am also affraid of making a huge mistake if I do break up with him. Help!!Relationship dilhema....I need a lot of advice...?
well, maybe you just aren't ready to take that plunge yet. no one said just becaus eyou have been together for 2 years mean that you have to get married now, or even discuss it. you'll know when it's right, just as well as you will know if it's time to end it.Relationship dilhema....I need a lot of advice...?
it is natural to get nervous. But if you really love him then don't you think you should talk to him about it? if he dumps you then he really didn't care about you and you should find someone who's not a dirtbag. However, if he does want to get married, then go get married.
good luck
It is natural to be nervous. Are you staying with him because you are afraid of being alone or because you don't want to lose him. I wouldn't even think of marriage until you work out your feeling for him. Take some time by yourself and really explore your feelings.
i stopped reading your question when you said ';i'm not sure if he's the one or not'; why? if you love him, then he IS the one. you might have a fear of settling down, a fear of commitment. take your time. chill, enjoy each other.
Your only 25, don't worry about marriage yet. Focus on you, challenge yourself at work, learn about some thing new, find new things that make you happy. The more you know yourself the more you'll know what you need.
y would u break up wit him?? ur only hurtin urself..its normal to get nervous when ur thinking of marrige cuz of da comitment...my advice to u is to not worry about marrige right now cuz dats only makin things worse..right now all u need to worry about is da fact that u have feelings 4 him and that u guyz are together..
well marriage is a big decision. if ur not sure then theres a bigger chance theres a divorce in the future. so just think bout it. spend some time alone by urself to think bout it. if u do decide on it, tell him how u feel and c wat he says
Stay with him and see where it goes. In the mean time don't think about marriage if you aren't ready for it yet or if you don't think he is the 1.
If you need advice yu should always email or IM me at advise_free_4you@yahoo.com please! I give great advice give me a chance please!
You are only 25. You are still young. Don't rush into marriage. Take your time. Marriage is a big step. Keep in mind there is no guarantee in life....even marriage. Having doubts is normal. I had doubts the day of my wedding and I knew I love my husband to be very much. The down side is I was very young...19 yrs old. My marriage lasted 3 years and I had a little girl to raise. Not to scare you but that's life. Just take your time, you don't have to break up with him, but this is something both of you need to discuss. Good Luck.
Life is just a big trial and error. You can either try it, like it, or levave it.
marriage is not an essential thing to do.. 2 people can be in love and want to spend thier lives together without the wedding thing.. if you are both happy as you are why ruin it!!!! some people go through their whole lives happy together without ever being married.. marriage is for some people due to circumstances that help finances or if one of them die you have more rights but nowadays people that arent married are having more rights anyway so stop worrying and just enjoy your life together
If i was you i wouldnt rush anything im sure he love you but you are still to young.Dont stress it to hard and just be happy if it was ment to be it will happen
well, maybe you just aren't ready to take that plunge yet. no one said just becaus eyou have been together for 2 years mean that you have to get married now, or even discuss it. you'll know when it's right, just as well as you will know if it's time to end it.Relationship dilhema....I need a lot of advice...?
it is natural to get nervous. But if you really love him then don't you think you should talk to him about it? if he dumps you then he really didn't care about you and you should find someone who's not a dirtbag. However, if he does want to get married, then go get married.
good luck
It is natural to be nervous. Are you staying with him because you are afraid of being alone or because you don't want to lose him. I wouldn't even think of marriage until you work out your feeling for him. Take some time by yourself and really explore your feelings.
i stopped reading your question when you said ';i'm not sure if he's the one or not'; why? if you love him, then he IS the one. you might have a fear of settling down, a fear of commitment. take your time. chill, enjoy each other.
Your only 25, don't worry about marriage yet. Focus on you, challenge yourself at work, learn about some thing new, find new things that make you happy. The more you know yourself the more you'll know what you need.
y would u break up wit him?? ur only hurtin urself..its normal to get nervous when ur thinking of marrige cuz of da comitment...my advice to u is to not worry about marrige right now cuz dats only makin things worse..right now all u need to worry about is da fact that u have feelings 4 him and that u guyz are together..
well marriage is a big decision. if ur not sure then theres a bigger chance theres a divorce in the future. so just think bout it. spend some time alone by urself to think bout it. if u do decide on it, tell him how u feel and c wat he says
Stay with him and see where it goes. In the mean time don't think about marriage if you aren't ready for it yet or if you don't think he is the 1.
If you need advice yu should always email or IM me at advise_free_4you@yahoo.com please! I give great advice give me a chance please!
You are only 25. You are still young. Don't rush into marriage. Take your time. Marriage is a big step. Keep in mind there is no guarantee in life....even marriage. Having doubts is normal. I had doubts the day of my wedding and I knew I love my husband to be very much. The down side is I was very young...19 yrs old. My marriage lasted 3 years and I had a little girl to raise. Not to scare you but that's life. Just take your time, you don't have to break up with him, but this is something both of you need to discuss. Good Luck.
Life is just a big trial and error. You can either try it, like it, or levave it.
marriage is not an essential thing to do.. 2 people can be in love and want to spend thier lives together without the wedding thing.. if you are both happy as you are why ruin it!!!! some people go through their whole lives happy together without ever being married.. marriage is for some people due to circumstances that help finances or if one of them die you have more rights but nowadays people that arent married are having more rights anyway so stop worrying and just enjoy your life together
If i was you i wouldnt rush anything im sure he love you but you are still to young.Dont stress it to hard and just be happy if it was ment to be it will happen
Any advice on how to tell my parents that I am involved in an interracial relationship?
Looking for advice/information if anyone can help. My Mom and sisters will be fine, it's just my Dad. Serious answers only. Thank you.Any advice on how to tell my parents that I am involved in an interracial relationship?
first tell him how this person is , how he makes u fell , wat he does n wat he means to u ... tell ur dad dat interracial relationships arent anythin out of the ordinary .. make sure u put all his positives out there n if he still doesnt accept him then u'll have a couple of prblems wit him but not 4 long r atleast not 4 eva he is still ur father n loves u , n if he wants the best 4 u he wont mind .... if he is still against it then just think bout wat makes u happy ur dad is important but ur happiness is 2 .. good luck n dont let no 1 distroy ur happinessAny advice on how to tell my parents that I am involved in an interracial relationship?
Don't even bring it up- just tell him that you've met an amazing guy who you really, really like, and that you hope that he likes him too. If you tell him beforehand then it will seem like you have a problem with it, and it will give him more fuel. If all he knows is that you're happy, then he'll be more inclined to like the guy before he meets him.
If your dad has a serious problem with him or is rude, then you don't need to be around him anymore. As long as you're happy in your relationship that's all that matters. Good luck! :)
Sit down and watch the classic Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn movie Guess Who's Coming to Dinner with your dad
and boyfriend. Even though it is a ';old but classic'; movie some of the issues might hit home.
It was one of Sidney Poiteir's first movies.
Good luck and be honest would be my advice.
I hope this will help.
are your parents racial? now adays there should be no problem. just be honest with your dad and tell him.....rememeber dad it is what makes me happy and you want what is best for me and you want me to be happy right. this is what makes me happy. support me and help me make this relationship work by saying it is ook and giving your blessing for me to date this person. you dad is your dad and he will hopfully see that you are happy and will support you........good luck!!!
I had the same issue with my Dad. Everybody else was fine. I just sat down and told him face to face, man to man. I told him if he loved me, he would accept my choices in life. He didn't talk to me for a month after I told him but ultimately he came around. I just kept talking to him like nothing was different.
I wish you well. It won't be easy but you have your family to help you.
My dad was the same way (we couldn't even have friends who weren't white growing up) I think you should tell him all the great things about your boyfriend (without telling him his race) then after he loves all his qualities - tell him his race??? I think that's how I would handle, but have never been in that situation.
You just have to tell him. My brother is in the same situation. But I tell my parents that I would rather have him with someone of a different race that treats him great, then with the same race that treats him like crap.
You just have to tell him, I am sure he will come around once he realizes how happy you are. Good luck.
Explain to your dad that you've found somebody that makes you incredibly happy. Then tell him about his race. If he realizes that your so happy about this person, then maybe he will not be so upset that he is of a different race
just tell them my mom praises the lord she was in an interracial relationship. tell your dad your really in love. im english, costa rican and dominican with some more european love is all that matters
first tell him how this person is , how he makes u fell , wat he does n wat he means to u ... tell ur dad dat interracial relationships arent anythin out of the ordinary .. make sure u put all his positives out there n if he still doesnt accept him then u'll have a couple of prblems wit him but not 4 long r atleast not 4 eva he is still ur father n loves u , n if he wants the best 4 u he wont mind .... if he is still against it then just think bout wat makes u happy ur dad is important but ur happiness is 2 .. good luck n dont let no 1 distroy ur happinessAny advice on how to tell my parents that I am involved in an interracial relationship?
Don't even bring it up- just tell him that you've met an amazing guy who you really, really like, and that you hope that he likes him too. If you tell him beforehand then it will seem like you have a problem with it, and it will give him more fuel. If all he knows is that you're happy, then he'll be more inclined to like the guy before he meets him.
If your dad has a serious problem with him or is rude, then you don't need to be around him anymore. As long as you're happy in your relationship that's all that matters. Good luck! :)
Sit down and watch the classic Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn movie Guess Who's Coming to Dinner with your dad
and boyfriend. Even though it is a ';old but classic'; movie some of the issues might hit home.
It was one of Sidney Poiteir's first movies.
Good luck and be honest would be my advice.
I hope this will help.
are your parents racial? now adays there should be no problem. just be honest with your dad and tell him.....rememeber dad it is what makes me happy and you want what is best for me and you want me to be happy right. this is what makes me happy. support me and help me make this relationship work by saying it is ook and giving your blessing for me to date this person. you dad is your dad and he will hopfully see that you are happy and will support you........good luck!!!
I had the same issue with my Dad. Everybody else was fine. I just sat down and told him face to face, man to man. I told him if he loved me, he would accept my choices in life. He didn't talk to me for a month after I told him but ultimately he came around. I just kept talking to him like nothing was different.
I wish you well. It won't be easy but you have your family to help you.
My dad was the same way (we couldn't even have friends who weren't white growing up) I think you should tell him all the great things about your boyfriend (without telling him his race) then after he loves all his qualities - tell him his race??? I think that's how I would handle, but have never been in that situation.
You just have to tell him. My brother is in the same situation. But I tell my parents that I would rather have him with someone of a different race that treats him great, then with the same race that treats him like crap.
You just have to tell him, I am sure he will come around once he realizes how happy you are. Good luck.
Explain to your dad that you've found somebody that makes you incredibly happy. Then tell him about his race. If he realizes that your so happy about this person, then maybe he will not be so upset that he is of a different race
just tell them my mom praises the lord she was in an interracial relationship. tell your dad your really in love. im english, costa rican and dominican with some more european love is all that matters
I'm in a serious relationship with older guy (15 yrs) and i need some advice?
i've been seeing this guy for a few months now and we've known each other for years. he's 37 and i'm 22. he treats me well and this is quite possibly the most satisfying relationship i've had so far..we get along great. he has no kids and has never been married (he was engaged but she broke it off)
i'm not concerned about our age difference now but in thinking long term, our relationship might face greater challenges. he wants to have kids and i think about what it would mean to him (and the kids) to be a first-time dad in your forties. i think about being a spirited 55 year old woman enjoying her hard-earned retirement days traveling abroad while he would be 70 and possibly in declining health. am i being ridiculous or should i try to end it and avoid bigger problems later in our golden years? i really want to be in a relationship with him and in a few years, that could mean marriage---what would your advice be?I'm in a serious relationship with older guy (15 yrs) and i need some advice?
Life IS short, its smart to plan ahead, but i do not believe that being afraid of age- difference related issues is a strong enough reason to break it off. You did say its the most satisfying relationship u've had so far, i'm not saying nothing better will come later, u're 22 still young and u can find plenty of good relationshsips, HOWEVER, if u're satisfied with this one dont give it up! i'm 21 by the way, i dont have that much experience and i'm not dating an older man, but i do know this, worryng too much about the future will make u lose several present opportunities. Whatever wil be will be, who knows he might even outlive u! I think u shouldnt give up the guy, goodluck anyways.I'm in a serious relationship with older guy (15 yrs) and i need some advice?
One of the most exciting relationships I ever had was with a woman 17 years my senior. Sadly it did not work out. If you keep thinking about ';what might happen'; 10 or 20 or 50 years down the road you will never make a move. One of my philosophies is ';Life is short. Eat desert first';, but then I am a bit older than you. It is easier for a 40 yo man to have and raise kids than it is for a 40 yo woman to have and begin raising kids. No matter what you think might happen ';down the road';, I can guarantee you that what will happen is something you can not possibly think of at this point in time. To paraphrase Carl Sagan, ';Life is not stranger than you imagine, it is stranger than you can imagine.'; I could never have imagined whaere I am now in my wildest dreams. I'ld sau go for it, but then if it doesn't work out you will blame me.
It is wonderful of you to think that far ahead. Imagine how medicine was 20 years ago and imagine how it will be 20 years from now. Men's bodies are a little bit sturdier so you should be fine when you are 55 and he is 70. Osteoporosis hits women in their 50's so you could possibly be in no better shape than he is. Who knows what kind of medicines we'd have by then. Erection pills are available now so that department will not be a problem. You'll be fine.
it's your choice you can't always have someone help you every step of the way. and if it makes him happy it should make you happy too.
Good questions! It is really up to you, I would maybe write a list of pros and con's and really think hard about it! The age difference isn't that bad, and you never know how he might age! If he takes good care of himself! Your only as old as you feel, right! I hope whatever you choose makes you happy! Best wishes!oreal
i'm not concerned about our age difference now but in thinking long term, our relationship might face greater challenges. he wants to have kids and i think about what it would mean to him (and the kids) to be a first-time dad in your forties. i think about being a spirited 55 year old woman enjoying her hard-earned retirement days traveling abroad while he would be 70 and possibly in declining health. am i being ridiculous or should i try to end it and avoid bigger problems later in our golden years? i really want to be in a relationship with him and in a few years, that could mean marriage---what would your advice be?I'm in a serious relationship with older guy (15 yrs) and i need some advice?
Life IS short, its smart to plan ahead, but i do not believe that being afraid of age- difference related issues is a strong enough reason to break it off. You did say its the most satisfying relationship u've had so far, i'm not saying nothing better will come later, u're 22 still young and u can find plenty of good relationshsips, HOWEVER, if u're satisfied with this one dont give it up! i'm 21 by the way, i dont have that much experience and i'm not dating an older man, but i do know this, worryng too much about the future will make u lose several present opportunities. Whatever wil be will be, who knows he might even outlive u! I think u shouldnt give up the guy, goodluck anyways.I'm in a serious relationship with older guy (15 yrs) and i need some advice?
One of the most exciting relationships I ever had was with a woman 17 years my senior. Sadly it did not work out. If you keep thinking about ';what might happen'; 10 or 20 or 50 years down the road you will never make a move. One of my philosophies is ';Life is short. Eat desert first';, but then I am a bit older than you. It is easier for a 40 yo man to have and raise kids than it is for a 40 yo woman to have and begin raising kids. No matter what you think might happen ';down the road';, I can guarantee you that what will happen is something you can not possibly think of at this point in time. To paraphrase Carl Sagan, ';Life is not stranger than you imagine, it is stranger than you can imagine.'; I could never have imagined whaere I am now in my wildest dreams. I'ld sau go for it, but then if it doesn't work out you will blame me.
It is wonderful of you to think that far ahead. Imagine how medicine was 20 years ago and imagine how it will be 20 years from now. Men's bodies are a little bit sturdier so you should be fine when you are 55 and he is 70. Osteoporosis hits women in their 50's so you could possibly be in no better shape than he is. Who knows what kind of medicines we'd have by then. Erection pills are available now so that department will not be a problem. You'll be fine.
it's your choice you can't always have someone help you every step of the way. and if it makes him happy it should make you happy too.
Good questions! It is really up to you, I would maybe write a list of pros and con's and really think hard about it! The age difference isn't that bad, and you never know how he might age! If he takes good care of himself! Your only as old as you feel, right! I hope whatever you choose makes you happy! Best wishes!
I'm having relationship problems. Does anyone have any advice?
I'm an 18 year old gay male in a relationship. Recently, our 5 month relationship has been in a bit of turmoil. He is going off to college (40 minutes away) and seems to be a bit apprehensive about continuing things if he's going to be beginning a completely new stage. He says we'll be living two completely different lives. I've tried to ask him why he wants to break something that's working, and it doesn't seem to register. It almost seems like we're drifting apart because of this. I've also told him that he will never hold on to anybody if he always looks to what's next, but he still doesn't seem to understand.
He's difficult to describe. Although I think he gets attached quickly, I believe he over-analyzes everything. He told me he's afraid of ';falling in love with the wrong person.'; This is my first real relationship, so I really don't know what the hell I'm doing either. I do have feelings for him, and I would be really upset if it ended over this.
I broke out the math a few nights ago and he got really upset. If there are 8,000 people at your college,4,000 are women, 97% are straight, etc. I wasn't trying to make the case for me, but I just can't believe someone would want to end things if everything seems fine.
Thanks!I'm having relationship problems. Does anyone have any advice?
well i understand being hurt and everything but dont u think ur being a bit selfish here? ';let the person u love go, if they come back their urs, if they dont, they never were'; live by tht quote in this situation..maybe let him end it and continue being friends with him..hes gonna be new at college and hes going to want to experience new things..remain friends and see waht happens from there is the best u can do in this situation without forcing him into something tht he doesnt want.I'm having relationship problems. Does anyone have any advice?
It is said that when you love someone or something you let it go, if it comes back, it was meant to be if not, you chuck it down as experience.
That part about falling in love with the wrong person sounds like BS to me, but only your heart can tell you what to do.
Good luck.
Maybe he is just scared about falling in love. Like he said. Maybe he know he will like cheat on you or something and doesn't want to hurt you...question is do you love him? if you do then tell him! and tell him how much he means to you. tell him every thought about him that you ever had. Ask him if he loves you and if he does why would he want to break you guys up. Just keep repeating what you are doing and eventually it gets to them and they'll understand.
The problem is that you two really will be living two completely different lives. The thing about college is that it's main purpose is to give you a completely new experience. A lot of this does involve meeting new people, and some of it definitely involves new relationships. The sad thing is that if he cannot pursue other people because of you, he will just feel frustrated with you, and I know that isn't fair, and it isn't your fault, but I'm not sure if continuing the relationship is really even possible. I would try not to feel too mad at him for it... you'll probably feel the same way when you go off to college.
Are you not going to college?
If he is and you are not, then his pursuing of further self development makes you feel ';old'; because you aren't trying for it either.
In other words, he is advancing while you are staying behind. He probably feels this, and wants a companion who is his peer, and not someone who is going to be dragging him down. No offense.
A lot of people break ties when they go to college with old highschool relationships. It's pretty common. They usually find someone new in college and a lot of times, stay with them for a long time afterward.
well to be hnest with you its really hard what ur goin thru.. but it may sound harsh on you but i have to say u also have to move on. i know it may sound rude but you really cant do anything about it.. it hurt at first but eventually it will wear off.. coz if the other party decided not to pursue it.. one can try but once can only try until a certain point that u have to give up, the more u try hard the more hurtfull it will for you.. but i suggest take it slowly and hopefully it will be ok
He's difficult to describe. Although I think he gets attached quickly, I believe he over-analyzes everything. He told me he's afraid of ';falling in love with the wrong person.'; This is my first real relationship, so I really don't know what the hell I'm doing either. I do have feelings for him, and I would be really upset if it ended over this.
I broke out the math a few nights ago and he got really upset. If there are 8,000 people at your college,4,000 are women, 97% are straight, etc. I wasn't trying to make the case for me, but I just can't believe someone would want to end things if everything seems fine.
Thanks!I'm having relationship problems. Does anyone have any advice?
well i understand being hurt and everything but dont u think ur being a bit selfish here? ';let the person u love go, if they come back their urs, if they dont, they never were'; live by tht quote in this situation..maybe let him end it and continue being friends with him..hes gonna be new at college and hes going to want to experience new things..remain friends and see waht happens from there is the best u can do in this situation without forcing him into something tht he doesnt want.I'm having relationship problems. Does anyone have any advice?
It is said that when you love someone or something you let it go, if it comes back, it was meant to be if not, you chuck it down as experience.
That part about falling in love with the wrong person sounds like BS to me, but only your heart can tell you what to do.
Good luck.
Maybe he is just scared about falling in love. Like he said. Maybe he know he will like cheat on you or something and doesn't want to hurt you...question is do you love him? if you do then tell him! and tell him how much he means to you. tell him every thought about him that you ever had. Ask him if he loves you and if he does why would he want to break you guys up. Just keep repeating what you are doing and eventually it gets to them and they'll understand.
The problem is that you two really will be living two completely different lives. The thing about college is that it's main purpose is to give you a completely new experience. A lot of this does involve meeting new people, and some of it definitely involves new relationships. The sad thing is that if he cannot pursue other people because of you, he will just feel frustrated with you, and I know that isn't fair, and it isn't your fault, but I'm not sure if continuing the relationship is really even possible. I would try not to feel too mad at him for it... you'll probably feel the same way when you go off to college.
Are you not going to college?
If he is and you are not, then his pursuing of further self development makes you feel ';old'; because you aren't trying for it either.
In other words, he is advancing while you are staying behind. He probably feels this, and wants a companion who is his peer, and not someone who is going to be dragging him down. No offense.
A lot of people break ties when they go to college with old highschool relationships. It's pretty common. They usually find someone new in college and a lot of times, stay with them for a long time afterward.
well to be hnest with you its really hard what ur goin thru.. but it may sound harsh on you but i have to say u also have to move on. i know it may sound rude but you really cant do anything about it.. it hurt at first but eventually it will wear off.. coz if the other party decided not to pursue it.. one can try but once can only try until a certain point that u have to give up, the more u try hard the more hurtfull it will for you.. but i suggest take it slowly and hopefully it will be ok
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